1st of April Black Sabbath review



1st of April Black Sabbath review

Posted by: Bas
Date: 02.04.2008

 
7.4 | 14 votes
Let me make my opinion clear at the fery beginning of this refiew. I think it is a affront against metal, no, a blasphemy! To call this little piece of monotonous tones, the first metal album efer. I don't think that there is one pop song that has less difersity than this album, the only thing other than deep, distorted, repeated guitar riffs on this album is a bit rain and a f*ing harmonica. Betonmolen.

The worst thing though is probably that the term black metal might perhaps probably maybe hafe been derifed from the name Black Sabbath, who are, as we all know, power metal and not black metal, and power metal is for pussies (hence the p as in power metal) that proletic part pisses me permanently. Therefore, my brethren in metal, I strongly suggest that we rename the whole genre of black metal to satan metal. Actually we should distinguish it efen more black metal because it's made by white people and not black people, and that aside corpse (grim) paint is also white. So we should call our belofed genre WHITE SATAN METALL. The second L is because WHITE SATAN METALL has more rawness and beauty and wonderful grimminess in it, therefore it also deserfes more Ls. Isn't it simple to create new genre names my fellow brethren of the abyss in white satan metall? I think it's pretty obfious that it makes more sense this way as well. Unfortunately not all names can be as unmisleading, for example Black Sabbath which is completely misleading, as I explained earlier. Eisberg.

I doubt that I hafe to be fery detailed in my explanation of this CD's shortcomings. First of all it's too much like a cookie it's too sweet and small and simple and oferrated, and it isn't efil at all, Cthulhu agrees with me. Second, it's from england, and usually real metal doesn't come from england, it's as simple as that. Real metal can come from Norway, or Poland or efen Germany, but not from England, only cheerful things like Monty Python come from England, and netal, most of all WHITE SATAN METALL, may NOT be cheerful. Broodzak.

By the way as a final note I'll tell you that I decided that on a site like this a grim word should be added at the end of efery paragraph. Preferably in different languages. This way we can build up your tr00 focabulary while you read our refiews, it's a win-win situation. Zadrot.

Performance: 4
Songwriting: 3
Originality: 1
Production: 6

Rating 4




Comments page 2 / 2

Comments: 44   Visited by: 411 users
08.04.2008 - 03:58
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?
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Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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08.04.2008 - 09:38
Bas
Retired Staff
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 03:58

Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?

it IS eisberg, then again it's german and not dutch

and zadrot is a russian word, ask some russian, i should't be the one to teach you even more bad words

Written by +{Jonas}+ on 08.04.2008 at 00:22

Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)


it IS kvlt
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BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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08.04.2008 - 11:06
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Written by Bas on 08.04.2008 at 09:38

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 03:58

Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?

it IS eisberg, then again it's german and not dutch

and zadrot is a russian word, ask some russian, i should't be the one to teach you even more bad words

Written by +{Jonas}+ on 08.04.2008 at 00:22

Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)


it IS kvlt


I thought you meant the Dutch IJsberg since Betonmolen and Broodzak are also Dutch :-)
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Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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08.04.2008 - 14:02
Bas
Retired Staff
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 11:06

Written by Bas on 08.04.2008 at 09:38

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 03:58

Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?

it IS eisberg, then again it's german and not dutch

and zadrot is a russian word, ask some russian, i should't be the one to teach you even more bad words

Written by +{Jonas}+ on 08.04.2008 at 00:22

Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)


it IS kvlt


I thought you meant the Dutch IJsberg since Betonmolen and Broodzak are also Dutch :-)

thats because i couldnt think of a kvlt sounding word in french (thus french and france is untr00) and i don't know that many different languages
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BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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22.04.2008 - 12:03
Stalker
Lone wanderer
LOL How come I didnt see this review untill now??
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22.04.2008 - 20:59
Bas
Retired Staff
Written by Stalker on 22.04.2008 at 12:03

LOL How come I didnt see this review untill now??

that's because it was only online on the 1st of april, on the second it was already moved to the funny stuff section, after all the metal storm reviews should be real, professional reviews, and not jokes

(glad you and so many others like it btw )
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BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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22.04.2008 - 22:44
Stalker
Lone wanderer
Written by Bas on 22.04.2008 at 20:59

Written by Stalker on 22.04.2008 at 12:03

LOL How come I didnt see this review untill now??

that's because it was only online on the 1st of april, on the second it was already moved to the funny stuff section, after all the metal storm reviews should be real, professional reviews, and not jokes

(glad you and so many others like it btw )

Yeah, welll, I know, Ive seen the Britney Spears one, you know that Dont know how I misse this one
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22.04.2008 - 22:59
Bas
Retired Staff
this one was uploaded after the britney spears one, with some hours inbetween, like with regular reviews, that might be the reason? perhaps you didnt look at the review section anymore on that day after reading the spears review?
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BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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24.04.2008 - 13:46
GT
Coffee!!
Great review...didn't see it on April 1st, but better late than never
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Dreams are made so we don't get bored when we sleep
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09.06.2008 - 19:29
Elio
Red Nightmare
hope this man did another review about this, a true one, to save his soul from hell loool
very nice
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IntoPlighT said: "Slipknot is 15 years old how the fuck is that Nu metal?"

BEST. QUOTE. EVER.
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10.06.2008 - 18:19
K†ulu
Seeker of Truth
great shit, very creative. the "grim" words rock. by the way "zadrot" is a russian slang word for a nerd. Indeed, what a kvlt word.
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Savor what you feel and what you see
Things that may not seem important now
But may be tomorrow

R.I.P. Chuck Schuldiner

Satan was a Backstreet Boy
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18.06.2008 - 21:55
SirenOfTheStyx
Account deleted
That's a really, really great review, even better than your terrific review of Britney. Hail to the truest satanic dark efil god of black metal efer.
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18.06.2008 - 22:32
Bas
Retired Staff
Written by Elio on 09.06.2008 at 19:29

hope this man did another review about this, a true one, to save his soul from hell loool
very nice


no, i'll go to heaven for writing bad things about a soundtrack to evilism!

Written by K†ulu on 10.06.2008 at 18:19

great shit, very creative. the "grim" words rock. by the way "zadrot" is a russian slang word for a nerd. Indeed, what a kvlt word.


that's not exactly the meaning i meant

Written by Guest on 18.06.2008 at 21:55

That's a really, really great review, even better than your terrific review of Britney. Hail to the truest satanic dark efil god of black metal efer.


thanks
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BAS - Beautifully Accented Sexiness
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03.09.2009 - 22:03
Shogun
Heh. Production got the highest rating. Even for a joke review that makes me cringe.
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U.S.A. for Satan!
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