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Poetry



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Original post

Posted by Soliloquy, 17.05.2006 - 03:24
since MS started all overagain, i decidied to get rid of the numbers. but i believe this should have been the 5th poetry thread.

anyways, you guys know the rules. post somethig you wrote, or a friend of yours wrote. or if you dont want to post some poem, you can always read others work and comment on that. unlike the last poetry thread, lets try to comment on every poem we get in.

(if you want me to add or remove something, just PM me, and i'll edit it right away.)
21.09.2013 - 12:25
Bad English
Tage Westerlund
Lies

Lies are not a sin, lies are needs to survive, we lie, to survive from punishment, we lie to survive, lies definitely are not a sin, there are no such therm sin, since good can be evil, and evil be good, depends from what point we are looking at, sin is fiction what was made to control, if you feel wrong inside you're guilty and understand it, but never show it to others, because life is crystal mascarade all we do are is lying, lying to survive, once you accept death and know you gonna die, it makes you above others, - government, society and politicians, it makes you stand closer to the gods, so dont eb afraid to lie to your parents, government, police, wife whatsoever , ite not a crime, not a sin , its surviving instinct
----
Life is to short for LOVE, there is many great things to do online !!!

Stormtroopers of Death - ''Speak English or Die''
apos;'
[image]
I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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27.09.2013 - 02:28
Bad English
Tage Westerlund
As virtual efects are closing in
and brainwashed zombies walk among whit human remains
and 22th entury digital efects are real
and there left nobody to fuck
and nobody can suck a dick to
so Johney stick hsi dick to
22 th centuryt digital whore
and in the end it was like fucking the air
No efectnes at all, just a money wasted
But what he can do, thet brainwashed fools
are preaching, you need to fuck, you need to fuck
----
Life is to short for LOVE, there is many great things to do online !!!

Stormtroopers of Death - ''Speak English or Die''
apos;'
[image]
I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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03.10.2013 - 03:42
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
I don't want to sound harsh, yet I do... Why do people post such atrociously bad poems in here?

This thread proves properly good poems are the hardest things to write.
----
Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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03.10.2013 - 06:27
angel.
Evil Butterfly
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.10.2013 at 03:42


This thread proves properly good poems are the hardest things to write.


No it doesn't,you haven't read mine yet
----
The Fangirl.
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03.10.2013 - 12:24
ANGEL REAPER

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.10.2013 at 03:42

I don't want to sound harsh, yet I do... Why do people post such atrociously bad poems in here?

This thread proves properly good poems are the hardest things to write.

then you havent read my stuff yet!
----
"Cross is only an iron,hope is just an illusion,freedom is nothing but a name..."
"Build your walls of the dead stone...Build your roofs of a dead wood..Build your dreams of a dead thoughts"
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12.10.2013 - 04:42
Sophist

Nepenthe

Too much pride for a word,
Not enough to ignore,
It will be a long night.

Too many questions,
Not enough answers,
A glass is perfect.

Too many minutes,
Not enough moments,
Nurturing vice.

Deconstruction insufficient,
Poetry is poison,
Balm is found in a myth.
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04.11.2013 - 11:13
Monolithic
♠♠♠
Let me see what I can come up with:

Misunderstanding is a sin,
When the eyes are not empty,
But to the victim, it's a blessing,
To hide the shame of self-pity.

Wondering what reality looked like,
If we were simple beings of sand,
Gone into the past in a flash,
Reaching out for a hand.

It's the exodus for the enslaved,
To escape into the light,
Into an illusive dream,
A glimpse upon the plight.
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04.11.2013 - 15:28
angel.
Evil Butterfly
One important part of poems is imagery, good use of languages to make images and to make music within words, another part of a good poem is to be witty, so say without saying, totally I mean it should make you feel enjoying it while reading it, you enjoy that much that you want to repeat it again in your mind unconsciously. I read rare poems like this here :/
----
The Fangirl.
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04.11.2013 - 23:34
Lit.
Account deleted
Written by angel. on 04.11.2013 at 15:28

One important part of poems is imagery, good use of languages to make images,


True.

Written by angel. on 04.11.2013 at 15:28

And to make music within words. Another part of a good poem is to be witty, so say without saying, totally I mean it should make you feel enjoying it while reading it, you enjoy that much that you want to repeat it again in your mind unconsciously. I read rare poems like this here :/


Not even remotely true.

You're reading poetry on a website about metal music. It'd be incredibly foolish to expect constantly cheery poems here. Poems don't need wit and they don't need to be uplifting; they need to, as you said, paint an image and they need to express feelings.
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05.11.2013 - 00:29
ANGEL REAPER

Like i give a shit about stuff i write ....
----
"Cross is only an iron,hope is just an illusion,freedom is nothing but a name..."
"Build your walls of the dead stone...Build your roofs of a dead wood..Build your dreams of a dead thoughts"
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05.11.2013 - 03:11
angel.
Evil Butterfly
Written by Guest on 04.11.2013 at 23:34

It'd be incredibly foolish to expect constantly cheery poems here. Poems don't need wit and they don't need to be uplifting; they need to, as you said, paint an image and they need to express feelings.


By wit I meant being successful in arousing feelings and thoughts, like giving the reader a surprise or pushing the reader's attention to something.
----
The Fangirl.
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05.11.2013 - 03:11
angel.
Evil Butterfly
Written by ANGEL REAPER on 05.11.2013 at 00:29

Like i give a shit about stuff i write ....


why not
----
The Fangirl.
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05.11.2013 - 03:15
Lit.
Account deleted
Written by angel. on 05.11.2013 at 03:11

By wit I meant being successful in arousing feelings and thoughts, like giving the reader a surprise or pushing the reader's attention to something.

Again, not true. Poems don't have to invoke feelings; they can just entertain. If they manage to invoke feelings, then good for them. I personally don't care for poems that do that, then again I don't think I've even read a poem that's strong enough to do that. If I wanted to feel sadness, anger, etc., then I'd write my own poems. It's a vicious cycle.

But I rarely write poems to express my feelings. Those are just no fun to write.
That's why I write poems, because it's fun.
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05.11.2013 - 03:22
angel.
Evil Butterfly
Written by Guest on 05.11.2013 at 03:15

Again, not true. Poems don't have to invoke feelings; they can just entertain. If they manage to invoke feelings, then good for them. I personally don't care for poems that do that, then again I don't think I've even read a poem that's strong enough to do that. If I wanted to feel sadness, anger, etc., then I'd write my own poems. It's a vicious cycle.

But I rarely write poems to express my feelings. Those are just no fun to write.
That's why I write poems, because it's fun.

oh wow, a completely different point of view toward poetry, I read so many defamiliarizing stuffs on MS
----
The Fangirl.
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05.11.2013 - 09:29
ANGEL REAPER

Written by angel. on 05.11.2013 at 03:11

Written by ANGEL REAPER on 05.11.2013 at 00:29

Like i give a shit about stuff i write ....


why not

never cared for that ability ...to write stuff ....nor for poetry as mater of fact
----
"Cross is only an iron,hope is just an illusion,freedom is nothing but a name..."
"Build your walls of the dead stone...Build your roofs of a dead wood..Build your dreams of a dead thoughts"
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05.11.2013 - 09:33
angel.
Evil Butterfly
Written by ANGEL REAPER on 05.11.2013 at 09:29


never cared for that ability ...to write stuff ....nor for poetry as mater of fact

but you had some quite good stuffs in previous pages
----
The Fangirl.
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05.11.2013 - 09:53
ANGEL REAPER

Written by angel. on 05.11.2013 at 09:33

Written by ANGEL REAPER on 05.11.2013 at 09:29


never cared for that ability ...to write stuff ....nor for poetry as mater of fact

but you had some quite good stuffs in previous pages

im a man of paradoxes
----
"Cross is only an iron,hope is just an illusion,freedom is nothing but a name..."
"Build your walls of the dead stone...Build your roofs of a dead wood..Build your dreams of a dead thoughts"
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05.11.2013 - 16:08
angel.
Evil Butterfly
Written by ANGEL REAPER on 05.11.2013 at 09:53

im a man of paradoxes

say hello to woman of paradoxes
----
The Fangirl.
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10.11.2013 - 13:11
IronAngel

Nice psychological defense from Reaper. You don't really have to put yourself out there, open to criticism, if you can just fall back on "I don't really care anyway."

As for wit, I do think the best poems are clever. Not necessarily witty in he amusing sense, but good ideas. The topic can be somber, ecstatic or entirely banal. Conventional imagery and trite phrases are rarely good poetry if there's no new interpretation, unexpected twist or clever juxtaposition. But that's just me, I guess; I enjoy word-play and witticisms.
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10.11.2013 - 17:56
angel.
Evil Butterfly
I'd like to post one of my stuffs, I don't know if it's really considered poetry or nope, you tell me what is it, because I always have no idea where the hell those ryhmes or words are coming from, they just rush to my mind and I write them down, I mean I never sit down to write something intentionally, or maybe I did it rarely and the outcome was terrible for me, I always need inspirations otherwise I can't write at all, for me poetry is a way to express inner world and experiences within a crossover of music and words, blended with images and some messages. Please read and give me your thoughts on it, I may not post more of my writings here, but if anyone was really interested I can PM. And obviously I have all the rights of this, let me know if you wanted to use it, without my permission you are not allowed to use it anywhere else.

Untitled 25th:

They say rest in peace
but if the ghosts should go on living
that wouldn't be peace

_I hope the ever life after death never exist_

I need to sleep in an endless night
Thus I forget all my dead dreams
I desire to fall in that abyss
I may forget all that meant to exist...
----
The Fangirl.
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11.11.2013 - 21:47
ANGEL REAPER

Die
Death
Dead
Dead Inside
Deadly
Desire
Death
Only death
Pain has gone
It's dream time
To sleep in cold embrace
Mother earth greets her child
Welcome home,here its time to stay
Life you spent alone now has gone
Wind is not cold,rain is no more
Snow is dirt,frost is light
Goodbye...
----
"Cross is only an iron,hope is just an illusion,freedom is nothing but a name..."
"Build your walls of the dead stone...Build your roofs of a dead wood..Build your dreams of a dead thoughts"
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12.11.2013 - 01:42
Karlabos
Meat and Potatos
I can hear
Their wispy sweet breathing of the unease
Their hazy sweeter pledging of decease
Their scrappy clattering of development
Crooning to their noise of disembowelment

I can feel
The blazing atmosphere of their despair
The shining wicked glare of death stare
The sultry mist of hate of the restless
Digging me a vast hollow pit of nothingness

I can see
Wondrous damask blots of bloodshed
Tremendous pattern spots that once bled
Fools to face and stand the sieving
Fighting to embrace the land of the living

Among the wretches, I raise
Refreshing, their shivering hoots of pain
Enthralling, their unending chase for gain
Why couldn't I rephrase my scorn claim
"How good it is to be reborn again"

Yep, I like rhymes =P
----
"Aah! The cat turned into a cat!"
- Reimu Hakurei
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12.11.2013 - 21:02
Monolithic
♠♠♠
I was a dreamer swept away by the ocean of obsession,
As hope uttered one last wail to regain possession,

The world is neither bigger nor smaller for strangers of my kin,
But the vision of peaceful co-existence is wearing thin.
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27.11.2013 - 17:00
SolracV

Here is one I've made some time ago:

"Tattered Bottle On Seas Of Broken Promises"

I take your words and put them in this wooden box
where lies all lies and hopes like timeless clocks.
Every splinter digs through my flesh and bones.
Shown, the feelings of a broken love, never fully born.
Under scornful lullabies and pleasant suffering,
I venture inside the lies; no winds, shattered wings.
With flag in hands and heavy scented wine,
I preach my convictions on your land so divine.
But the cannons... Oh, sweet cannons of hypocrisy!
Shooting on every damn direction the eye can see!
Not only you're scarring this warior of a man,
you are damaging your very own precious land!
So tell me, tell me how does it feel to know
the consequences of destroying a bond that clearly showed
trust, passion, comfort and all things deeply desired
and just simply letting pure love go to waste... go to waste.
Yet, here I am, the fool singing his own foolsong
drowning in sorrow I've dearly come to know.
I'm just a tattered bottle, nothing more, nothing less,
drifting on endless seas of broken promises.
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02.12.2013 - 03:56
FOOCK Nam

Written by SolracV on 27.11.2013 at 17:00

Here is one I've made some time ago:

"Tattered Bottle On Seas Of Broken Promises"

I take your words and put them in this wooden box
where lies all lies and hopes like timeless clocks.
Every splinter digs through my flesh and bones.
Shown, the feelings of a broken love, never fully born.
Under scornful lullabies and pleasant suffering,
I venture inside the lies; no winds, shattered wings.
With flag in hands and heavy scented wine,
I preach my convictions on your land so divine.
But the cannons... Oh, sweet cannons of hypocrisy!
Shooting on every damn direction the eye can see!
Not only you're scarring this warior of a man,
you are damaging your very own precious land!
So tell me, tell me how does it feel to know
the consequences of destroying a bond that clearly showed
trust, passion, comfort and all things deeply desired
and just simply letting pure love go to waste... go to waste.
Yet, here I am, the fool singing his own foolsong
drowning in sorrow I've dearly come to know.
I'm just a tattered bottle, nothing more, nothing less,
drifting on endless seas of broken promises.

Very well structure and rhythm.nice work
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02.12.2013 - 04:00
FOOCK Nam

Written by ANGEL REAPER on 11.11.2013 at 21:47

Die
Death
Dead
Dead Inside
Deadly
Desire
Death
Only death
Pain has gone
It's dream time
To sleep in cold embrace
Mother earth greets her child
Welcome home,here its time to stay
Life you spent alone now has gone
Wind is not cold,rain is no more
Snow is dirt,frost is light
Goodbye...

The first 7 single words sentences is like rap,.. I feel so, somehow awkward too but just me personally, the rest till the end are so good..quite solid.
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02.12.2013 - 18:37
Sophist

I guess the name for this one is nostalgia

While drinking the glass the only taste
is in the memory of the previous one,
perhaps I've never enjoyed the first.
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06.12.2013 - 02:23
Karlabos
Meat and Potatos
I want to get my axe and go to the woods to act like a troll but mommy won't let me

Melancholy and grimness take over the blue northern skies
But not everything is rosy on the life of the misanthrope
It's not always that the grim black metaller succeeds when he tries
To set fire on the local church or to blaspheme against the pope.

A true warrior carries his face paint everywhere, including school
today on the break, a guy knocked me and left me to feel the pain
Yeah, my colleagues like to mock me, but screw it! None of them are tr00.
I laid on infirmary, hearing only the sound of the rain

I came home, knowing I'd had to work, under the haunting cold breeze
My heart was pumping hatred, my black and white face was full of gloom
I thought: "Why don't I skip work, grab the axe of gods and bash some trees?"
I went downstairs and asked mom, she replied: No way, go to your room!

Now I gotta go back to bedroom, get the gel, take out my wig,
try to straighten my short hair, while hearing Panzerfaust, full of bore,
remove my beloved corpse paint which makes me feel I'm something big,
and earn some more money, as a kind cashier on the local store.
----
"Aah! The cat turned into a cat!"
- Reimu Hakurei
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06.12.2013 - 03:16
FOOCK Nam

Written by Karlabos on 06.12.2013 at 02:23

I want to get my axe and go to the woods to act like a troll but mommy won't let me

Melancholy and grimness take over the blue northern skies
But not everything is rosy on the life of the misanthrope
It's not always that the grim black metaller succeeds when he tries
To set fire on the local church or to blaspheme against the pope.

A true warrior carries his face paint everywhere, including school
today on the break, a guy knocked me and left me to feel the pain
Yeah, my colleagues like to mock me, but screw it! None of them are tr00.
I laid on infirmary, hearing only the sound of the rain

I came home, knowing I'd had to work, under the haunting cold breeze
My heart was pumping hatred, my black and white face was full of gloom
I thought: "Why don't I skip work, grab the axe of gods and bash some trees?"
I went downstairs and asked mom, she replied: No way, go to your room!

Now I gotta go back to bedroom, get the gel, take out my wig,
try to straighten my short hair, while hearing Panzerfaust, full of bore,
remove my beloved corpse paint which makes me feel I'm something big,
and earn some more money, as a kind cashier on the local store.

Haha cool stuff, im no poetry expert but i like it sounds.
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22.12.2013 - 02:23
Karlabos
Meat and Potatos
----
"Aah! The cat turned into a cat!"
- Reimu Hakurei
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