WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?

Well, we hope you enjoyed yesterday's hijinks. While we are looking to raise enough revenue through advertising to cover operating costs, by no means would we turn into a metal-oriented adult website and the redirection to our new url, MetalPorn.net was just an April Fool's goof.

As usual, we had the jackwagons who figured it out early and had to post "look at the date!' bright and early on the news thread to ruin the fun rather than just play along. We're also sorry if we inconvenienced any of you with the NSFW images and sounds of yesterday's merry prank. To the one angry user who pm'd BitterCOld in all caps and curses that he was suspended from school when the teacher walked by his desk and heard the screaming female orgasm and braying donkey sounds looped over death metal riffing.... we'd feel bad for you, but hey, you should not have been visiting the site in class.

To the users that played along, we hope you had as much fun with it as we did. And when we said "SHOW ME YOUR DANGERZONES!" we were just kidding. There is not enough booze at the bar to scorch some of the images you sent us from our (now permanently scarred) brains.

And rest assured, the images of "The Devil's Threeway", featuring Marcel and Doc Godin banging Jasmine St. Claire on top of a T-34 tank in an abandoned steel mill were just photoshopped. They really made her airtight on a used mattress in front of a green screen in a lot in Van Nuys, California. As if we could afford tank rental… And yes, Marcel's washboard abs were absolutely real and in no way the product of digital manipulation. Same goes for Doc's superfluous 3rd nipple.

We are also sorry to say for you pervy fapsters, the dream is dead. The installment of Ms Wintersoul's sex advice column/blog, Moan Like Mora, entitled "A Metal Maiden's Masterful Mutual Masturbation Maneuvers Mapped Out", is the one and only entry of this blog, and has since been scrubbed from the internet in the name of common decency. Even teh interw3bs was not ready for smut this ribald and naughty. And while some of us might have lol'd at your dangerzone pics, she didn't find them so amusing. She'll be posting them up on metalfanswithlaughablysmallcocks.org shortly. Pun intended.

So with that is back to normal, with the naughtiest/raciest things on the site being greased up men in loin cloths on album covers and ascii penii in the shout box.

Hope it was as good for you as it was for us!

- The MetalStorm Team
 
Posted: 01.04.2012 by Doc Godin



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BitterCOld - 02.04.2012 at 05:18  
Written by Doc Godin on 02.04.2012 at 04:50

Everyone who sent me bad 80's pop music; go to hell.

Thank you,
Doc


forward it my way...

got some amusing pms as well. was a funny double prank.
Boxcar Willy - 02.04.2012 at 06:06  
I guess Joe didn't recieve mine before he went to bed.


Angelic Storm - 02.04.2012 at 06:46  
Written by strade on 02.04.2012 at 01:04

All right, I gotta say it: the amount of people falling for this is absolutely dumbfounding. I mean, really? Anyone who got past the Marcel and Doc rape part while still thinking it was all true must be a very trusting individual. I'm starting to think I'm getting April fooled by you people as you pretend to buy all of it...

Speaking of which, anyone interested in owning their very own bridge should feel free to contact me. Reach me at: ragingconartist@gmail.com.


"Marcel and Doc rape part"? :\ I don't recall seeing the word "rape" anywhere in the OP... Then again, after reading the words "adult website", "porn", "orgasm", and "NSFW", I just quickly glanced through the rest of the post, so I didn't actually see a lot of the content after that point. lol The idea that the post itself was an April fools had crossed my mind, hence why my above post was said at least partly in jest.

The waiting list for bridges is very high at the moment, as currently they all seem to occupied. So I think I'll need to wait a while before owning my very own bridge.
Syk - 02.04.2012 at 07:29  
I missed metalporn.net? FML. Seriously.
Milena - 02.04.2012 at 12:24  
Written by Boxcar Willy on 01.04.2012 at 15:37

Don't know if serious...

Or Trolling.

Yeah, I really rocked it with all these New Age femi words, didn't I?
Spirit Molecule - 02.04.2012 at 13:40  
Written by Boxcar Willy on 02.04.2012 at 04:59


I wrote a love letter to Joe.
But he didn't send me a response.


Haha I wrote Joe as well
BitterCOld - 02.04.2012 at 19:31  
There was no mention of rape in the piece. we will throw around jokes for April 1st... but not rape.

i thought the implication was clear that we merely hired an adult film starlet - one who is a legit metal fan at that, a location, and shot a movie. with special effects.

ScreamingSteelUS - 03.04.2012 at 00:23  
Written by Doc Godin on 02.04.2012 at 04:50

Everyone who sent me bad 80's pop music; go to hell.

Thank you,
Doc

Oh, come on. "Safety Dance" is a totally awesome song. I just wish I had thought to Rick Roll you.
tea[m]ster - 03.04.2012 at 00:26  
Written by Doc Godin on 02.04.2012 at 04:50

Everyone who sent me bad 80's pop music; go to hell.

Thank you,
Doc



lol, that sir is fucking funny!
Boxcar Willy - 03.04.2012 at 02:52  
Written by ScreamingSteelUS on 03.04.2012 at 00:23

Written by Doc Godin on 02.04.2012 at 04:50

Everyone who sent me bad 80's pop music; go to hell.

Thank you,
Doc

Oh, come on. "Safety Dance" is a totally awesome song. I just wish I had thought to Rick Roll you.

WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO!

WE CAN LEAVE DOC BEHIND,

CAUSE DOC DON'T DANCE,

AND IF HE DON'T DANCE,

WELL HE'S NO FRIEND OF MINE!
ScreamingSteelUS - 03.04.2012 at 06:43  
Written by Boxcar Willy on 03.04.2012 at 02:52

Written by ScreamingSteelUS on 03.04.2012 at 00:23

Written by Doc Godin on 02.04.2012 at 04:50

Everyone who sent me bad 80's pop music; go to hell.

Thank you,
Doc

Oh, come on. "Safety Dance" is a totally awesome song. I just wish I had thought to Rick Roll you.

WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO!

WE CAN LEAVE DOC BEHIND,

CAUSE DOC DON'T DANCE,

AND IF HE DON'T DANCE,

WELL HE'S NO FRIEND OF MINE!

You tell him, Willy.
selken - 08.04.2012 at 21:48  
Is there a way to see this year's joke? I was in the middle of nowhere that day...
Troy Killjoy - 08.04.2012 at 22:16  
Written by selken on 08.04.2012 at 21:48
Is there a way to see this year's joke?

Yep. Just imagine it.
strade - 10.04.2012 at 07:24  
Written by BitterCOld on 02.04.2012 at 19:31

There was no mention of rape in the piece. we will throw around jokes for April 1st... but not rape.


Yeah, sorry 'bout that. For some reason when I read 'banging,' I saw 'raping' instead.

Chalk it up to our public school system.
Troy Killjoy - 10.04.2012 at 19:25  
Written by strade on 10.04.2012 at 07:24
Yeah, sorry 'bout that. For some reason when I read 'banging,' I saw 'raping' instead.

I wanted to make a tasteless joke about this but I'm a better person than that.

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