101 Rules For Going To A Metal Concert
101 Rules For Going To A Metal Concert
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9.2 | 57 votes |
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1. Wear the band's shirt that you are there to see, even though it's already obvious 2. Go to the merch stand, stare forever while holding back the line, then leave without buying anything 3. When a musician gives you the microphone to scream a lyric, just yell random nonsense because you don't know the lyrics 4. Be too drunk to remember lyrics? or the show afterwards 5. Sing along loudly during ballads 6. Always mosh! This is non-negotiable 7. Lose your wallet 8. Get drunk 9. Yell a song that you want to hear, even though the band already played it 10. Bring your girlfriend to the show so she can hold your coat while you mosh 11. Swing your long, sexy metal hair even if it hits other people in their faces, but make sure not to wash it before hand 12. Don't headbang unless you have long hair 13. Don't bother to wear earplugs 14. Make out with your girlfriend in front of everyone 15. Since you are a pathetic, desperate metal head, violate any female that crowd-surfs. It's not sexual assault if no one sees it! 16. Be more brutal in the pit than a poodle with a sex change 17. If you're a really tall metal head, stand in the front. The only thing that matters is that YOU get the best view 18. Take pictures of the band playing with your shitty cell phone and then post them on your MySpace 19. Record 30 seconds of a song with your phone, then post it on YouTube 20. Talk on your cell phone while a band is playing, plug one hear with your finger, and try to shout over the music 21. But then later, lose your cell phone 22. Take your shirt off to look tough in the mosh pit 23. Guys don't care if they rub against sweaty, shirtless men, as long as they're METAL HEADS 24. During a fast and epic guitar solos, raise your hand and move your fingers really fast 25. During a really brutal or epic part of a song, hold up one open, clenched palm up in the air 26. Be more brutal in the pit than a zombie three-some 27. Fart next to a smelly, fat metal head and blame it on him 28. If you're too much of a pussy to mosh, then act tough by standing at the edge of the pit and push random moshers 29. Skip like a little school girl in the circle pit 30. Throw up your booze in the mosh pit - making the ground slippery only makes the show more brutal 31. Spend more money on alcohol than merch 32. Don't show up for the opening bands - the only bands that deserve your attention are the headliners 33. You must see Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom live every time they come to your city! 34. You cannot get the full concert experience with ear plugs - save them for the opening metalcore band 35. Don't bother with deodorant - you're going to mosh too hard for it to stay on anyways 36. Push as forward as you can during the headlining band to get as close as possible 37. Close male-to-male touching isn't gay at a metal concert 38. Girls shouldn't mosh unless they're lesbian 39. Be more brutal in the pit than 2 Girls 1 Snowcone Machine 40. A concert is always more important than your job 41. Be more brutal than your penile implant melting in the hot sun 42. If you're a girl, wear the slutiest outfit possible to the show 43. When crowd surfing, don't bother controlling your feet 44. People in the crowd don't mind getting kicked in the face 45. If you're huge and fat, don't be afraid to stage dive 46. The short, nerdy, folk metal fan will surely catch your fat ass 47. Be more brutal in the pit than The Jonas Brothers attempting gutturals 48. Anytime the vocalist announces the name of the next song, scream in excitement, even though you aren't familiar with it 49. Wear as much metal jewelry as possible 50. Metal spikes, studs, bracelets, etc. are acceptable even if they can cause serious injury and deadly impalement 51. Beat up the kid in the crowd who is wearing the As I Lay Dying shirt 52. Act tough while standing by yourself, while wearing your Trivium shirt and expensive Hot Topic pants 53. Try to sneak in the bar even if you're underage 54. Mosh for a band that isn't even fast! 55. You're too drunk anyways to be embarrassed 56. Say that your favorite band put on the best show ever, but don't go and see them again 57. Throw up the horns in between every song 58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending 59. If you see someone standing around, throw them into the pit 60. Dress as metal as possible for the concert - remember, accessorizing is key 61. If you don't mosh, then you are gay 62. Tell your mom that you're going to a Green Day concert, even though you are actually seeing Cannibal Corpse 63. Force your girlfriend to go to your metal concert, but when she asks you to go to a Chevelle concert with her, make up an excuse not to go 64. Keyboard solos are even more epic live 65. Smoke in between and during each band 66. Mosh for a few seconds, then stop because you are too tired to continue 67. Then smoke again 68. Don't be afraid to mosh or crowd surf while wearing combat boots 69. It is ok to kick even if you're wearing combat boots, unless you're hardcore dancing, then gtfo 70. Laugh at the random metalcore band that was added to the lineup at the last minute 71. And do not mosh for them 72. If you're a black metal fan at a death metal show, complain about the bands not being atmospheric enough 73. If you're a death metal fan at a black metal show, complain about the bands not being brutal enough 74. Don't buy a band's album at their merch table - just download it when you get home 75. Get a picture of yourself with a band member, but you have to pose while showing the horns with a brutal facial expression 76. You aren't a real fan unless you see your favorite band during their third re-reunion tour 77. Get drunk so you can't feel pain in the pit 78. Always flex during brutal parts of a song 79. Before the show, make friends with the biggest dudes you can find. Think of it as mosher's insurance 80. Don't be afraid to tie your shoe in the middle of a mosh pit 81. Destroy all hardcore dancers 82. Focus on the little 14 year olds in the pit to make you look tougher 83. Mosh with a boner so people fear you more 84. The harder you mosh, the greater chance that you will get laid, even though you didn't take a shower 85. If you're short, just use your elbows for leverage 86. Be more brutal in the pit than attending church naked 87. Perform a series of neck stretches before the show to ensure neck longevity 88. A concert that has seating is gay and therefore not metal 89. Drunkenly babble to everyone near you, thinking that they're interested in your opinions 90. Mosh so hard in the beginning and middle of the concert that you are too tired to move during the headlining band 91. Have your mom drop you off at the show 92. Even though she said she'd only drop you off if you take your little sister to the upcoming Jonas Brothers concert 93. Lose your shoe in the pit at least once during every band 94. Miss the band's first song because you were outside smoking 95. Moshing counts as exercise 96. Be more brutal than the decapitated prostitute decaying in your trunk 97. Go to a show looking to get laid, even though there are only four women in the entire venue, and three of them look like trolls 98. Stick around after the show forever, hoping to meet a band member 99. Offer a musician some free weed just to be able to hang out with them 100. Write about your newest concert experience in the appropriate Metal Storm thread 101. Always help someone up in the pit if they fall down |
Comments page 2 / 3
| Dangerboner Lactation Cnslt Posts: 7262  |
Yeah, well since of course we're all at a super brutal metal show and not at some gay harry potter folkemocore show, if there's a tall person in front of you, all you gotta do is push xD
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| Don Martin le fu- Posts: 424  |
Lol, I'm 1.71 m and 14 years old and there's always some drunk asshole smoking his ass of, stinking like a pig standing in front of me...
---- What a tackastrophe!
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| Kennoth Posts: 2502  |
I suggest you should be cautious of the rule 82 then: 82. Focus on the little 14 year olds in the pit to make you look tougher Btw: I'm 18 and 175, which is pretty short for someone my age
---- *insert something deep and profound*
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| ImHiringMinions Posts: 4 |
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8983  |
Written by whatsacow on 26.02.2010 at 00:17 just a question, you said "who hasn't been there" to number 42, which is "if you're a girl wear the slutiest outfit posible" ...but your a guy...
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| whatsacow Posts: 2075  |
Written by Boxcar Willy on 17.06.2010 at 00:52 Yeah... was a fun night lol.
---- When God made up the golden rule, do you think he noticed that it condones rape?
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8983 |
Written by whatsacow on 17.06.2010 at 01:54 ha ha heh ha.... i'm kinda scared
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| Valentin B Iconoclast Posts: 10084  |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 02.03.2010 at 18:15 from what i've seen most people who live south from (including) Mexico are small, except of course the Patagonians(even though the Spaniards themselves were dwarves, only 1.55 m tall average)  by some miracle though i finally witnessed a popular band's show with a perfect view (AC/DC about a month and a week ago), it was fucking epic not having to constantly sway left and right because of some huge asshole in front of me. it was fucking epic  i've been thinking of writing my own 101 rules of picking up chicks at metal concerts, i think i'm gonna begin writing right now haha
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18274  |
Written by Valentin B on 19.06.2010 at 12:07 Dude... Do it NOW! Bercause I´ll be in tçthe Theatre Of Tragedy concert in Chile tomorrow ahahhahahah. There will be a lot of goth chicks for sure XP
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Behdaad DEAD Posts: 206  |
102. Headbang as hard as you can in Doom concerts! Moshing is permitted, too! I saw some Draconian concerts in Youtube and I can't stand those guys who headbang with that Doom songs!
---- As tyranny becomes normality; We hang at the end of the rope.
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071  |
Written by Behdaad on 25.06.2010 at 17:50 Last weekend I saw a circle pit during Kyuss and people moshing during Candlemass. That is the most pathetic thing one can do together with stage dive mo. A slow headbang is possible at a doom gig.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| Derwood Posts: 511  |
Let's see...how'd I do? Damn, blew it on rule 1. Wore a 3 Inches of Blood to Dream Theater and Iron Maiden. All the way to 13 before I found a rule I didn't break (because I forgot my earplugs). Number 61 - got a wife and four kids, so I'm hetero...just too damn old and out of shape for moshing these days. Rule 100 - check. Hey, I managed to get 2 out of 101 right. Guess I'm just not that metal.
---- You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck!
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| Liquidus_Animus Posts: 31  |
 the boner in a mosh cracked me up.And I hate the random tall dude that's always in front. Doesn't help that I'm 5'4'' and pretty skinny 
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| Elodie Artour Slania Posts: 1175  |
LOL Thanks for taking your time and creating that list, Dangerboner! It is definitely hilarious and so damn true... As for example, I do wear earplugs at concerts but most of the people, who attend metal events, claim it's "untrue" and useless to wear such things. I'm short and sometimes, it is extremely difficult to see the currently playing band because of so many taller than me people all around at the very front of the stage. It's also damn annoying any time a metalhead decides to mosh, jump and headbang around me without caring whether I'll get hurt or simply won't be able to see anything because of his hair. I'm small, short and tiny, for fuck's sake!  It's just not fair!
---- Speak up dear 'cause I cannot hear you...
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| RafaRata Posts: 117  |
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| Warman Erotic Stains Posts: 7695  |
I seriously hate the ones who film the concerts with their mobile phone or digital camera. Your Youtube videos will suck major ass, you're in the way and NO ONE CARES about your videos! We do believe you if you say you where there, we don't need proof.
---- 
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| Mad Mike Posts: 163  |
I'm so gonna do rule 99 when I see skeletonwitch next month 
---- Did you ever notice that the people who tell you to get a life are normally people who should be dead in the first place?
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| Muse of Light Posts: 35  |
Oh my god, so incredibly appropriate...although it doesn't really seem geared to include metal girls. :p
---- "My past holds only pain and loss. I will conquer it by creating the perfect future." - Ixidor, reality sculptor
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| Muse of Light Posts: 35 |
Written by Warman on 16.08.2010 at 19:03 This!
---- "My past holds only pain and loss. I will conquer it by creating the perfect future." - Ixidor, reality sculptor
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| R.S Posts: 2  |
10. Bring your girlfriend to the show so she can hold your coat while you mosh ^ if you haven't any girl friend you can't go to metal concert... so go and find a girl friend... =)) ^ girls cant' go to our favorite band concert because they must go to their boy friend's favorite concert =))
---- MetallicA forever ....
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| Cappa666 Posts: 19  |
Written by Warman on 16.08.2010 at 19:03 fucking, very true
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| Beer Fairy Posts: 395  |
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| Luneth Account deleted |
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| arwestromen Posts: 645  |
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| Void_Eater Account deleted |
Void_Eater
Account deleted
I'm guilty of being the tall dude who stands at the front of the stage, and then bangs his head so much that anybody who approaches me will get whacked. I also take photos of the band with my shitty cellphone camera. Furthermore, my mom drives me to concerts, and my father picks me up. Kvlt as fuck 
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| arwestromen Posts: 645 |
Question: at my last maiden show i went to i was at the front as usual and I saw something that really amused me alot of short skinny girls (160cm/50kg 5´24/110 lbs)trying to get infront of everybody....now anyone who have been to a maiden show (or any show) knows that it will get very....."packed" when the band start playing that people in my size 193cm/83kg 6´3/182.6 lbs have trouble standing straight and sometimes difficulties to breathe... So my question is how does these tiny things survive?
---- Don't fuck with sweden We gave you IKEA
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| Vivi' Posts: 175  |
Written by arwestromen on 20.02.2011 at 17:57 Hahhahaha, I am one of those girls and I always try to be in front of everybody. The good thing is that there is no mosh pit but it sure is dangerous.
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| wormdrink414 Elite Posts: 1295  |
46. The short, nerdy, folk metal fan will surely catch your fat ass There's always one.
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| _Andy_ Posts: 18  |
83. Mosh with a boner so people fear you more Total killer
---- Strike from behind and knock me to the ground Kick me while I'm down! Stab me in the back, you bastards Tear my heart out of my chest! I'll rise from the ashes, from these ruins of mine A dozen of eyes for an eye - vengeance is mine!
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| ArtKiz Posts: 19  |
I kinda agree with rule #58. Metal concerts are the only concerts worth attending 
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