Striborg - Ghostwoodlands review
| Band: | Striborg |
| Album: | Ghostwoodlands |
| Style: | Ambient black metal |
| Release date: | June 2007 |
01. Bete Noirs
02. Wandering The Wilderness Of Eternal Misery
03. Light Anomalies In The Phantom Woods
04. With Animosity I Bequeath Thee
05. Sinister Scraping Of The Spectres
06. Ghostwoodlands
07. Descending Into Utter Despair
I can't believe I've made it to the end of this useless piece of rotten excrement. If I hadn't already heard the name of this one-man-band, I could have thought this is a parody, but unfortunately it is not. It wouldn't have been very funny anyway. And yet, as I am finding myself increasingly enjoying black metal (and especially the rawest one) every day, I thought this could do something for me. Well, it doesn't. Actually this may very well be one of the most ridiculous pieces of metal - no, of music - I've ever heard. Ok, I'm not being very fair here. I don't know whether this is good or not. HOW COULD I KNOW IF THIS IS ANY GOOD WHEN I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING?
I understand the necessity of having a raw production when it serves an artistic purpose. I mean, Lightning Bolt or Darkthrone wouldn't be the same with a crystal clear sound, now would they? But this? This is simply too much. Or not enough. This is even less professional than a live rehearsal recorded on a first generation mobile phone. The hiss you hear in the background is the guitar. Yes, this is noisy, this is annoying, this is painful, this almost made my ears bleed. The vocals? Oh, the vocals. They sound like toilets are flushed in a very deep cave with lots of echo, and then the recording of this sound is forced through some machine that will give it even more echo. It would be laughable if it was not so pathetic. The drums are simply off tempo most of the time, in an "excuse me this is my first drums lesson" kind of way. Only the bass is almost decent - almost.
And now you're gonna tell me: "Collin, you poor dumbass, you don't get it, it's ambient black metal, it's the atmospheres that matter". Yeah I know, but how do you create serious and tripping atmospheres with the keyboard I offered my 4-year old cousin last Christmas? Most interludes only consist of two veeeery looooong notes repeated over and over again. It is not atmospheric, it is stratospherically boring. When I think of it, every song consists of two simplistic riffs repeated over and over again. I found going through the twenty minutes of "Wandering The Wilderness Of Eternal Misery" was ten times as hard as quitting smoking. I assume all this was meant to be some sort of scary horror movie soundtrack, but to me this is the sonic equivalent of an Ed Wood film, if you see what I mean. I see you coming: "Collin, you lame loser, this is art!". Well, nowadays every other dumbass with illusions of grandeur calls himself an artist. A few years ago some Italian guy shat in a box, called it "art", and sold it for millions of dollars. So, excuse me.
I'm not going to waste any more of my time on this pathetic attempt at being grim. The fact that this is released by a serious label (Displeased Records, how could you commit this?) leaves me speechless. I can't believe someone proposes something that shows so much disrespect for the listeners and for the music. Please Mr Sin-Nanna, stop pretending you make music, my toilet brush shows more talent than this turd you're releasing.
PS: I give this? thing (I refuse to call it an album) 2 points for the two grammar mistakes in the first song title - it's "Bête Noire", not "Bete Noirs" - that made me laugh a little.
Rating breakdown
| Performance: | 2 |
| Songwriting: | 2 |
| Originality: | 3 |
| Production: | 2 |
Written by Deadsoulman | 20.09.2007
Comments
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Comments: 47
Visited by: 173 users
| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071  |
Hahahahaha, great review, btw, I for 100% support you on your views of this one
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996 
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| Damnated Churchburner Posts: 4943  |
Although i agree that this band is horrible, i don't get the point of this review. there have been many good black metal releases this year, why not review those? everybody knows that Striborg is a piece of crap, there's no need to hear it again.
---- Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men.  Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01
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| Jeff Freaky Admin Elite Posts: 7078  |
Written by Damnated on 20.09.2007 at 21:39 The labels/bands send their albums to have a review. It's just normal to write these reviews (even if it's bad  )  PS: Damn I read the review and I didn't laugh like that since a lot of time 
---- Come with us to Hellfest 2011!
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| Damnated Churchburner Posts: 4943 |
Written by Jeff on 20.09.2007 at 21:42 oh. how very rood. sending an album like this. 
---- Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men. Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01
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| Jeff Freaky Admin Elite Posts: 7078 |
You know... terrorism is trendy nowadays
---- Come with us to Hellfest 2011!
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071 |
And the scary thing is that there are actually people around who really enjoy this album and the rest of Striborg's music.
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996
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| Deadsoulman Elite Posts: 8004  |
Written by Damnated on 20.09.2007 at 21:44 Lol yeah, believe me, I'd rather review great music. Writing reviews on bad albums can be pretty funny, but the problem is that you have to listen to the whole thing. That's tough 
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| White Winter Sun Laboratory's Rat Elite Posts: 2198  |
@Collin "I don't know whether this is good or not. HOW COULD I KNOW IF THIS IS ANY GOOD WHEN I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING?" @Marcel "And the scary thing is that there are actually people around who really enjoy this album and the rest of Striborg's music." Perhaps ask to Pequod. He rate this "thing" 10.Two solutions: He possess a good auditive acuteness and can help you Collin to hear something or all the subtleties . Or he's a pure fan and it's Marcel which is right. More seriously, it is so ignoble and crappy as that? With all this elements I think don't buy this album and buy the first album. It was better rate .I joke of course.
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| Ilham Cotterell Account deleted |
Ilham Cotterell
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Reminds me of a conversation I had with Nervel. I had exactly the same arguments Collin used in his review. Great review, really  .
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Elite Posts: 13427  |
Written by Guest on 21.09.2007 at 01:00 Haha, now you are putting me in a bad light (don't think it was your intention). I do not like Striborg. Fun for a listen every once in a while, I need some really crappy BM once a month. I'll take Striborg or Enbilulugugal. Both shit. And our argument was about production values.
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what?  "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| Ilham Cotterell Account deleted |
Ilham Cotterell
Account deleted Written by Lucas on 21.09.2007 at 08:51 I just said it reminded me of it . And you know it was not my intention...
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| jupitreas hi-fi / lo-life Staff Posts: 6659  |
hmm seems like something the noise music listener might actually like (some NON tracks are after all also "two veeeery looooong notes repeated over and over again"). of course, there is good noise and bad noise, im curious which one this is...
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| Deadsoulman Elite Posts: 8004 |
Written by jupitreas on 21.09.2007 at 15:13 Errr no, I really don't think so I can stand noisy stuff. I can even stand Merzbow, Wolf Eyes and stuff. But this is just very badly produced ambient black metal. Not meant to be noise. The guy's got a myspace, try it and tell me what you think. I'm curious now.
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Elite Posts: 13427 |
Written by Guest on 21.09.2007 at 20:41 Is it bad? I'm curious to know. By the way, what did you think of their other releases (the projects or their Nihilistik Terror)?
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what? "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| Lupas Maximus Posts: 3070  |
ha ha , i never laughed so much after reading a review. Good one Collin . But it leave me to have a curious to listen to this album Edit : I even laughed more when i saw the band profile pic. But how such pic are featured here and also such bands
---- "For what point has this life if you can't realise your dreams?" -- The Divine Comedy
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| Lucas Mr. Noise Elite Posts: 13427 |
Written by Lupas on 22.09.2007 at 00:01 Well, believe it or not, but they do have a couple of fans in the underground scene.
---- SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what? "The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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| Lupas Maximus Posts: 3070 |
Written by Lucas on 22.09.2007 at 01:21 Yeah but in the abyss scene
---- "For what point has this life if you can't realise your dreams?" -- The Divine Comedy
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| insanity.peppers Posts: 193  |
Why must this band be from Australia? Whyyyyy??  He screams like a freaking cartoon
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| Lupas Maximus Posts: 3070 |
Written by Guest on 22.09.2007 at 19:33 Good for you
---- "For what point has this life if you can't realise your dreams?" -- The Divine Comedy
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| Infurnace Posts: 948  |
Hmm.. I might wanna try this album and see if it is as bad as everyone says haha . I'll post my opinion later on.
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| Deadsoulman Elite Posts: 8004 |
Lol it seems my review has the opposite effect of what I wanted. I wrote this with a view to make it very clear that this is absolute crap and should be avoided at all costs. And now everyone wants to listen to it lol 
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| Marcel Hubregtse Grumpy Old Fuck Elite Posts: 40071 |
Written by Deadsoulman on 23.09.2007 at 18:37 Unfortunately I already heard before you wrote the review or else I WOULD HAVE AVOIDED IT 
---- Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.) 05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996
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| Infurnace Posts: 948 |
Man, this record really, really sucks. I hate the sound of the drums. I wish I would have avoided this band haha.
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| Warman Erotic Stains Posts: 7695  |
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| Damnated Churchburner Posts: 4943 |
Written by Guest on 22.09.2007 at 02:24 Stalaggh requires mood and a certain taste. it's definitely not for everyone. before you listen to them, try to prepare for a physical trauma. then you wont be surprised. Stalaggh is painful. but can be enjoyable. oh, and the vocals are recorded at mental asylums with several retarded people. their stimulation is the music itself.
---- Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men. Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01
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