So, you want to write a Guest Review for Metal Storm?


Written by: BitterCOld
Published: 09.05.2009


So you want to write a guest review for MetalStorm?

As one of the staff responsible to proof reviews before they get published, I thought I'd post up some thoughts that would speed up the process so your piece doesn't spend an eternity in the queue awaiting our attention or bouncing around back and forth in a never ending game of editing ping pong.

For starters, before writing your review, please look over the FAQ. Know and understand the FAQ. Live the FAQ. Be the FAQ. If you submit a review without following these guidelines, well, FAQ you.

Additionally, if you are going to take the time to write something up, take the time to do it right.

Spell check it. Re-read it several times before hitting the submit button to make sure the grammar works. Don't use the same word four times in two sentences - use a Thesaurus. If English is not your native language and you are not particularly good at writing in it, use "KISS" sentences, "Keep It Simple, Stupid." In other words, use basic sentence structures. Make sure the format is good as well. We're not going to dictate a specific 1-3-1 paragraph essay format or anything - write it how you want to express yourself - but for the love of Pete (and the staff proofing your review), avoid the dreaded sentagraph, space your paragraphs out, etc.

Be realistic in your ratings. I realize most people are probably reviewing one of their favorite albums, but not every album is a 9.8. Don't be one of "those guys" that submits half a dozen reviews with every single one of them ranked 9 or higher…

Understand that you are not the only MS member who is submitting reviews. Taking the time to do it the right way will help ensure that it gets published the first time up. It will save both your time and that of the staff who proof your review.

If you submit a trainwreck of a review with twisted grammar and spelling casualties strewn all over the site of the accident, don't be surprised or upset if it gets rejected with a terse explanation to the effect of "l2grammar, noob."

From my perspective, if you make a mistake here or there, I'll fix it up, no problem, but I won't be spending 30 minutes performing GPR (the grammar equivalent of CPR) on your piece.

I recently allowed a piece with severe grammatical issues to be published - and MS posters mauled the thing. It's your name attached to it, take pride in your work, or brace yourself for some criticism.

There are folks on this site who I know do high quality work, and I'll flat out admit it than when I look at the queue and see something they've submitted, I'll review it immediately - even if it means leapfrogging 30 other reviews that were submitted days (or even weeks) earlier. Why? I know that proofing their review will be easy and take two minutes of my time before it gets approved and published. I really don't care if it's "fair" - it's their reward for the quality of their work.

Conversely, there are others whose works I avoid like a SARS infected lion with a frikking laser beam on it's brow run amok through my suburban neighborhood. Why? I know that opening the review to proof it will be about as pleasurable as having my innards removed by a disease-ridden, energy beam toting wild animal.

So take your time, do it right, or expect the reject... or perhaps a 400 pound carnivorous feline with high tech weaponry and highly infectious and communicable diseases knocking on your front door.

***added a couple months after initial publishing***

If you are a first time review writer, do NOT waste your time and ours submitting four or five reviews. Write one. Submit one. If it passes muster, great, continue on. If you have massive issues, it's saved you from having to completely overhaul multiple reviews (and us from having to proof and reject them) - once you get the format and are comfortable with the process, then write all you want.

*** another edit! ***

if an album in question already has multiple reviews, do not bother writing a review unless you have particularly new and amazing insight the others are lacking or your review takes a position that is contrary to the others. if three people have already scored an album a 9+, we don't need a fourth. (we didn't even need a third, to be honest)... but if you can state a good case as to why it's only a 7, we might be interested.



 



Written on 09.05.2009 by BitterCOld has been officially reviewing albums for MetalStorm since 2009.


Comments page 2 / 2

Comments: 42   Visited by: 252 users
24.10.2009 - 12:45
Slayer666
If you submit a review without following these guidelines, well, FAQ you.

What genious wordplay! I read that one yestrday, and still can't stop laughing when I see it.
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24.10.2009 - 16:39
Warman
Erotic Stains
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 18.10.2009 at 03:03

Written by BitterCOld on 09.10.2009 at 23:30

Good question. i shall consult staff as to whether or not we do singles reviews. same basic premise regarding grammar and spelling does certainly apply.


Yes, we do single review (I still ahve a ccouple pending ) bu tlike you said the same rules apply/

Okay, so the same amount of words and such?
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25.10.2009 - 02:58
Doc Godin
Obnoxious
Written by Warman on 24.10.2009 at 16:39

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 18.10.2009 at 03:03

Written by BitterCOld on 09.10.2009 at 23:30

Good question. i shall consult staff as to whether or not we do singles reviews. same basic premise regarding grammar and spelling does certainly apply.


Yes, we do single review (I still ahve a ccouple pending ) bu tlike you said the same rules apply/

Okay, so the same amount of words and such?

Yes, book reviews use pretty much the exact same format as album reviews. The only difference being it doesn't link to a band and you have to supply the picture.
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"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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25.10.2009 - 03:18
Warman
Erotic Stains
Haha okay, thanks Doc! Although I never asked about book reviews.
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25.10.2009 - 03:57
Doc Godin
Obnoxious
Written by Warman on 25.10.2009 at 03:18

Haha okay, thanks Doc! Although I never asked about book reviews.

Ah fuck me! I was keeping track of 2 conversations at once and got mixed up...Ignore my last post.
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"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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25.12.2009 - 01:41
THE_BLACK_GOD
Account deleted
Nice thread, and nice advices over there at BitterCOld's words. the most nice thing in his words is about number of reviews about each album. we dont need a lot of reviews for one album as its common in Metal-Archives. 20 reviews for Master of Puppets (maybe more).
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11.02.2010 - 06:43
BitterCOld
Gringo
Just bumping this up again... proofed all nine reviews in the queue tonight and rejected every last one of them. didn't even bother to read them, honestly.

9 of 9 failed to follow proper format, as laid out in 4.3 of the FAQ.

2 of 9 were guest reviews submitted for fresh releases (less than a month old)- guest reviews are not accepted for any album within 90 days of release, as also found in 4.2 of the FAQ.

as above in my initial article:

For starters, before writing your review, please look over the FAQ. Know and understand the FAQ. Live the FAQ. Be the FAQ. If you submit a review without following these guidelines, well, FAQ you.
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get the fuck off my lawn.
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17.02.2010 - 18:46
Mr. Doctor
Skandino
Written by BitterCOld on 11.02.2010 at 06:43

2 of 9 were guest reviews submitted for fresh releases (less than a month old


I'm curious... what happen with the other 7?
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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17.02.2010 - 18:51
BitterCOld
Gringo
Written by Mr. Doctor on 17.02.2010 at 18:46

Written by BitterCOld on 11.02.2010 at 06:43

2 of 9 were guest reviews submitted for fresh releases (less than a month old


I'm curious... what happen with the other 7?


all 9 failed for lack of proper tagging. in addition to that 2 of the 9 were also rejected for the failing to meet the 90-day new release buffer.
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get the fuck off my lawn.
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21.02.2010 - 20:28
Mr. Doctor
Skandino
I learned a lot from this article, The bad thing is that because of this article I feel a bit insecure when I try to write something
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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22.02.2010 - 18:50
BitterCOld
Gringo
Written by Mr. Doctor on 21.02.2010 at 20:28

I learned a lot from this article, The bad thing is that because of this article I feel a bit insecure when I try to write something


you needn't be. you have a good command of the language and your (somewhat limited) voting patterns don't seem terribly unrealistic. if you want to do a review, get to it. just make sure you spellcheck it and tag it up before submission.
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get the fuck off my lawn.
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22.02.2010 - 19:29
Mr. Doctor
Skandino
Written by BitterCOld on 22.02.2010 at 18:50

you needn't be. you have a good command of the language and your (somewhat limited) voting patterns don't seem terribly unrealistic.


Hehehe yeah, I guess my ratings don't have too much variety. I think that the main reason is that I always listen to some songs from the album before buying it. I don't use to take too many risks in my life.

Thanks for checking out my review, hopefully yesterday's post didn't sound like "hey! I just wrote something, can you check it?"
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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