Jane Fonda sucks!

One of these days you'll fuck this bitch
One of these days you'll suck this dick
The sperm that kills will infest your soul
Your dick will rot in her encrusted hole

Who's fucking who? I gotta know
Before I go in search of a hole
Who's fucking who? I gotta be sure
Cause I don't want that disease of yours!!!

One of these days if you don't watch out
The jizz of death will infect your mouth
You'll lose lots of weight and look real sick
Just because of your antsy dick!!

Was created to destroy you / You're time is near
When you least expect it / Dying time's here
I'll find you at a party / You're drinking your beer
I"ll crawl up behind you / and chew off your ear!!

You stare at me cause you're boyfriend's a goon / You don't understand
I'm in disguise, you can't recognize / The green slime on your hand
I thrive o kill you assholes / I want all of you fuckers dead!!
When you go cruising for babes / I'll explose inside your head

You say it's just a nightmare / Some bad dreams you've had
But when you see me slaughtering your pals / You'll go screaming for your dad
You numbers will diminish / Hear my carnivorous squeals
I'm disgusting, I'm cute, and I'm cuddly / Your doom is sealed!

(Dedicated to James Warren, Archie Goodwin, and all the others who made Uncle Creepy and Cousin Eerie a part of my family)

Dear Uncle Creepy, it's been years
Morbid fantasy exterminates my childhood fears
Dear Uncle Creepy, how can it be?
Some of the crap that's out these days is such a bore to me

Dear Uncle Creepy...

The shit they call "horror" in the comic store
Nobody's got that style anymore!
Pre-code classics provide the chills
This high-tech bullshit never will!

As far as movies are concerned,
There's a plenty out what should be burned
The horror's gone, big budgets here
What ever happened to the meaning of FEAR????

Dear Uncle Creepy, it's a crying shame
The "terror" of the 90's is so fucking lame
What ever happened to the good ol' days
Has you and Cousin Eerie turning in your graves!!!

Venereal warts!!!

Heart of Illinois, Heart of Illinois,
Heart of Illinois, Don't it make ya sick?
Heart of Illinois, Heart of Illinois,
Heart of Illinois, Shut up ya fucking' dick!
Ten fucking years I've lived in this town
There's never nothing happening going on
Except fairs, and baseball, and sidewalk sales,
and old people fucking with their lawns!

Farm Futures! Soybeans and corn!
Parks and recreation! Collecting doorknobs!!

Pride of the Prairie, Pride of the Prairie,
Pride of the Prairie... Don't it make ya retch?
Pride of the Prairie, Pride of the Prairie,
Pride of the Prairie, Shut up ya fuckin' wrench!
Twenty fucking years Ive lived in this town
Nothing's never going on around here
Except unemployment, and gangs, and skating bands,
and college students slamming fucking beers!!!

His nose is drippy, his hair are nappy,
His teeth are yellow, his skin is scabby
His ass is so smelly it'll clear out any moshing pit
His tongue is nasty, his dick is green,
His lips are chapped, his breath is obscene
You could squeeze his pus-filled, and pop it like an ugly zit!
He walks around town, you can smell his feet
Flies buzz around his head as he walks down your street,
The children run and hide to the safety of their daddy's arms
He comes to your door with his decayed grin
You wonder where the hell that mouth of his has been
Should you slam the door?
Or should you let him in?

You run and hide but you can't hide
The Scabby Man comes inside
He picks his nose and eats his snot
and then eats all your pot
He pukes on you, he kicks your dog
He's a fucking smelly hog
He farts alot, he rapes your wife
You cut a fart and he licks the knife...

You think it's over but it's not over yet!
The Scabby Man is leaking pus, he's fucking gross, you bet!
He jacks off and shoots in his cum on your two-month-old son!
the horror's not over much to your dismay
You're the Scabby Man victim, on this very day,
and he invited his friends to come over for the whole weekend!

Lt. Calley is my man
Lt. Calley, Viet Nam
Lt. Calley kill some reds
Do it like your daddy said

Lt. Calley and his friends
Bring your world to an end
Lt. Calley with his bombs
Lt. Calley killed your mom!!!