Metal Storm - April Fools!
WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?
Well, we hope you enjoyed yesterday's hijinks. While we are looking to raise enough revenue through advertising to cover operating costs, by no means would we turn into a metal-oriented adult website and the redirection to our new url, MetalPorn.net was just an April Fool's goof.
As usual, we had the jackwagons who figured it out early and had to post "look at the date!' bright and early on the news thread to ruin the fun rather than just play along. We're also sorry if we inconvenienced any of you with the NSFW images and sounds of yesterday's merry prank. To the one angry user who pm'd BitterCOld in all caps and curses that he was suspended from school when the teacher walked by his desk and heard the screaming female orgasm and braying donkey sounds looped over death metal riffing.... we'd feel bad for you, but hey, you should not have been visiting the site in class.
To the users that played along, we hope you had as much fun with it as we did. And when we said "SHOW ME YOUR DANGERZONES!" we were just kidding. There is not enough booze at the bar to scorch some of the images you sent us from our (now permanently scarred) brains.
And rest assured, the images of "The Devil's Threeway", featuring Marcel and Doc Godin banging Jasmine St. Claire on top of a T-34 tank in an abandoned steel mill were just photoshopped. They really made her airtight on a used mattress in front of a green screen in a lot in Van Nuys, California. As if we could afford tank rental? And yes, Marcel's washboard abs were absolutely real and in no way the product of digital manipulation. Same goes for Doc's superfluous 3rd nipple.
We are also sorry to say for you pervy fapsters, the dream is dead. The installment of Ms Wintersoul's sex advice column/blog, Moan Like Mora, entitled "A Metal Maiden's Masterful Mutual Masturbation Maneuvers Mapped Out", is the one and only entry of this blog, and has since been scrubbed from the internet in the name of common decency. Even teh interw3bs was not ready for smut this ribald and naughty. And while some of us might have lol'd at your dangerzone pics, she didn't find them so amusing. She'll be posting them up on metalfanswithlaughablysmallcocks.org shortly. Pun intended.
So with that is back to normal, with the naughtiest/raciest things on the site being greased up men in loin cloths on album covers and ascii penii in the shout box.
Hope it was as good for you as it was for us!
- The MetalStorm Team
Well, we hope you enjoyed yesterday's hijinks. While we are looking to raise enough revenue through advertising to cover operating costs, by no means would we turn into a metal-oriented adult website and the redirection to our new url, MetalPorn.net was just an April Fool's goof.
As usual, we had the jackwagons who figured it out early and had to post "look at the date!' bright and early on the news thread to ruin the fun rather than just play along. We're also sorry if we inconvenienced any of you with the NSFW images and sounds of yesterday's merry prank. To the one angry user who pm'd BitterCOld in all caps and curses that he was suspended from school when the teacher walked by his desk and heard the screaming female orgasm and braying donkey sounds looped over death metal riffing.... we'd feel bad for you, but hey, you should not have been visiting the site in class.
To the users that played along, we hope you had as much fun with it as we did. And when we said "SHOW ME YOUR DANGERZONES!" we were just kidding. There is not enough booze at the bar to scorch some of the images you sent us from our (now permanently scarred) brains.
And rest assured, the images of "The Devil's Threeway", featuring Marcel and Doc Godin banging Jasmine St. Claire on top of a T-34 tank in an abandoned steel mill were just photoshopped. They really made her airtight on a used mattress in front of a green screen in a lot in Van Nuys, California. As if we could afford tank rental? And yes, Marcel's washboard abs were absolutely real and in no way the product of digital manipulation. Same goes for Doc's superfluous 3rd nipple.
We are also sorry to say for you pervy fapsters, the dream is dead. The installment of Ms Wintersoul's sex advice column/blog, Moan Like Mora, entitled "A Metal Maiden's Masterful Mutual Masturbation Maneuvers Mapped Out", is the one and only entry of this blog, and has since been scrubbed from the internet in the name of common decency. Even teh interw3bs was not ready for smut this ribald and naughty. And while some of us might have lol'd at your dangerzone pics, she didn't find them so amusing. She'll be posting them up on metalfanswithlaughablysmallcocks.org shortly. Pun intended.
So with that is back to normal, with the naughtiest/raciest things on the site being greased up men in loin cloths on album covers and ascii penii in the shout box.
Hope it was as good for you as it was for us!
- The MetalStorm Team
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| tea[m]ster Au Pays Natal Posts: 5245 From: USA  |
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| strade Posts: 677 From: USA  |
Written by tea[m]ster on 01.04.2012 at 23:37 You lucked out, my friend. *shudders*
---- My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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| tea[m]ster Au Pays Natal Posts: 5245 From: USA |
Written by strade on 01.04.2012 at 23:50 Oh, nothing to write home - or Cyber Nanny - about?
---- rekt
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| strade Posts: 677 From: USA |
Written by tea[m]ster on 01.04.2012 at 23:53 All I know is that there are certain things you can't unsee. I can't speak any more on the matter for my own sake.
---- My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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| Mega Wolf Posts: 13 From: Brazil |
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| demonsarising Posts: 60 From: USA |
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| wildchild Warchild Posts: 4650 From: Brazil  |
Came here to see the aprils fool joke.... but missed ;p damn.
---- warchildpost.blogspot.com
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| IronAngel Posts: 4872 From: Finland  |
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| strade Posts: 677 From: USA |
All right, I gotta say it: the amount of people falling for this is absolutely dumbfounding. I mean, really? Anyone who got past the Marcel and Doc rape part while still thinking it was all true must be a very trusting individual. I'm starting to think I'm getting April fooled by you people as you pretend to buy all of it... Speaking of which, anyone interested in owning their very own bridge should feel free to contact me. Reach me at: ragingconartist@gmail.com.
---- My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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| corrupt With a lowercase c Posts: 3121 From: Germany  |
Written by strade on 02.04.2012 at 01:04 Sometimes people are just playing along for the fun. And why wouldn't they? I say thanks to everyone for playing. Was a fun day.
---- 
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Posts: 40071 From: The Netherlands  |
Written by strade on 02.04.2012 at 01:04 Btw loved your pm, especially considering your taste in old metal  and also the way you followed it up in a thread when quoting me 
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Posts: 40071 From: The Netherlands |
Oh yeah I enjoyed the recommendations I got from you people even though most of them were horrendous 
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996
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| strade Posts: 677 From: USA |
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 02.04.2012 at 01:18 Thanks! I worked really hard on that one, and I figured you'd like my references. It was a labor of good ole, fun hatred. All a joke, of course...
---- My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Posts: 40071 From: The Netherlands |
Written by strade on 02.04.2012 at 01:22 Btw unfortunately I don't own that many rare Mercyful Fate and Savatage vinyls just one of each
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996
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| strade Posts: 677 From: USA |
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 02.04.2012 at 01:24 I own one of each, but they're lesser additions than yours.  One day, I'll land that yellow Avatar 7"... Yes, you'll see... YOU"LL ALL SEE!!!!
---- My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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| Graveheart Posts: 1543 From: Finland  |
Written by strade on 02.04.2012 at 01:04 I'm getting the feeling you're trying to april fool us all by pretending you were april fooled by people pretending that they didn't get the joke...
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8974 From: Canada  |
Written by tea[m]ster on 01.04.2012 at 23:53 All I can say is a threw up. legit. Now I have only 1 of 2 laptops :/
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| Doc G. Full Grown Hoser Posts: 9718 From: Canada  |
Everyone who sent me bad 80's pop music; go to hell. Thank you, Doc
---- "I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck." - George Carlin
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8974 From: Canada |
Written by Doc G. on 02.04.2012 at 04:50 haha. I wrote a love letter to Joe. But he didn't send me a response. /foreveralone.
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| BitterCOld The Ancient One Posts: 15250  |
Written by Doc G. on 02.04.2012 at 04:50 forward it my way... got some amusing pms as well. was a funny double prank.
---- get the fuck off my lawn. Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8974 From: Canada |
I guess Joe didn't recieve mine before he went to bed. 
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| Angelic Storm Melodious Posts: 6675 From: UK  |
Written by strade on 02.04.2012 at 01:04 "Marcel and Doc rape part"? :\ I don't recall seeing the word "rape" anywhere in the OP... Then again, after reading the words "adult website", "porn", "orgasm", and "NSFW", I just quickly glanced through the rest of the post, so I didn't actually see a lot of the content after that point. lol The idea that the post itself was an April fools had crossed my mind, hence why my above post was said at least partly in jest. The waiting list for bridges is very high at the moment, as currently they all seem to occupied. So I think I'll need to wait a while before owning my very own bridge. 
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| Syk myspace/bonerama Posts: 1504 From: New Zealand  |
I missed metalporn.net? FML. Seriously.
---- death ? thrash ? death/doom/prog ? Hail Zoldon! he's not the kind you have to wind up on Sundays
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| Milena gloom cookie Posts: 4603 From: Norway  |
Written by Boxcar Willy on 01.04.2012 at 15:37 Yeah, I really rocked it with all these New Age femi words, didn't I? 
---- 7.0 means the album is good
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| Spirit Molecule spirit molecule Posts: 1918 From: India  |
Written by Boxcar Willy on 02.04.2012 at 04:59 Haha I wrote Joe as well
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| BitterCOld The Ancient One Posts: 15250 |
There was no mention of rape in the piece. we will throw around jokes for April 1st... but not rape. i thought the implication was clear that we merely hired an adult film starlet - one who is a legit metal fan at that, a location, and shot a movie. with special effects. 
---- get the fuck off my lawn. Beer Bug Virus Spotify Playlist crafted by Nikarg and I. Feel free to tune in and add some pertinent metal tunes!
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| tea[m]ster Au Pays Natal Posts: 5245 From: USA |
Written by Doc G. on 02.04.2012 at 04:50 lol, that sir is fucking funny!
---- rekt
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8974 From: Canada |
Written by ScreamingSteelUS on 03.04.2012 at 00:23 WE CAN DANCE IF WE WANT TO! WE CAN LEAVE DOC BEHIND, CAUSE DOC DON'T DANCE, AND IF HE DON'T DANCE, WELL HE'S NO FRIEND OF MINE!
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| ScreamingSteelUS Editor-in-Chief Posts: 5669 From: USA  |
Written by Boxcar Willy on 03.04.2012 at 02:52 You tell him, Willy.
---- "Earth is small and I hate it" - Lum Invader I'm the Agent of Steel.
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| selken Irreligious Posts: 949 From: El Salvador  |
Is there a way to see this year's joke? I was in the middle of nowhere that day... 
---- 
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