Written by defeat213 on 21.12.2014 at 00:24

Lulz, I'd care about lyrics if it weren't for the fact that guitar-based music is easily one of the least lyrical genres out there. C'mon man, there's whole genres dedicated to mindless gore. Phobophile has some of the most mindless lyrics I've ever heard and that's easily one of Cryptopsy's best works. This isn't hip-hop where lyrics are actually remotely important, instead it's an old Lou Reed talk-singing over backing instrumentals). And I don't know what you expected riff-wise, this wasn't meant to be an in-your-face thrasher of an album, it's composed much like a spoken word album, so of course the riffs aren't going to exciting, but they serve their purpose well. Also, if 68 minutes is "torture-length" to you then I'm also assuming Dopethrone, Terria, The Call of the Wretched Sea, Paragon of Dissonance, and the Galilean Satellites are all tortuous for you as well. Plus, The View is only one song, and the infamous "table verse" is a small part of the song, complaining about it makes you look like every 14-year old Metallica fan that slams Lulu despite having not heard it (and apparently you haven't even heard the whole thing). I still can't get over the fact that I just typed up that response to a baby's first Pentagram-clone fan. But please, tell me more about how lyrics are actually important to you, a user on the same site that collectively gave Molesting the Decapitated an 8.2 out of 10.

No, metal is not a lyricist's genre at all, but still, this one's lyrics are offensively bad and they are quite audible, unlike say Cryptopsy's, where it is quite impossible to understand what Lord Worm randomly barks.

You are also forgetting, that the long albums you listed are all good listens and thus their length is not a disadvantage, not to mention, their styles are such that the long format benefits them. This album is BAD that is why it is "torture-length".

Also, no matter if the riffs serve their purpose, or not, if they do not make listening to the album a positive experience at all. Stuff on this album might exist for a purpose, but that doesn't mean it makes a good album. It does not. It is bad, downright terrible. If you enjoy it, that's fine, though this is one album I cannot imagine ANYONE liking, but I can tell you, the hate reaction this album gets is not because metal fans are so stupid they cannot understand it or w/e, but because this shit is so bland that prior to hearing this album I could not imagine any music can be this bad.

Written by Uldreth on 21.12.2014 at 12:23

but I can tell you, the hate reaction this album gets is not because metal fans are so stupid they cannot understand it or w/e, but because this shit is so bland that prior to hearing this album I could not imagine any music can be this bad.

No, the hate reaction this album got is because it reached ears it should never have. If Lou had picked another unknown/under metal band and had gotten a similar result, some would have praised and maybe most would have hated it as any other experimental album of this kind, there wouldn't have been such a fuss about it.
But no, Lou chose fucking Metallica, probably the most mainstream metal band and so the album (or at least "The View", people have admittedly rated this 1 or 2 based on that song only or 5 more minutes of the album maybe) got to people you would expect to check new Metallica material out, that included a whole lot of fans, haters and "casuals" if you may.
Add to that the fact that it's cool to hate Metallica these days, so people are really vocal about everything these guys do wrong. This was a chance not to be missed really.


tl;dr = This album is hated this much because Lou chose Metallica as his backup band and thus reached ears any Metallica output would have and of course wouldn't be pleasant to, not because of the actual album content.

Written by Unhealer on 21.12.2014 at 15:00

tl;dr = This album is hated this much because Lou chose Metallica as his backup band and thus reached ears any Metallica output would have and of course wouldn't be pleasant to, not because of the actual album content.

A large portion of the hate undoubtedly stems from the polarity of how people view Metallica, but you'd be overgeneralising if you said that those perspectives constituted the entire reception of the album. I'm quite open-minded, yet look at my rating

Written by LeKiwi on 21.12.2014 at 16:37

A large portion of the hate undoubtedly stems from the polarity of how people view Metallica, but you'd be overgeneralising if you said that those perspectives constituted the entire reception of the album. I'm quite open-minded, yet look at my rating

I know, I wasn't implying that. I'm saying that is why the record is hated SO much and not just bastardized for a while and then forgotten like other "bad" albums.

Written by Unhealer on 21.12.2014 at 15:00

got to people you would expect to check new Metallica material out, that included a whole lot of fans, haters and "casuals" if you may.

Stupid casuals, when are they going to learn how awesome sniffing shit in the wind is?

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You are also forgetting, that the long albums you listed are all good listens and thus their length is not a disadvantage, not to mention, their styles are such that the long format benefits them. This album is BAD that is why it is "torture-length".

Except this album isn't a bad listen, so the length doesn't hurt it. Regardless, the guy didn't even listen to the full album, so it's whatever.

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I could not imagine any music can be this bad.

Ever heard of crunkcore or slam? At worst, this album is inoffensive, at best it's great. Why there's so much vitriol for an album that has no place being in the discussion of worst albums ever is something I'll never get.

Written by defeat213 on 21.12.2014 at 21:48


Ever heard of crunkcore or slam? At worst, this album is inoffensive, at best it's great. Why there's so much vitriol for an album that has no place being in the discussion of worst albums ever is something I'll never get.

On slam you mean slam death metal? I much prefer slam to this atrocity. Slam is dumb heavy music for the sake of being heavy, but is quite enjoyable if done well. Unlike this pile of shit .

Still the worst.

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On slam you mean slam death metal? I much prefer slam to this atrocity. Slam is dumb heavy music for the sake of being heavy, but is quite enjoyable if done well. Unlike this pile of shit .

There's no such thing as slam "done well"

Terrible album, but you guys shouldn't judge Lou Reed based on it. He was a great songwriter.

Ok I just listened to this again and it really isn't that bad. Sure, Lou's "vocals" are pretty terrible, but the music is ok.

This is as bad as "art" of any form can be. I'd go as far to say this is objectively bad, to be honest. This is a game changer in terms of monumental failures on every level. Hard to believe only about 5 years have gone by since this came out, feels like an eternity.

I think I'm the only person on this site that hasn't heard anything from this.

Written by Guest on 31.05.2017 at 23:58

I think I'm the only person on this site that hasn't heard anything from this.

"I AM THE TABLE" is the best part

Written by Paz on 01.06.2017 at 00:04

"I AM THE TABLE" is the best part

I can't tell if that is on repeat, or if they actually played the same thing over and over...
I've heard people making fun of that line before, but I don't get why people would make a big deal about Metallica or Lou Reed writing bad lyrics... Well, maybe not Lou Reed so much, but James's lyrics have been dumb for a long time imo.

Written by Guest on 01.06.2017 at 00:37

but James's lyrics have been dumb for a long time imo.

metal lyrics have been utterly dumb long before Metallica's were. Metal is lyrically one of the most horrendous genres around.

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 01.06.2017 at 01:09


metal lyrics have been utterly dumb long before Metallica's were. Metal is lyrically one of the most horrendous genres around.

Yeah, your right. I for one usually don't pay any attention to lyrics unless they are understandable.

This is the soundtrack to being lost in the desert while being high on acid.

I almost died while listening to this. Seriously though, this wouldn't be that bad without the horrible vocals of Lou Reed.

Edit: It's really not as bad as people make it out to be. As soon as you can tolerate Lou Reed's vocals it's an okay album I guess.

The Most Fail album of all time

This album is just a mess all the way around in all honesty. When the music sounds alright, then Lou Reed comes on and starts performing GOD AWFUL "vocals."... Then when Lou Reed actually sounds decent, the music is wacked out... like WTF?! Reed's lyrics are all over the place and make zero sense. I imagine Reed was hitting the bottle a bit too much while writing the lyrics. Lars plays as crappy as he usually does (His stuff before the black album were all good, but he's gone WAY downhill) and does all sorts of awkward fills. Literally the ONLY positive is that this album is very good for a very big laugh. This album is one of, if not the funniest album I've ever heard.

The album is really not bad, Metallica fans just don't understand it. If you treat it as a Metallica album guest starring Lou Reed on vocals, then yes, it's horrendous, as Lou Reed could hardly sing at this point and it's very weird even aside from the low vocal quality. But that's not the point. It's Lou Reed reciting poetry with a badass backing track. If you take it from that angle, it's actually decent. Haven't forced myself to listen through the whole album yet as it's not a very pleasant experience and to really get much out of it you really need to focus on what is being said, but I just listened to Pumping Blood and it's frankly a work of art, it's disturbing in all the right ways.

Written by Ganondox on 18.04.2018 at 20:13

The album is really bad

Here, I fixed it for you.

Written by Daniell on 19.04.2018 at 11:46

I am a butthurt metalhead who has no appreciation for anything other than instant gratification and likes conforming to trends instead of every contributing something meaningful to this conversation or really society in general.

What was that?

A tired thrash metal band making an album with a tired drugged drag rock artist who was somehow interesting in the early 70's. I still suffer consequences for hearing this album. This is liking eating someone's vomit. No thank you!

Given the amount of effort put on writing this album. Any reviewer should simply write, LOL BITCH and give it 0/10. The yelling of Jack I beseech you on pumping blood is one of the funniest things I've ever had. The line to be dry and spermless like a girl is the most stupid thing I've heard in my life.

I still think this is the greatest achievement of Metallica's career. They actually managed to make something worse than St. Anger. They accomplished the impossible. Way to go!

Not a Metallica fan, so I wont hate this album because of the worship of this band.
The main problem is Lou Reeds vocal, terrible as hell. Its such a bad idea to combine Lou and metal together.
The second problem is the lyrics. I dont give much fuck to lyrics. But in some songs Reed always repeat and repeat and repeat the same thing over and over again. That s so fucking annoying, just makes me mad.
The third problem is some strange, noisy, unmelodic sounds like bee buzz or scratching the blackboard which hurt my ears a lot. Those sounds appeared too much in the album. Not cool at all, but make the music stupid.
The last song is a disaster, lasts for 19 minutes and makes no sense. Many parts are pure repeating. Listen to the ending part is such a torture.
Although, Instruments are not that bad, ive heard some good riffs in some songs. I dont know if Metallica recycled those riffs or not, but to be honest, they sound ok. But instruments of some songs just repeat the same things like Lou Reed does to the lyrics. Considering most songs are long, its boring.
As a summary, a bad album of course. But at least have some ok parts. I believe it should be around 3/10.

It's so rewarding to see that 8 years after its release, this piece of shit is still getting dumpstered on.