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Posted by mankvill on 04.01.2008 at 01:19
* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.



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Reverend X

Posts: 59

Age: 41
From: Philippines

  17.12.2012 at 02:54
CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist arrives in a poseur attitude. The dragon just laughs at him. He was no match. The dragon just played with him. As he gets tired and about to kill the protagonist a divine intervention saves him. The dragon was struck by lightning. He courts the princess and marries her.
Lit.
Account deleted
  17.12.2012 at 04:52
I can't be the only one that thinks this whole thing, whether it should be taken seriously or not, is just really stupid.
Boxcar Willy
yr a kook

Posts: 7339

Age: 20
From: Canada

  18.12.2012 at 02:00
Written by Guest on 17.12.2012 at 04:52

I can't be the only one that thinks this whole thing, whether it should be taken seriously or not, is just really stupid.

You're not.
----
forever bummed out
Jaeryd
Desert Mouse

Posts: 925

Age: 25
From: USA

  18.12.2012 at 21:34
Written by Guest on 17.12.2012 at 04:52

I can't be the only one that thinks this whole thing, whether it should be taken seriously or not, is just really stupid.


No, you're right. It's pretty stupid.
----
"It is not your sin—it is your self-satisfaction that crieth unto heaven; your very sparingness in sin crieth unto heaven!

Where is the lightning to lick you with its tongue? Where is the frenzy with which ye should be inoculated?"

blackwreath13

Posts: 12

Age: 29
From: Australia
  01.03.2013 at 06:31
So Thrash is a sober version of Heavy Metal?
Jomsviking

Posts: 162

Age: 22
From: Canada

  01.03.2013 at 07:35
Heh. Gave me a good laugh. Nice one
----
Fear the Old Blood
Ellrohir
Heaven Knight

Posts: 8282

Age: 28
From: Czech Republic

  01.03.2013 at 09:21
Written by blackwreath13 on 01.03.2013 at 06:31

So Thrash is a sober version of Heavy Metal?

nah, he already appeared drunk as fuck

2Lit. and BoxCar Willy: go be serious somewhere else
----
So behold the flight of the sapphire dragon
soaring through the skies once again


Zaph
The Nothingth

Posts: 2466
From: Belgium

  30.04.2013 at 22:31
This is pretty great, though not entirely accurate.
----
Wubba Lubba Dub Dub
Jtbmetal123

Posts: 366

Age: 25
From: USA

  07.05.2013 at 14:26
Written by Guest on 17.12.2012 at 04:52

I can't be the only one that thinks this whole thing, whether it should be taken seriously or not, is just really stupid.


Your not the only one.
Guib
Thrash Talker

Posts: 2371

Age: 25
From: Canada

  08.05.2013 at 21:35
It's funny but not quite right, oh and I don't mind stupid stuff.

Like wtf Thrash Metal being ligther than the heavy one ? I mean here's my version

*The Protagonist Arrives already drunk, throws beer bottles at the dragon and piss around the castle just to show off who's the boss, He takes out a RPG, destroys the dragon utterly then pukes and falls asleep while fucking the princess.
----
- I love my technical, melodic, my thrash, agressive and fast paced, my sludge, well thought, my heavy, heavier and my metal, ever-growing -
Enteroctopus

Posts: 155
From: USA

  17.05.2016 at 23:09
You forgot the Dan Swano version:

The protagonist is born 15 minutes into the song to a glorious, melodic celebratory anthem and is subsequently killed. The people then mourn for fifteen minutes that the protagonist is dead and, OH NO!, here comes a dragon. The dragon eats all of the women, leaving the men to either choke the chicken or pray to God they had been born gay. Then the protagonist is reincarnated but the dragon kills him again and the people mourn the death of the protagonist again...

It keeps going like that, but the actual thing is, like, six pages of block text, so I figured you got the basic idea.
IH8Hipsters

Posts: 155

Age: 38
From: USA
  18.05.2016 at 05:15
GOOVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives in his black with red flames 69 Camaro SS flames shooting from the exhaust. The dragon says. "Hey man nice car". The protagonist says. "Do you have any fucking whiskey". The dragon says no so the protagonist fucks the dragon while playing a blazingly awesome solo. He yells at the princess to make him a sandwich. He finishes with the dragon and then kills the princess because he didn't like her sandwich.
IH8Hipsters

Posts: 155

Age: 38
From: USA
  18.05.2016 at 05:21
HARDCORE:

The protagonist arrives at the castle ranting and raving about life not being fair. He sees the dragon and immediately is enraged by the dragons lack of concern for his deep feelings. He exploded in a fury and rips the dragons head off. A massive breakdown ensues. The princess sees the fearless and deeply emotional man and drops to her hands and knees. He fucks her and then begins writing her twisted love letters.

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