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Sludge Phenomenon / Helldozer - Sludge Phenomenon / Helldozer review



Reviewer:
N/A
Band: Sludge Phenomenon / Helldozer
Album: Sludge Phenomenon / Helldozer
Style: Sludge metal
Release date: February 2009


Sludge Phenomenon
01. 2-D
02. Worn Out
03. Eyes On The Back
04. ??? (aka Questions)

Helldozer
05. Before The Storm
06. Driven
07. Deity
08. Fat Skin
09. Pacified
10. M.E.S.M.

Are you tired of listening to those corny big and overrated mainstream metal bands doing their same routine over and over again on every single record? Do you feel you have the weight of the world crashing down on your shoulders everytime some popular metal song kicks in everybody heard a zillion times before? Are you frustrated you don't seem able to find something new, fresh and cult anymore? If so, you may have a problem. But don't worry, we have just the solution for you. Try.... the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD!

Did you know that listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD is a whole crushing encounter and will actually make you live longer? Listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD is a pleasurable and effective way to discover two young Belgian sludge metal bands accentuating the groovy kind of the genre with even some hints to death metal. Scientists have proven that listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD will drastically increase the tiredness for generic metal. This while most doctors agree that listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD is an excellent way for the average metalhead to improve his/her appreciation for the unknown yet high-quality bands of the underground scene. On top of that, listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD is safe, affordable and great for your sex life.

So why worry about those mainstream bands and releases when you can simply not give a fuck about those things by listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD instead? But don't take my word for it, just listen to these testimonies:


Person 1: I started listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD for five hours straight the moment I found it in my mailbox. I've been addicted to its dirty and tempestuous sound since then. And today I'm a dandy Metal Storm reviewer. Ching ching.

Person 2: I have to admit I had... I was a bit skeptical at first. But I gotta say, these two bands really surprised me with their quasi-intelligent and divergent metal. Both bands are not afraid to push their creativity to the limit and the whole record just ends up being a blending, grooving and bouncing adventure. Wicked tempo changes, breakdowns and ponderous grooves tend to make the album a bit heavy, complex and technical but it's still catchy enough to appeal to the listener the whole ride long.

Person 3: Yes sir, I'm a convinced believer of this pleasurable release. Despite the fact that it's not really mind-shattering, super-innovative or spectacular, it still stays a congenial listening experience. Listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD is awe-some!


So? What are you waiting for? Don't live another day without the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldoze split CD in your collection and start listening to the Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD today... TODAY! Call now and receive a free cookie and a pat on the back.


Side effects may include surfing to MySpace, MySpace and MySpace, ordering the album together with a barrel of Belgian-brewed beer, writing reviews with a low sugar level and searching that same review for a hidden phone number to call for the free cookie. Results may vary.

Written by Thryce | 10.04.2009




Comments

Comments: 5   Visited by: 78 users
10.04.2009 - 19:24
Ivor
Staff
That was awesomely refreshing reading. I don't know whether it's intentional (probably is - it'd suit your profile) but this is a cool parody/ripoff of Jon Lajoie videos. Excellent!

I.
----
No friends for playing games
No foes who scorn my name
Computerized machines of steel and rust
/---/
No friends in my house on Mars
No foes in my house on Mars
I was born in my house on Mars
I will die in my house on Mars
-- Ayreon - My House on Mars
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10.04.2009 - 21:10
quirin

The Sludge Phenomenon/Helldozer split CD should be grateful he's got your review to increase its sales. Good Belgian stuff is rare enough for me to check out.
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10.04.2009 - 22:08
Diabolos
Space For Rent!
Best Review ever!
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10.04.2009 - 22:15
oroboros

Must admit after a long time i hv read a review thoroughly..;D
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23.04.2009 - 14:13
pdepmcp

Ahah..

this made me laugh.
anyway it's not a review, it's a piece of fun-art.

I checked the myspace for something (1 song from this cd by each band), just because I'm deep into sludge in this period, but, despite the funny review, they failed to make an impression.
maybe the whole cd sounds better.
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