How To Tell The Difference Between Metal Genres

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The original post

Posted by mankvill on 04.01.2008 at 01:19

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

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BeastOfMetal456
Account deleted

	20.08.2011 at 03:11
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 20.08.2011 at 03:06 Written by ChadwickAndo on 20.08.2011 at 02:58 Thank you. Honestly why else are they there then? To give people something to argue about over the internet. You made me laugh, JOOE.

!J.O.O.E.!
________________

Posts: 10444
From: UK

	20.08.2011 at 03:15
Written by Guest on 20.08.2011 at 03:11 You made me laugh, JOOE. Well they say laughter is the spice of life.
---- 2013 - BEST ALBUMS LIST

BeastOfMetal456
Account deleted

	20.08.2011 at 03:16
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 20.08.2011 at 03:15 Written by Guest on 20.08.2011 at 03:11 You made me laugh, JOOE. Well they say laughter is the spice of life. You gave me some spice, thanks!!

ChadwickAndo

Posts: 1249

Age: 26
From: USA

	20.08.2011 at 05:06
Written by !J.O.O.E.! on 20.08.2011 at 03:06 Written by ChadwickAndo on 20.08.2011 at 02:58 Thank you. Honestly why else are they there then? To give people something to argue about over the internet. Fair enough. Oh childish bs.
---- "No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it off to forced conscious expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten." -HST

SuicidalCyco

Posts: 371

Age: 19
From: USA

	28.11.2011 at 20:37
Written by Pjotr on 19.08.2011 at 16:19 * HARDCORE/METALCORE/ ? The protagonist screams his lungs out, slays the dragon with a combination of violant moves and powerfull slowmotion action, growling some stuff that doesn't make any sense, rushes to the princess and takes the time for a few beautifull notes and lets his bassplayer sing some clean emotional stuff that move the princess deeply ... they fuck her and proceed to the next castle. Im pretty sure the dragon would kill and eat the metalcore people with no problem.
---- "Im not crazy, you're the one who's crazy.

MetalicIron

Posts: 20
From: UK

	11.12.2011 at 03:06
Can some1 tell me what kind of metal this is?
---- /m\ METAL /m\

arwestromen

Posts: 640

Age: 24
From: Sweden

	17.12.2011 at 02:12
But whait.....how do you actually see the difference between genres because some of the sounds sometimes the same
---- Don't fuck with sweden We gave you IKEA

Bulus

Posts: 954
From: Indonesia

	17.12.2011 at 21:18
It is very easy to recognize black metal genre...just look for the band videos, if you find crappy silly unedited with stupid make up, that's black metal. i really love listen this genre not watching it.

RataNegra

Posts: 1
From: Venezuela

	19.12.2011 at 23:28
Written by MetalicIron on 11.12.2011 at 03:06 Can some1 tell me what kind of metal this is? Riffs are thrash-death, there are growls and a female clean voice which I find irrelevant to identifying the genre. I'd say thrash/death (mostly thrash).

Troy Killjoy
Pallbearer

Posts: 14797

Age: 21
From: Canada

	19.12.2011 at 23:30
Written by RataNegra on 19.12.2011 at 23:28 Riffs are thrash-death, there are growls and a female clean voice which I find irrelevant to identifying the genre. I'd say thrash/death (mostly thrash). I'd say a mix of thrash and heavy metal. If there's anything death metal about this it's incredibly watered-down, light-hearted, and altogether lacking any kind of intensity.

Misfit74

Posts: 386
From: USA

	22.12.2011 at 23:38
Written by MetalicIron on 11.12.2011 at 03:06 Can some1 tell me what kind of metal this is? Gasian Metal (see also: Gay-sian Metal).
---- My Music on RYM Last.fm

Zealot644

Posts: 157

Age: 18
From: Canada

07.01.2012 at 22:26

A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!

Metalcore:

The protagonist is the 13 year old, flawless straightened hair which has been dyed black covering his eyes, BMTH shirt, skinny jeans, and neon colored shoe, scene kid(hero). Not only does he fail to kill the dragon due to being nearly immobile from girl pants, he is also entirely blind from his hair and screaming lyrics about girls being sluts and fucking guys over fails to amuse the dragon nor enthrall the princess. He is promptly eaten and goes to scene kid hell which involves the never ending play of Never Gonna Give You Up.

Troy Killjoy
Pallbearer

Posts: 14797

Age: 21
From: Canada

	07.01.2012 at 23:14
LOL wtf kind of metalcore are you listening to bro?

Zealot644

Posts: 157

Age: 18
From: Canada

	07.01.2012 at 23:37
Nothing like in my post. It seems in this thread one was to just take the stereotypes of various metal genres so I put in my own joke on Metalcore. I do, infact, enjoy the genre when it is performed by certain bands ^^

lordchadi

Posts: 101
From: Egypt

	08.01.2012 at 02:46
LOOOOOL this is the best i love it thank u

lordchadi

Posts: 101
From: Egypt

	08.01.2012 at 02:48
Written by MetalicIron on 11.12.2011 at 03:06 Can some1 tell me what kind of metal this is? Is it a metal music i don think so this song make me want to the band then myself

zarahuztra

Posts: 41

Age: 36
From: Norway

	31.07.2012 at 14:43
Funny

BoxCar Willy
Clam Slammer

Posts: 5950

Age: 16
From: Canada

	31.07.2012 at 16:20
WHy hasn't this been locked yet was a fun read though.
---- Check out my Post-Black metal band out here. New Ep out now!

Troy Killjoy
Pallbearer

Posts: 14797

Age: 21
From: Canada

	31.07.2012 at 16:36
Written by BoxCar Willy on 31.07.2012 at 16:20 WHy hasn't this been locked yet Because it was created four years ago and is at least related to metal.

BoxCar Willy
Clam Slammer

Posts: 5950

Age: 16
From: Canada

	31.07.2012 at 16:41
Written by Troy Killjoy on 31.07.2012 at 16:36 Written by BoxCar Willy on 31.07.2012 at 16:20 WHy hasn't this been locked yet Because it was created four years ago and is at least related to metal. I suppose, but it's the most train-wrecked thread I think I've seen )That's made it past a page, anyway)
---- Check out my Post-Black metal band out here. New Ep out now!

MetalicIron

Posts: 20
From: UK

	31.07.2012 at 23:50
GUESS WHO'S BACK hueahuhhueheuaheuheuaheuahuehauahuehaeuahuaheuhaue
---- /m\ METAL /m\

Sync
SatanicWarmaster

Posts: 395

Age: 18
From: UK

	01.08.2012 at 00:25
Written by MetalicIron on 31.07.2012 at 23:50 GUESS WHO'S BACK hueahuhhueheuaheuheuaheuahuehauahuehaeuahuaheuhaue Pleasant evening, good sir.
---- PM me if you have any spare jeedy weedies. Written by scapeplan on 30.10.2012 at 20:46 GODDAMN IF THEY DON'T WANT TO TOUCH MY NECKBEARD THEY SHOULD AT LEAST MAKE ME A SAMMICH

Unhealer
Eclectisist

Posts: 1483

Age: 22
From: Argentina

	01.08.2012 at 01:09
This may be old but I just learn about it. Excellent.

erikwithafro81

Posts: 7

Age: 25
From: USA

	01.08.2012 at 10:03
Funny stuff for sure, but does anyone remember myspace? This shit was all over dat myspace webslit. I'm back on MS (kind of, until tour) and that's that. Troy, you need to come see us play gad dammit.

Troy Killjoy
Pallbearer

Posts: 14797

Age: 21
From: Canada

01.08.2012 at 16:16

Written by erikwithafro81 on 01.08.2012 at 10:03
Troy, you need to come see us play gad dammit.

You guys are probably too big to come to Kingston, Ontario - but if you happen to somehow make it up here, I'd be glad to watch you guys shred a few chords in the wine cellar at the Mansion downtown.

The closest you'd probably ever get to that is a gig in Toronto or Ottawa though... Far too many people in the audience for my liking.

Mr. Doctor
Skandino

Posts: 13139

Age: 20
From: Sweden

	01.08.2012 at 23:37
Written by Troy Killjoy on 01.08.2012 at 16:16 Far too many people in the audience for my liking. [insert hipster joke here]
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Like you could kiss my ass Written by Milena on 31.01.2012 at 00:21 Post a picture of your bushy mane for redemption. Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49 Rod, let me love you.

nasmith

Posts: 109

Age: 17
From: USA

	30.11.2012 at 05:41
LMFAO This never gets old. I saw one version for Christian metal, where the knight gets to the castle, kills the dragon in the name of God, but doesn't have sex with the hot babe because "it isn't right" . . . .

Spirit Molecule

Posts: 1517

Age: 25
From: India

	30.11.2012 at 09:33
Written by nasmith on 30.11.2012 at 05:41 LMFAO This never gets old. I saw one version for Christian metal, where the knight gets to the castle, kills the dragon in the name of God, but doesn't have sex with the hot babe because "it isn't right" . . . . Shouldn't the Christian metal one go like this " The protagonist marches around the castle 7 times, slays the dragon in the name of god and sends it to hell, marries the maiden and then fucks the living daylight out of her"
---- If you never wake up from a dream does it become reality? Last fm Don't click here

Iamawalker

Posts: 209

Age: 20
From: Norway

30.11.2012 at 20:17

Written by Spirit Molecule on 30.11.2012 at 09:33

Written by nasmith on 30.11.2012 at 05:41

LMFAO

This never gets old. I saw one version for Christian metal, where the knight gets to the castle, kills the dragon in the name of God, but doesn't have sex with the hot babe because "it isn't right" . . . .

Shouldn't the Christian metal one go like this " The protagonist marches around the castle 7 times, slays the dragon in the name of god and sends it to hell, marries the maiden and then fucks the living daylight out of her"

They both do the trick.

Dentura
Lord of Shadows

Posts: 754

Age: 19
From: USA

	30.11.2012 at 20:32
This is gold.
---- ...And so death to the falsity of thy former rulers. Thy kingdom of "heaven" burns in a field of fire, and Dentura is the one true God thou must yield thy hearts and souls to in absolute submission. It is his ultimate decree and will unto thee..

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