101 rules of Death metal
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101 rules of Death metal
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9.2 | 46 votes |
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1. Follow the rules of Death Metal 2. Death Metallers need to have really long hair (maybe down to their ankles) or no hair at all but a long beard 3. Always add a couple of blood stains in your band logo 4. Don't you ever write satanic lyrics unless you are Glen Benton 5. Be Glen Benton 6. Use the word "Skull" instead of "School" to be brutal 7. Hate subgenres, there's nothing more than "Old School Death Metal" period 8. Always claim to be Old School, even if you don't know who Xecutioner were 9. You hate the fact that people say "Death" created the genre 10. If you have an Arch Enemy record always say the following: "They suck, but Angela Gossow is sooo hot" 11. You already sold your "In Flames" albums along with everything that it's not "Old School" 12. Try to look really pissed in photos 13. Always look at the camera, but your face must be pointing upwards or downwards 14. Be GROOOOOOOWL 15. Use the word Growl a lot 16. Tell people you lived to see the "Tape Trading" days even when you're only 15 years old 17. Use a lot?and I mean a freaking lot of Breakdowns in your music 18. Always copy the riffs of someone else 19. Jump whenever you hear the main riff of "Hammer Smashed Face" 20. Hide your Cannibal Corpse albums from your mom 21. Always end the name of your band with the postfix "Ation" (Suffocation, Immolation, Incantation, Tribulation, etc.) 22. If you can't think of any name with "Ation" replace it with "Ment" (Enthrallment, Dismemberment, Abolishment, Cadaverment, etc.) 23. Ok, let's say you still can't think of any name?there's still "Ence" for you (Abhorrence, Vehemence, Benevolence, Decadence, etc.) 24. Chances are you'll end up naming your band Disgorge anyway? 25. Fart a lot 26. Burp a lot 27. Don't have a girlfriend 28. If you have a girlfriend Burp and Fart on her nose? 29. You were a member of Death 30. People say you are(were) a member of Brujeria 31. Make sure to bring your meathook for a sodomy night 32. Be extremely GROOOOOOWL 33. End a phrase with GROOOOOOOWL 34. Don't you ever?EVER?listen to Melodeath 35. Hate Melodeath by any means 36. Melodeath is totally gay 37. You have "Heartwork" in you CD collection 38. "Heartwork" was the first Melodeath album ever released 39. Therefore you're gay 40. Then you seriously hate Swedish Death Metal? 41. Swedish Metal is totally gay 42. You have the entire Unleashed collection 43. Unleashed is a Swedish Death Band 44. Therefore you're gay 45. You still hate bands like Dark Tranquility and In Flames 46. That doesn't mean you're not gay 47. You have the amazing capability of contradicting yourself 48. Always go to concerts and leave with blood in your face 49. The blood must be of someone else's nose 50. Mosh till your arms fall out from your body 51. Mosh until your legs break in half 52. TorsoMOSH!!! 53. Erik Rutan mastered your record 54. In Death Metal orgasms always come with pain instead of pleasure 55. Hate everything that is not Death Metal 56. Hate everything that is not GROWL 57. You were never a kid 58. You were born an adult 59. Have no sense of humor 60. Pee outside the can 61. Eat nothing but read meat and things that make your body fat 62. Be fat 63. Try to be extremely fat 64. If you're not fat you are Trey Azagthoth 65. Tell a cartoonist to draw your album cover 66. Tell him you want a lot of blood and sex in it 67. Always use a lot of naked chicks in your covers 68. Those naked chicks are obviously cadavers 69. Sodomize the cadavers found in your artwork 70. Dismember the cadavers in your artwork that you already sodomized 71. Have sex with the remaining parts 72. You have to be seriously sick in the head to be a Death Metaller 73. If you don't have naked chicks available, use anything that looks like pulp for your album cover 74. The good trick comes when you use pulpified fruits that look kind of Gore 75. Name your songs after diseases that don't even exist. 76. Try to use "Semen" a lot when writing lyrics 77. "Flesh", "Skin", "Bowels" and words that sound creepy are so Brutal 78. Hate Black Metal 79. You only use Black Metal words (like "Necro") to name your band 80. You only like Philip Anselmo for being a member of "Necrophagia" 81. You maybe still respect Thrash Metal bands like Pantera and Metallica 82. Pantera used to be Glam Metal and Metallica released a Nu-Metal album 83. Therefore you're gay 84. There's no way possible for you to escape gayness 85. You don't use a Bass for layers or synchronization, you use it to make your music illegible and Gore 86. You can poo in public places 87. Never say "poo" always go with "Feces" 88. Faeces are so Br00Tall 89. For you Carcass died after "Necroticism?" 90. Always use fake blood at a concert 91. It's not Brutal, it's Br00Tall 92. Blast Beats are our friends 93. Remember to play as fast as Diarrhea 94. Hate trees, trolls, wolves, and non-Br00tall things, they're gay 95. Love guts, blood, cannibals, murder, and GROWL things, they're still gay but GROWL 96. Be Gore enough to scare kids and moms 97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being 98. Download tons of porn 99. Say Hostel and SAW III were mild movies even though you almost puked in the theatre 100. Don't talk?Growl 101. Make sure you're dumb and loser enough to write 101 rules for Death Metal, in other cases, be dumb and loser enough to read 101 stupid phrases about Death Metal. |
Comments page 3 / 4
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| >Odysseus Posts: 36 From: Iraq  |
NO.101 was the MOST right one in th whole thing ! XD but u can cut all that crap and just say if u listen to death metal then u r gay ! :p
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| Oracle Orcinus Posts: 1425 From: Australia  |
Haha those rules are brilliant XD 28. If you have a girlfriend Burp and Fart on her nose? Haha that one cracked me up 
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Posts: 18274 From: Sweden  |
97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being That one was brilliant xD
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Demonmayonnaise Posts: 362 From: USA  |
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| enanox Posts: 19 From: Uruguay  |
5. Be Glen Benton i would add a rule next to that: 5 2/4. Only be Glen Benton if you told your friends you'll live until 33. 5 3/4. Don't kill yourself.
---- Atmospheric metal: we forecast a flood of meaningless notes during the next 25 minutes to satisfy emos.
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| dying2live Posts: 11 From: Canada |
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| Valentin B Iconoclast Posts: 10084 From: Czech Republic  |
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| Gigginova Account deleted |
Gigginova
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"there's no way possible to escape gayness" lol, and I love all the ones to do with fatness....and if you're not fat, you're Trey Azagthoth
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| AiwiAstwihad AiryanaKhvarenah Posts: 1421 From: Iran  |
27. Don't have a girlfriend 57. You were never a kid 58. You were born an adult 97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being Wow...So i'm Tr00 as hell. LOL
---- You who will come to the surface
From the flood that's overwhelmed us and drowned us all Must think, when you speak of our weakness in times of darkness That you've not had to face
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| Butters49 Posts: 208 From: Canada  |
17. Use a lot?and I mean a freaking lot of Breakdowns in your music WTF REAL DEATH METAL DOESNT USE BREAKDOWNS. EVER
---- "Sataaaaaaaaan. Yeah yeah!" -King Diamond
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| Daggon Underpaid M.D. Posts: 1689 From: Mexico  |
"You wer never a kid" that also could be "You were born as a br00tal kid" "... if you're not fat, you're Trey Azagthoth" LOL that really makes sense haha.
---- "Les vers savent qu'ils n'ont pas d'ailes, c'est pour cela qu'ils se cachent sous terre"
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| Bloodshed Account deleted |
Bloodshed
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98. Download tons of porn 57. You were never a kid 58. You were born an adult What does this has to do with anything? LOL!
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| AbdelioR Posts: 105 From: Spain  |
97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being. XDDDDDD
---- 97. Keep your Gore level down for your friends, you're still a social being.
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| bloodwrage Pagan Angel Posts: 444 From: USA |
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| GamlaSonn Posts: 169 From: Norway |
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| Lvk Posts: 3 From: USA |
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| Entropic Silence Posts: 251 From: New Zealand  |
True GRRROOOWWWLLL Death metal fans are pretty opinionated. i like that this comes across
---- VICTORY!!!!! (They love it in France)
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| thewall30 Posts: 338 From: USA  |
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8978 From: Canada  |
Written by Guest on 10.03.2010 at 03:53 yes
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8978 From: Canada |
Hahaha torsomosh
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| AyΣm Abyssal Zebra Posts: 282 From: France  |
21.22.23 I'll call my name "Ationmentence", so I'll be brOOtal three more times!
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| oath to vanquish Posts: 28 From: Syria  |
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