1st of April Black Sabbath review

Posted by: Bas
Date: 02.04.2008

 
7.4 | 14 votes
Let me make my opinion clear at the fery beginning of this refiew. I think it is a affront against metal, no, a blasphemy! To call this little piece of monotonous tones, the first metal album efer. I don't think that there is one pop song that has less difersity than this album, the only thing other than deep, distorted, repeated guitar riffs on this album is a bit rain and a f*ing harmonica. Betonmolen.

The worst thing though is probably that the term black metal might perhaps probably maybe hafe been derifed from the name Black Sabbath, who are, as we all know, power metal and not black metal, and power metal is for pussies (hence the p as in power metal) that proletic part pisses me permanently. Therefore, my brethren in metal, I strongly suggest that we rename the whole genre of black metal to satan metal. Actually we should distinguish it efen more black metal because it's made by white people and not black people, and that aside corpse (grim) paint is also white. So we should call our belofed genre WHITE SATAN METALL. The second L is because WHITE SATAN METALL has more rawness and beauty and wonderful grimminess in it, therefore it also deserfes more Ls. Isn't it simple to create new genre names my fellow brethren of the abyss in white satan metall? I think it's pretty obfious that it makes more sense this way as well. Unfortunately not all names can be as unmisleading, for example Black Sabbath which is completely misleading, as I explained earlier. Eisberg.

I doubt that I hafe to be fery detailed in my explanation of this CD's shortcomings. First of all it's too much like a cookie it's too sweet and small and simple and oferrated, and it isn't efil at all, Cthulhu agrees with me. Second, it's from england, and usually real metal doesn't come from england, it's as simple as that. Real metal can come from Norway, or Poland or efen Germany, but not from England, only cheerful things like Monty Python come from England, and netal, most of all WHITE SATAN METALL, may NOT be cheerful. Broodzak.

By the way as a final note I'll tell you that I decided that on a site like this a grim word should be added at the end of efery paragraph. Preferably in different languages. This way we can build up your tr00 focabulary while you read our refiews, it's a win-win situation. Zadrot.

Performance: 4
Songwriting: 3
Originality: 1
Production: 6

Rating 4




Comments

‹‹ Back to the Funny stuff
Comments: 44  
Users visited: 408  
Search this topic:  


Elijah - 01.04.2008 at 16:20  
Best review ever.
DoomGuard - 01.04.2008 at 16:22  
i agree 100%
Warman - 01.04.2008 at 16:26  
Me too... can't we send Varg after Iommi?
Lucas - 01.04.2008 at 17:13  
Betonmolen! Broodzak!

Finally a review that does justice to this immoral album. (I do hope they get deleted soon, lol)
iaberis - 01.04.2008 at 17:35  
What a sucky album... Totally overrated band...
Valentin B - 01.04.2008 at 17:42  
yeah. probably the least important metal album of all time. zabrak.

totally not necro. nazg.
Valentin B - 01.04.2008 at 17:49  
Written by Lucas on 01.04.2008 at 17:13

Betonmolen! Broodzak!

Finally a review that does justice to this immoral album. (I do hope they get deleted soon, lol)

ovn a svide nvote, i mvust cvongratulate yvou on lvooking almvost thve svame lvike Qvorthon, thve trvue fvather of the onvly mvusic wvorth mventioning. mvost grvim of you! and yes thve fvact thvat i pvut a v after evvery fvirst cvonsonant of each wvord is tvotally nvecro(i hvope) >:[ Hoodlum.
Damnated - 01.04.2008 at 18:05  
this is just isn't funny.
selken - 01.04.2008 at 18:14  
Black Sabbath? pff they should be deleted! totally intrascendent band
Britney Spears is the best Doom Pop evur, she is the real Paranoid cause everyone wants a piece of her!!!!!!!!!!!!

xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD
Vegetarian - 01.04.2008 at 20:15  
BLacth Sabbat is are pusseess
IronBlackZepp - 01.04.2008 at 20:16  
This is one of the worst reviews I have ever seen, Black Sabbath is a classic peice of metal, far better then any Black Metal.
Bas - 01.04.2008 at 20:21  
Written by IronBlackZepp on 01.04.2008 at 20:16

This is one of the worst reviews I have ever seen, Black Sabbath is a classic peice of metal, far better then any Black Metal.

chill mate, chill
and let your eyes wander to the calendar when you're at it
selken - 01.04.2008 at 20:27  
Written by Bas on 01.04.2008 at 20:21

Written by IronBlackZepp on 01.04.2008 at 20:16

This is one of the worst reviews I have ever seen, Black Sabbath is a classic peice of metal, far better then any Black Metal.

chill mate, chill
and let your eyes wander to the calendar when you're at it

löl sömëönë fëll
BTW: thë ümläüts këëps më trvë, grïm and cvlt

April 1st ist bläkk metüll's däy!!!
IronBlackZepp - 01.04.2008 at 20:49  
Ya Got me good on that one ha.
Lucas - 01.04.2008 at 21:15  
Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 18:05

this is just isn't funny.


You know, I expected you would not consider this funny. Don't understand why though.
Damnated - 01.04.2008 at 22:09  
Written by Lucas on 01.04.2008 at 21:15

Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 18:05

this is just isn't funny.


You know, I expected you would not consider this funny. Don't understand why though.


the welcome screen is truly lol worthy, but this is just pushing it tbh.
Bas - 01.04.2008 at 22:14  
sorry mate, but there are very few things that are even more subjectie than tastes in music
and i believe humor is one of them
Marcel Hubregtse - 01.04.2008 at 22:43  
Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 22:09

Written by Lucas on 01.04.2008 at 21:15

Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 18:05

this is just isn't funny.


You know, I expected you would not consider this funny. Don't understand why though.


the welcome screen is truly lol worthy, but this is just pushing it tbh.


Totally agreed. OKay I found the Britney Spears review hilarious but this was just ott lame IMO, escpecially because kvlt nekro grim krieg tr00 also regard Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath a masterpiece and that is way burning this album to the ground as a joke didn't work.
Damnated - 01.04.2008 at 22:46  
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 01.04.2008 at 22:43

Totally agreed. OKay I found the Britney Spears review hilarious but this was just ott lame IMO, escpecially because kvlt nekro grim krieg tr00 also regard Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath a masterpiece and that is way burning this album to the ground as a joke didn't work.

exactly. a cunt like Britney Spears may be the catch of a joke, but imo there are things you just can't joke about. and one of those things is this album.
Marcel Hubregtse - 01.04.2008 at 22:50  
Written by Damnated on 01.04.2008 at 22:46

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 01.04.2008 at 22:43

Totally agreed. OKay I found the Britney Spears review hilarious but this was just ott lame IMO, escpecially because kvlt nekro grim krieg tr00 also regard Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath a masterpiece and that is way burning this album to the ground as a joke didn't work.

exactly. a cunt like Britney Spears may be the catch of a joke, but imo there are things you just can't joke about. and one of those things is this album.


I don't mind people joking about this album at all. But the problem here arises that an album such as this one would never have got a bad review on a kvlt black metal site and that is the reason this joke just isn't funny fot me at all.
Bas - 01.04.2008 at 22:56  
like Marcel says you can just find it not funny, but Damnated please relax, even this album, which i love as well as a sidenote, is still just music, and it's not blasphemy or something to make a joke about it, and even if it is, we're in a music style which half lives off blasphemy, this very album included

maybe some of you don't think it's funny, which is perfectly fine with me as i already got way more laughs (specially out of the brit review) than i had expected

i won't ask you to deem it funny or even to respect it, but please just chill out a bit, it's might not be funny to you but i dont want to annoy people, that's not the point of a joke, so please just don't think too much about it, it won't even be here much longer anyway
BORT - 01.04.2008 at 23:18  
Is this an april fools joke? lol
Damnated - 01.04.2008 at 23:31  
Written by Bas on 01.04.2008 at 22:56

Damnated please relax


lol, it's not as if i can't sleep now.
xdissectionx - 01.04.2008 at 23:31  
pfft. no points for the album cover? blakk metallers only wish they could make a kvlter album cover
Herzebeth - 01.04.2008 at 23:34  
I think I'm becoming older and balder...I didn't laugh at any moment

I smiled with the cookie picture though
Marcel Hubregtse - 01.04.2008 at 23:40  
Written by Herzebeth on 01.04.2008 at 23:34

I think I'm becoming older and balder...I didn't laugh at any moment

I smiled with the cookie picture though


Seems like you also reached the age of 40 (in a month)

But like you I smiled at the cookie picture.
Kincaid - 01.04.2008 at 23:57  
This is the best review ever made in metal history!!! Hail white black metall
Herzebeth - 02.04.2008 at 00:46  
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 01.04.2008 at 23:40

Written by Herzebeth on 01.04.2008 at 23:34

I think I'm becoming older and balder...I didn't laugh at any moment

I smiled with the cookie picture though


Seems like you also reached the age of 40 (in a month)

But like you I smiled at the cookie picture.


OH...MY....GOD!!!

:'(
IronBlackZepp - 05.04.2008 at 07:45  
I cant beleve I fell for that, this review totally pissed me off. And I knew that it was April fools day and everything. Pretty funny!
+{Jonas}+ - 08.04.2008 at 00:22  
That band sucks. Feh, the most overrated band ever. Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)
Marcel Hubregtse - 08.04.2008 at 03:58  
Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?
Bas - 08.04.2008 at 09:38  
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 03:58

Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?

it IS eisberg, then again it's german and not dutch

and zadrot is a russian word, ask some russian, i should't be the one to teach you even more bad words

Written by +{Jonas}+ on 08.04.2008 at 00:22

Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)


it IS kvlt
Marcel Hubregtse - 08.04.2008 at 11:06  
Written by Bas on 08.04.2008 at 09:38

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 03:58

Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?

it IS eisberg, then again it's german and not dutch

and zadrot is a russian word, ask some russian, i should't be the one to teach you even more bad words

Written by +{Jonas}+ on 08.04.2008 at 00:22

Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)


it IS kvlt


I thought you meant the Dutch IJsberg since Betonmolen and Broodzak are also Dutch :-)
Bas - 08.04.2008 at 14:02  
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 11:06

Written by Bas on 08.04.2008 at 09:38

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 08.04.2008 at 03:58

Btw it is IJsberg and not Eisberg

And wtf is a Zadrot?

it IS eisberg, then again it's german and not dutch

and zadrot is a russian word, ask some russian, i should't be the one to teach you even more bad words

Written by +{Jonas}+ on 08.04.2008 at 00:22

Zadrot 8I have no idea what that is, but it sound kvlt)


it IS kvlt


I thought you meant the Dutch IJsberg since Betonmolen and Broodzak are also Dutch :-)

thats because i couldnt think of a kvlt sounding word in french (thus french and france is untr00) and i don't know that many different languages
Stalker - 22.04.2008 at 12:03  
LOL How come I didnt see this review untill now??
Bas - 22.04.2008 at 20:59  
Written by Stalker on 22.04.2008 at 12:03

LOL How come I didnt see this review untill now??

that's because it was only online on the 1st of april, on the second it was already moved to the funny stuff section, after all the metal storm reviews should be real, professional reviews, and not jokes

(glad you and so many others like it btw )
Stalker - 22.04.2008 at 22:44  
Written by Bas on 22.04.2008 at 20:59

Written by Stalker on 22.04.2008 at 12:03

LOL How come I didnt see this review untill now??

that's because it was only online on the 1st of april, on the second it was already moved to the funny stuff section, after all the metal storm reviews should be real, professional reviews, and not jokes

(glad you and so many others like it btw )

Yeah, welll, I know, Ive seen the Britney Spears one, you know that Dont know how I misse this one
Bas - 22.04.2008 at 22:59  
this one was uploaded after the britney spears one, with some hours inbetween, like with regular reviews, that might be the reason? perhaps you didnt look at the review section anymore on that day after reading the spears review?
GT - 24.04.2008 at 13:46  
Great review...didn't see it on April 1st, but better late than never
Elio - 09.06.2008 at 19:29  
hope this man did another review about this, a true one, to save his soul from hell loool
very nice
Kulu - 10.06.2008 at 18:19  
great shit, very creative. the "grim" words rock. by the way "zadrot" is a russian slang word for a nerd. Indeed, what a kvlt word.
SirenOfTheStyx - 18.06.2008 at 21:55  
That's a really, really great review, even better than your terrific review of Britney. Hail to the truest satanic dark efil god of black metal efer.
Bas - 18.06.2008 at 22:32  
Written by Elio on 09.06.2008 at 19:29

hope this man did another review about this, a true one, to save his soul from hell loool
very nice


no, i'll go to heaven for writing bad things about a soundtrack to evilism!

Written by Kulu on 10.06.2008 at 18:19

great shit, very creative. the "grim" words rock. by the way "zadrot" is a russian slang word for a nerd. Indeed, what a kvlt word.


that's not exactly the meaning i meant

Written by Guest on 18.06.2008 at 21:55

That's a really, really great review, even better than your terrific review of Britney. Hail to the truest satanic dark efil god of black metal efer.


thanks
Shogun - 03.09.2009 at 22:03  
Heh. Production got the highest rating. Even for a joke review that makes me cringe.

Advertise on Metal Storm


Login or register to post here.



Similar topics

Forum Topic Similarity Started
News Black Sabbath - Guitarist To Undergo Hand Surgery 4.5 18.08.2009 by The Shape 1973
News Black Sabbath - Town Hall Event To Be Streamed Live 4.5 09.06.2013 by Bad English
News Black Sabbath - Reunite For New Album & Worldwide Tour 4.5 11.11.2011 by Lit.
News Black Sabbath - Tony Iommi Issues Health Update 4.5 27.03.2012 by Ace Frawley
Albums Black Sabbath - Sabotage 4.5 05.04.2011 by M C Vice



Hits total: 5121 | This month: 19