About the MetalStorm Awards
More brutal, more kvlt, more tr00, and every bit as predictable as the Oscars, each year Metalstorm hosts it's own awards, where we ask you to step up and vote for your favorite albums of the year.
So here are some thoughts, observations and answers for you in regards to everyone's favorite time of the metal year.
To preemptively answer the question that seemingly gets asked 16 times a day starting in mid-October…
"When are the awards?"
They kick off the same time they do every year. Like clockwork. February 1st.
Why February you ask?
Well, dear reader, it is because they are a truly colossal undertaking which, unless you have played a part in the process, cannot hope to fully wrap your head around.
Simply put there are an awful lot of albums released in any given revolution around Sol. We must sift through these and weigh in on what we liked, what we thought was mediocre, and what we'd rather puncture our own eardrums with a rusty ice pick than listen to again… stuff them all into nice little genre packages (not easy when many bands blur lines, invariably you bastards always bitch about why Band A should be Donkeyrape Metal rather than Donkeysodomy Metal or whatnot), and then with all of our distinct tastes, we bribe, fondle, threaten, entice, belittle, badger, and immolate one another until we finally "weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved" awards and come up with a Top 10 for each genre. Or less, in some cases.
Even then, things are not clean, ties (and maybe bones) must be broken.
Finally, once that is complete, we hit the stage in the game where the real work begins. Last year saw 19 different genres represented. Nineteen. The vast majority of which have ten nominations… which, according to my mad math skills, means that there are somewhere around 190,000 write-ups that must be done.
And 190,000 bands which, via hook or crook, must be notified so that they can display their nomination on their web/myspace/facebook/twitter/(whatever the fuck is trendy this week) pages to encourage their fans to show up and vote in support.
Also at this stage, 190,000 separate entries, not to mention the drama, cover songs, video, stuff which falls outside genre specific polls, must then all be dumped into proper web formatting, all album covers inserted, all 4,200,000 links (190,000 home page + 190,000 myspace = 4.2 million) checked for accuracy, etc.
That is a lot of work.
Keep in mind your MS Staff and Eliters lead busy lives - both in their "human" guise, doing such mundane things as going to work, visiting family for the holidays, taking exams, and puking on public transport, as well as in their MetalStorm alter egos, like fighting crime, helping crime, slaying dragons, bedding chicks, bedding dragons, slaying chicks, bedding then slaying hipsterposers, leaving the hall for Manowar shows, conducting interviews, writing reviews, answering emails from MSers who spam each and every staff member as to why we haven't proofed their review within 23 minutes of them hitting the submit button, and our weekly Ice Cream Social in the sacred halls of MetalStorm Towers.
It truly is a labor of love on our part. Heavy on labor, heavy on love.
So hopefully that has helped it sink in a tad what a Herculean undertaking this is each and every year.
The awards will effectively kick off in a couple weeks. Enjoy them. And, please, take advantage of the 190,000 myspace links we plug in. Check out the nominees. You have a fucking month. No need to hurry, awards are not won or lost on day one. Take your time and enjoy the ride.
And for the love of Zarquon, don't be the douchenozzle that blows your wad three minutes after the polls open clicking on your favorite bands then whining when, inevitably, the most popular artists win 90% of the categories… after all, their fans did the same thing you did.
||Written on 13.01.2010 by BitterCOld has been officially reviewing albums for MetalStorm since 2009.|
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