Quote:

Written by Torelli on 01.08.2012 at 18:01

[

Forgot to answer. yes, im back as you may have notice But i think it will only be temporary, MS is a summer distraction for me. But i guess i will pop up any random year or so.



Back to the thread. Has any of you gone through your old works and relized that the old stuff you wrote before descripes your current life and events so much better than it did when it was written? As if you have grown into the poem or something?

Dude its sad if you leaving, I feel like fuck uop now, old SAS trick might save me from hospitalzing and cold watter to
I gonna ansver to thgat when I will feel good agan
Fuck 2 times I have been fucked before Luleå kalaset

(been awhile since i contributed, so here's one)

FIGHTING SOLDIER:

alone dark and quiet
nonchalent ambience surrounds me,
i am worn
i feel torn
i am young
i feel old
i walk this path not alone
my shadow beside me


in the valley of death i stand
i embrace it's hold on me
i don't let go
i can't see
i can't hear
i feel numb
i start to shiver
i look down my crosshair
i can't tell who is who
or if the war is though

i start to run
i don't stop
my heart racing
something passes though me
i collapse on the ground i walk
i crawl to the sight of a shadow
it beckons me near
suddenly i can hear
it says "come now, it's over"

i take it's hand
knowing it's my last dance
it laughs deviously
and im pulled below
into the unknown.



(feedback is welcome thx )

The Glory of Gold, The Ocean of Blood And The Taste of Sea Salt

In the yellow dawn of July,
he came down to the Tortuga coast
The legends and myths of the Pirate Age
Ran through his dreams

The Treasure of the once great Pirate King
Did weave a magnificent fable
Once he had been hung for his crimes
His treasure was open for grabs, so they set sail

A treacherous journey awaited them
But fortune favors the bold
Each had a different goal
Gold, adventure, his own legend to be heard

As they sailed through the storm
Holding their own against the angry sea
Many lives were lost
To be avenged in the name of glory

Abandon all hope
Ye who enter here
Your blood's the price
The devil will come to collect

With his flintlock pistol to the side
And his cutlass held up high
He turn to his men and cried
"To the north!"

The crushing waters wash away life
Wood smashed into splinter
They found his body
drifting with the tides pale as snow

Perhaps another will come to claim
The gold for his own merit
Perhaps one day another
will become King of the Pirates

Written by Torelli on 01.08.2012 at 18:01



Forgot to answer. yes, im back as you may have notice But i think it will only be temporary, MS is a summer distraction for me. But i guess i will pop up any random year or so.



Back to the thread. Has any of you gone through your old works and relized that the old stuff you wrote before descripes your current life and events so much better than it did when it was written? As if you have grown into the poem or something?

Never realy thought about it time to time I read and words sound great how in those days , sometimes I dont remeber idea but its good , well its mystery

Love is Blind


Love is blind in room full whit stars
who sines only when moonshine pump the angines
Love is blind in the world where junkey can not pay the bill
In this fancy restraunt where dead souls thiks thay have future
Love is blind in space full whit souls
Who's alive but hopeing to die
Love is blind in this walls full whit boys n girls
When they starts at pink walls and try to see their future is painted blue
Love is blind in this gypsie saloon
where whitches telling future, you know its lies, but still belive
Love is blind in place where million dollar man
Promises he will help the poor every day n night
Love is blind in this windows
Where love once was alive


Epoch Of Unlight



I can not find a peace from torments
Whyle romimg around, daydreaming
Im in mysanthropfy, I can not brake out
Empty breath and my lungs is screaming
Nevermore, neverland and much much more
In place where I shall go so soon
'cause my life is Epoch Of Unlight

@Bad English: have you ever heard of the band Epoch of Unlight., is there any influence or coincidental ?

Written by Guest on 05.08.2012 at 03:35

The Glory of Gold, The Ocean of Blood And The Taste of Sea Salt

In the yellow dawn of July,
he came down to the Tortuga coast
The legends and myths of the Pirate Age
Ran through his dreams

The Treasure of the once great Pirate King
Did weave a magnificent fable
Once he had been hung for his crimes
His treasure was open for grabs, so they set sail

A treacherous journey awaited them
But fortune favors the bold
Each had a different goal
Gold, adventure, his own legend to be heard

As they sailed through the storm
Holding their own against the angry sea
Many lives were lost
To be avenged in the name of glory

Abandon all hope
Ye who enter here
Your blood's the price
The devil will come to collect

With his flintlock pistol to the side
And his cutlass held up high
He turn to his men and cried
"To the north!"

The crushing waters wash away life
Wood smashed into splinter
They found his body
drifting with the tides pale as snow

Perhaps another will come to claim
The gold for his own merit
Perhaps one day another
will become King of the Pirates

Very well structured poem. I just only dont get the last part, is that King of Pirates are two person throughout of the poem for the sake of legend Pirates, etc.. ?

Written by FOOCK Nam on 15.08.2012 at 05:55

Very well structured poem. I just only dont get the last part, is that King of Pirates are two person throughout of the poem for the sake of legend Pirates, etc.. ?

The poem was inspired by the One Piece anime, so "King Of The Pirates" is a term used exactly as it says: A pirate king.

Written by FOOCK Nam on 15.08.2012 at 05:52

@Bad English: have you ever heard of the band Epoch of Unlight., is there any influence or coincidental ?

I know band since 2005 when I discovere it at BM radio and Im huge fan of it
band inipated me. I stoll name its all

Behind cathedral walls

Behind cathedral walls
Im hiding from my self
when talking whit my imaginary friends

Behind cathedral walls
I try to understand
Find the way to open my self to others

Behind cathedral walls
Im listening how wind whispers
In rainy autumn night

Behind cathedral walls
I dont need to ansver
why there is eternal sorrow in my eyes

Behind cathedral walls
I made my dessition
To do what I have to do

Behind cathedral walls
Im rejecting my fears
of broken covenant's spell

Behind cathedral walls
Im dying inside
I dont need to explain anybody why

V.

The snow whispered from the T.V.

waiting me for the dying instant.

With my electrified fingers

I left.


The frost slipped over my face

scratching my grimy eyes.


I gotta go

registering my eyes and nodding.


And we waited.

we waited


I gotta go
I gotta stay


I waited for me

shaking at the shore

with a hand over my eyes

I saw me

like spectral fragments

over the shit

naming myself.


Answer you

whore


In white spectrum
I waited

In white spectrum
I held it


The screen turns off

The door knocks

I open

They tune in my body

on the highway

Gravity Bomb
Between two targets
Lies a few poor souls
Ready to be reaped
By a rusty blade

No sense in lying down
The temperature's ready to spike
Now all readings are critical
Ready the iron pike

Open the Doors

Now a tear rips space
Everything around you distorts
First strike is fatal
Says grim reports

In a ray of colors
There's no sanctuary
Rebels cry havoc
Overlords cry glee

Distort the Earth

You have one cause
Don't beat it
You took a chance
Defeated

Dust in the wake
The land lies ahead
Your little cause has failed
And Now you're all dead

There's Nothing Left

Written by Evil Chip on 13.09.2012 at 23:01

V.

The snow whispered from the T.V.

waiting me for the dying instant.

With my electrified fingers

I left.


The frost slipped over my face

scratching my grimy eyes.


I gotta go

registering my eyes and nodding.


And we waited.

we waited


I gotta go
I gotta stay


I waited for me

shaking at the shore

with a hand over my eyes

I saw me

like spectral fragments

over the shit

naming myself.


Answer you

whore


In white spectrum
I waited

In white spectrum
I held it


The screen turns off

The door knocks

I open

They tune in my body

on the highway

Not bad, is that about electrified death ?

Ok three new ones :


The shepard

Scathered by black winds
ashes of old worlds
across the vaccum full of screams
fall down of hair of kids

Gentle children laughs in joy
playing with deadmans skulls
Fibulas and backbones of the dead
to them are just another toys

They dance and smell flowers
that spruth beneeth the concrete ruins
Skyscrapers turned to dust
Potency crushed to the death

Stranger behold all them at once
From the another time
The transmigrated soul
withnes of some strange days

He now lives the life
That some else dreamed
But there are no rain
and he is hollow for winds

The fangs of time are slow
and he must lead these children
To show them strange paths
And behold them grow up

Sacrifice


i stand stunned and confused
in front of the mirrors
i scan the horizons that spread
in infinity of her eyes

her wet snake tounge rolls
and i fell her soft scarlet skin
i am in her arms and nails sharp
this "dream" opens so many paths

i stand pleased and overwhelmed
upon this shrine of perfection
i scan the beuty and desolation
beneeth her powerfull charms

her fangs pierce my neck veins
the black blood runs from her to me
the energy of symbols i inhaled
are now in her will and disposal

i now exist only to serve
and to die under her hand
i am eager for her to use me
and for her to return from dead

i now exist only to fight
and to bring crowns of glory
i am eager to be the one
who bring death on her command

and also a rock friend of mine asked me to write something for his band:

Lost Again

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why i walk among the clouds
not even than you would see as i see
why is earth far from etnernety

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why everything i touch turns to dust
not even than you would see as i see
why golden walls of heaven are so away

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why roses must whither away
not even than you would see as i see
why everything is cloaked in dark

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why i seem so lost and damn
not even than you would see as i see
why i can only stand and scream

Written by ANGEL REAPER on 01.10.2012 at 11:26

Ok three new ones :

Pretty good one, I will re read it at day light
I like it , keep on writing no metter what other says but last one, its more song IMO

Mercury skies
under the three suns
cremathorium for life
inferno,capital of death

this is no place for mortals
only for children of flame
atmosphere of boiling led
mounthains of fire everywhere

pilars of fire
devours the skies alive
this realm is denied
of shadow of hades

this is no place for life
only dungeons for the damned
grounds of molten lava
this is where gods die in pain

Written by Bad English on 03.10.2012 at 02:23

Written by ANGEL REAPER on 01.10.2012 at 11:26

Ok three new ones :

Pretty good one, I will re read it at day light
I like it , keep on writing no metter what other says but last one, its more song IMO

yeah last one is a really a song ... its like i said a rock friend of mine started a band and he heeded some good texts for his songs...i offered him this...
though,when i stop for a sec to think about this vast majority of my writings are actually song ready stuff not literature poetry...

Ok this is the first time I've ever posted any of my poems on th internet, but why the fuck not .. here it is .. oh for those of you who know their poetry theory .. it's an iambic hexameter .. then again if you know your poetry theory would have probably figured that out on their own

The Ashes of my Soul



The pending end of all my hopes is creeping nigh.

I free my mind from what I wanted in my life,
And dive into the pool of my own misery
To see the burnt and shattered remnants of my strife.
A knife inside my heart is slowly killing me.


The visions of a dying dream intensify.

As I sink deep into this endless sea of flames,
The frames that held my soul, they burst and my
Cold cry pours out the vapours of my burning shame.
My aim for happiness just seems to be a lie.


Then myriads of glowing sparks errupt into the sky!

The wholeness of this fire pumping through each vein
Is painting pictures of the dying ember of a coal,
Is molding forms of rotten roses in my brain
And painful mem'ries blow away the ashes of my soul

Written by axelx666 on 02.08.2012 at 10:01

(been awhile since i contributed, so here's one)

FIGHTING SOLDIER:

alone dark and quiet
nonchalent ambience surrounds me,
i am worn
i feel torn
i am young
i feel old
i walk this path not alone
my shadow beside me


in the valley of death i stand
i embrace it's hold on me
i don't let go
i can't see
i can't hear
i feel numb
i start to shiver
i look down my crosshair
i can't tell who is who
or if the war is though

i start to run
i don't stop
my heart racing
something passes though me
i collapse on the ground i walk
i crawl to the sight of a shadow
it beckons me near
suddenly i can hear
it says "come now, it's over"

i take it's hand
knowing it's my last dance
it laughs deviously
and im pulled below
into the unknown.



(feedback is welcome thx )

Nonchalent, now that's a new word. I'll have to look it up. It sounds pretty cool though.

The poem, overall, seems pretty grim, though it occurs to me (just my humble opinion) that you could add in some philosophical questioning or personal thought processes to give it a bit more punch.
Nonetheless, this is a very good description of what this soldier went through and does indeed have some good emotional content. The soldier seems a bit disoriented to me, which is pretty excellent stuff, because it happens a lot on the battlefield. And the complete self-absorption, tuning out everything but the immediate sensations (or lack of them). My favorite lines were: "I walk this path not alone. My shadow beside me." That is just epic imo I also like the description of the bullet: "Something passes through me." It leaves just a bit of mystery for a moment and reiterates that he is completely numb and senseless, but he notes something happened, though his confusion is too strong to pinpoint what it was. Good job overall. :thumbup:
-------

Well it's been a long while since I was active here, though I would check in once in a while for messages and updates. It's been a crazy time for me, with separating from my husband to job changes to health issues. One long emotional road and I've been working myself to death. I miss my creative self and time spent late at night listening to music and writing/reading. It's good to see that a few of you still comment on other people's poems. That's important. I hope to be on here more often but I still have an issue with lack of time, so I may not be able to be on for more than short spurts. I just wish I could hit the reset button on my life and do it the way I want, on my own terms, but it's hard living life when you're perpetually exhausted and stressed to the max. I'm on vacation this week with nowhere to go, so I'll try to review a few poems here, whatever I can manage. If anyone has anything in particular they want me to review, just message me with a link to their poem and I'll make it a point to do it, even if it takes a few days to get back to you. I'm hoping I can make it a regular habit to stop by though and spend a little time doing what I enjoy. I just may not be able to do the amount I want. We'll see how it goes. For now, though, it's good to be back. Hope to see you all again soon.

~Raging Dreamer~

Written by Guest on 05.08.2012 at 03:35

The Glory of Gold, The Ocean of Blood And The Taste of Sea Salt

In the yellow dawn of July,
he came down to the Tortuga coast
The legends and myths of the Pirate Age
Ran through his dreams

The Treasure of the once great Pirate King
Did weave a magnificent fable
Once he had been hung for his crimes
His treasure was open for grabs, so they set sail

A treacherous journey awaited them
But fortune favors the bold
Each had a different goal
Gold, adventure, his own legend to be heard

As they sailed through the storm
Holding their own against the angry sea
Many lives were lost
To be avenged in the name of glory

Abandon all hope
Ye who enter here
Your blood's the price
The devil will come to collect

With his flintlock pistol to the side
And his cutlass held up high
He turn to his men and cried
"To the north!"

The crushing waters wash away life
Wood smashed into splinter
They found his body
drifting with the tides pale as snow

Perhaps another will come to claim
The gold for his own merit
Perhaps one day another
will become King of the Pirates

ARRRRRRRR!!! A swashbucking tale, though I would have personally made it longer, into an epic poem with vast amounts of detail, since this is so worthy of such a feat. Great stuff! I like! I should try writing one of my own pirate's tales. Such a fascinating topic, especially when you dig into legends like Captain Kidd and Blackbeard the Pirate. There were even female pirates of legends old and forgotten. Keep up the good work!

Written by Bad English on 06.08.2012 at 17:27

Written by Torelli on 01.08.2012 at 18:01



Forgot to answer. yes, im back as you may have notice But i think it will only be temporary, MS is a summer distraction for me. But i guess i will pop up any random year or so.



Back to the thread. Has any of you gone through your old works and relized that the old stuff you wrote before descripes your current life and events so much better than it did when it was written? As if you have grown into the poem or something?

Never realy thought about it time to time I read and words sound great how in those days , sometimes I dont remeber idea but its good , well its mystery

Love is Blind


Love is blind in room full whit stars
who sines only when moonshine pump the angines
Love is blind in the world where junkey can not pay the bill
In this fancy restraunt where dead souls thiks thay have future
Love is blind in space full whit souls
Who's alive but hopeing to die
Love is blind in this walls full whit boys n girls
When they starts at pink walls and try to see their future is painted blue
Love is blind in this gypsie saloon
where whitches telling future, you know its lies, but still belive
Love is blind in place where million dollar man
Promises he will help the poor every day n night
Love is blind in this windows
Where love once was alive


Epoch Of Unlight



I can not find a peace from torments
Whyle romimg around, daydreaming
Im in mysanthropfy, I can not brake out
Empty breath and my lungs is screaming
Nevermore, neverland and much much more
In place where I shall go so soon
'cause my life is Epoch Of Unlight

@ torelli, I haven't ever really thought about it either, but they do seem to concur from time to time, I have noted.

@bad english, The first poem I absolutely loved. It has sooooo much in it really, and if you were to try to publish a poem, this one would be the one to publish, although please contact me if you do so I can tweak the English for you. I'd be more than happy to. There is so much fact and emotion hidden within these lines. It's a masterpiece. I loved every word!!! FANTASTIC job!!!

The 2nd one was not so strong but I do see the musical influences here. My favorite line was "Nevermore, Neverland, and much much more."

Keep up the good writing!

Cheers!

~Raging Dreamer~

Written by Bad English on 11.09.2012 at 18:57

Behind cathedral walls

Behind cathedral walls
Im hiding from my self
when talking whit my imaginary friends

Behind cathedral walls
I try to understand
Find the way to open my self to others

Behind cathedral walls
Im listening how wind whispers
In rainy autumn night

Behind cathedral walls
I dont need to ansver
why there is eternal sorrow in my eyes

Behind cathedral walls
I made my dessition
To do what I have to do

Behind cathedral walls
Im rejecting my fears
of broken covenant's spell

Behind cathedral walls
Im dying inside
I dont need to explain anybody why

This one really could be a song, and should be. There's a good bit of emotion and the pattern is top notch. There's almost even a rhythm going here. Great structure. If you should ever give it to someone for lyrics, again, let me do a little tweaking and you're good to go. Great Writing! I love it!

Written by Evil Chip on 13.09.2012 at 23:01

V.

The snow whispered from the T.V.

waiting me for the dying instant.

With my electrified fingers

I left.


The frost slipped over my face

scratching my grimy eyes.


I gotta go

registering my eyes and nodding.


And we waited.

we waited


I gotta go
I gotta stay


I waited for me

shaking at the shore

with a hand over my eyes

I saw me

like spectral fragments

over the shit

naming myself.


Answer you

whore


In white spectrum
I waited

In white spectrum
I held it


The screen turns off

The door knocks

I open

They tune in my body

on the highway

This is so very very interesting and I didn't understand it at all until the very end. And then when it all came together I was like "BRILLIANT!" Something that didn't make sense and then suddenly the whole story comes together in the last 2 lines. Positively brilliant! Favorite line : "In white spectrum" Unexpectedly great poem! Awesome job! You've got some talent there! You should write a short story from the eyes of a madman. I bet you'd be great at it!

~Raging Dreamer~

Written by Guest on 14.09.2012 at 03:56

Gravity Bomb
Between two targets
Lies a few poor souls
Ready to be reaped
By a rusty blade

No sense in lying down
The temperature's ready to spike
Now all readings are critical
Ready the iron pike

Open the Doors

Now a tear rips space
Everything around you distorts
First strike is fatal
Says grim reports

In a ray of colors
There's no sanctuary
Rebels cry havoc
Overlords cry glee

Distort the Earth

You have one cause
Don't beat it
You took a chance
Defeated

Dust in the wake
The land lies ahead
Your little cause has failed
And Now you're all dead

There's Nothing Left

I don't quite know why, maybe it's the rhythm and rhyme.... but it seems like lyrics to me. Something death or thrash or similar style. I can just hear it in my mind. Good stuff!

~Raging Dreamer~

Written by Raging Dreamer on 16.10.2012 at 06:18


Well it's been a long while since I was active here, though I would check in once in a while for messages and updates. It's been a crazy time for me, with separating from my husband to job changes to health issues. One long emotional road and I've been working myself to death. I miss my creative self and time spent late at night listening to music and writing/reading. It's good to see that a few of you still comment on other people's poems. That's important. I hope to be on here more often but I still have an issue with lack of time, so I may not be able to be on for more than short spurts. I just wish I could hit the reset button on my life and do it the way I want, on my own terms, but it's hard living life when you're perpetually exhausted and stressed to the max. I'm on vacation this week with nowhere to go, so I'll try to review a few poems here, whatever I can manage. If anyone has anything in particular they want me to review, just message me with a link to their poem and I'll make it a point to do it, even if it takes a few days to get back to you. I'm hoping I can make it a regular habit to stop by though and spend a little time doing what I enjoy. I just may not be able to do the amount I want. We'll see how it goes. For now, though, it's good to be back. Hope to see you all again soon.

~Raging Dreamer~

Seems like you have had a bumpy road, life allways seem to catch up somehow. well, hope things for you are changing for the better now atleast! I remember when we were a few who commented on each other, how each of us had a different interpretation of the same poem. It seems like a few words and letters can have a thusand meanings. I guess it is the beauty of poetry.



I found myself more intressed to read and discuss poems now, professional and non-professional alike. Should one open a new thread for that, or is it something one can discuss in this thread?

Written by Torelli on 21.10.2012 at 00:11



I found myself more intressed to read and discuss poems now, professional and non-professional alike. Should one open a new thread for that, or is it something one can discuss in this thread?

You and she was one of rare analsier of poems in old tread there was alsoe stonian girl whit short hair ... cant remeber her name
and seems yes we can discuss poems here

Written by Torelli on 21.10.2012 at 00:11

Written by Raging Dreamer on 16.10.2012 at 06:18


Well it's been a long while since I was active here, though I would check in once in a while for messages and updates. It's been a crazy time for me, with separating from my husband to job changes to health issues. One long emotional road and I've been working myself to death. I miss my creative self and time spent late at night listening to music and writing/reading. It's good to see that a few of you still comment on other people's poems. That's important. I hope to be on here more often but I still have an issue with lack of time, so I may not be able to be on for more than short spurts. I just wish I could hit the reset button on my life and do it the way I want, on my own terms, but it's hard living life when you're perpetually exhausted and stressed to the max. I'm on vacation this week with nowhere to go, so I'll try to review a few poems here, whatever I can manage. If anyone has anything in particular they want me to review, just message me with a link to their poem and I'll make it a point to do it, even if it takes a few days to get back to you. I'm hoping I can make it a regular habit to stop by though and spend a little time doing what I enjoy. I just may not be able to do the amount I want. We'll see how it goes. For now, though, it's good to be back. Hope to see you all again soon.

~Raging Dreamer~

Seems like you have had a bumpy road, life allways seem to catch up somehow. well, hope things for you are changing for the better now atleast! I remember when we were a few who commented on each other, how each of us had a different interpretation of the same poem. It seems like a few words and letters can have a thusand meanings. I guess it is the beauty of poetry.



I found myself more intressed to read and discuss poems now, professional and non-professional alike. Should one open a new thread for that, or is it something one can discuss in this thread?

Well it seems that the original idea was to post and comment on each other's poems, though if no one else has a problem with it, I don't mind it being done here. Maybe you could ask someone in admin. If we started doing professional poems here, though, our own poems might get lost in the mix. Might be better to do a separate thread. What do you think?

Written by ANGEL REAPER on 01.10.2012 at 11:26

Ok three new ones :


The shepard

Scathered by black winds
ashes of old worlds
across the vaccum full of screams
fall down of hair of kids

Gentle children laughs in joy
playing with deadmans skulls
Fibulas and backbones of the dead
to them are just another toys

They dance and smell flowers
that spruth beneeth the concrete ruins
Skyscrapers turned to dust
Potency crushed to the death

Stranger behold all them at once
From the another time
The transmigrated soul
withnes of some strange days

He now lives the life
That some else dreamed
But there are no rain
and he is hollow for winds

The fangs of time are slow
and he must lead these children
To show them strange paths
And behold them grow up

Sacrifice


i stand stunned and confused
in front of the mirrors
i scan the horizons that spread
in infinity of her eyes

her wet snake tounge rolls
and i fell her soft scarlet skin
i am in her arms and nails sharp
this "dream" opens so many paths

i stand pleased and overwhelmed
upon this shrine of perfection
i scan the beuty and desolation
beneeth her powerfull charms

her fangs pierce my neck veins
the black blood runs from her to me
the energy of symbols i inhaled
are now in her will and disposal

i now exist only to serve
and to die under her hand
i am eager for her to use me
and for her to return from dead

i now exist only to fight
and to bring crowns of glory
i am eager to be the one
who bring death on her command

and also a rock friend of mine asked me to write something for his band:

Lost Again

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why i walk among the clouds
not even than you would see as i see
why is earth far from etnernety

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why everything i touch turns to dust
not even than you would see as i see
why golden walls of heaven are so away

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why roses must whither away
not even than you would see as i see
why everything is cloaked in dark

not even if my blood is yours blood
not even if my dream is yours dream
not even if you see what i see
not even if you feel what i feel

not even than you would understand
why i seem so lost and damn
not even than you would see as i see
why i can only stand and scream

The Shepard - This one I found very hard to follow due to the English translation. I did like the idea and visuals I read, though. Children playing with skulls, a civilization in ruins. Very good concept with some excellent descriptions.

Sacrifice - This one was very sensual and I quite enjoyed reading it in my current mindset. Very good on the emotions as well. It left me craving more.

Lost Again - This is some excellent lyrical writing. It needs a little cleaning up with the language, but aside from that, it is very deep and meaningful, with a few scatters of visuals. Great stuff! I hope your friend liked the song enough to put it into music. That would be the utmost honor for any writer to have.

Well I'm no longer on vacation and am still dealing with some health issues, as well as emotional ones. So far, lab results are negative on everything, but maybe we'll find out what's going on soon. Wish me luck. In the meantime, I'll try to come in when I can and do some more reviews. I've noticed no one much is posting poetry, but I hope it's not because no one is writing. I'm still posting my older poems on my blog, so if you want, do pop by. My other blog is mostly funny thoughts I've had, so if you're not in the mood for poetry but want a good chuckle now and then, feel free to visit. The links are at the bottom of my posts. '

As a side note, I'm trying to get my best friend's band some votes on this site (under band suggestions) so hopefully they can get added. Then band name is Thrashless so do check them out and vote if you like them.

I'm going to take another pain pill and head off for the night. I'll try to come back in tomorrow night and comment/review at least one poem. If there are no new posts in the next week or so, I'll just go back through the pages and pick a random poem to review after I'm done with this page. Hopefully it will be from someone who is still an active member. Maybe I should check and see before reviewing. Hmmm...

As always, if anyone has a poem they would like for me to review in depth, please contact me via PM and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible. Keep up the good work, guys!

~Raging Dreamer~

Why must I dream a dreary night, so cold.
Why, what have I done? I no longer hide.
Fall asleep behind broken glass so old.
A man no more, my dreams destroyed no pride.

A blustery, winter night I see the Cold and care,
The Lies and that that which, were spewed from you.
Never before, no hope nor care, solar flare.
I will never hide what I cannot do.

My world is cold, my mind is bleak.
Darkness prevails, uncombfortably.
My body is numb, for I cannot speak
My mind seems to wander, it cannot see.

I am left alone, this world of awe
Trapped between the ice, I wait for the thaw.

Hallway Wanderer

There use to be child into me
who died long long time ago
There use to be child in all of us
and they died same like I
but their spirit lives on
in adult humen mind and flesh
there use to be me
who died long long time ago
I know, I know my self
I know that I am a hallway wanderer

I remeber her face
I saw once her in darkened corner
but never hade a curige to talk
I dont know her name
I just remeber her pretty hair
walked true my spirit in those hallways
I have no curige, to ask her to one dance
before I fade away
and now Im a hallway wanderer

Nobodys in, only me and million perosnalities who live into me
Nobody can see inside my soul, open and see, only mudy black windown
Nobody can open it and wash the dirt
Nobody can not know how I feel , how many nooses I have made into my head
Only I know that I am hallway wanderer

I dont want to be waken up
in dreams you cant taste your tears
i dont want to be sobered up
i like to live in my world of fantasy

i dont need waking up pill
no phone call to get me out
this world only i control
i want to stay in prison of dreams

i live in emptiness and
no one there knows my name
i play with voices and
no one cries there for me

here i am free...