101 rules of Deathcore



101 rules of Deathcore

Posted by: GutturalNinja
Date: 25.07.2009

 
8.5 | 37 votes

The key of being a brutal scene kid!
The following may have been written with animosity, yet for entertainment purposes only!

1. Have a cool MySpace layout
2. You are a really popular guy at school or a lonely emo kid
3. You can't be something in between
4. You don't listen only to Deathcore, you also like The Faceless and The Black Dahlia Murder
5. The new Job for A Cowboy record is so lame; you prefer the 'old' stuff with a lot of bree bree grunts.
6. You don't give a shit what people think
7. But be constantly involved in a fight over the internet.
8. Your band logo must be real' br00tal.
9. But your band name is in fact Rose Funeral or Bring Me the Horizon.
10. Be br00tal, but not too much 'cause eating babies and having sex with corpses is kind of disgusting.
11. Instead, sing about personal struggles, society and love.
12. Listen (or make believe you do) to at least 3 or 4 death metal band to higher your credibility.
13. Be Christian.
14. Dress like a gangster but wear a Suffocation shirt.
15. The stuff you listen to must be fresh and less than 10 years old because the 90's are over now.
16. Ruin a song with random breakdowns.
17. You're allowed to listen to rap and metalcore/screamo.
18. Label yourself as "Gore not Core" even if you're Waking the Cadaver.
19. Change musical direction after 2 albums because trends don't last.
20. Or label yourself as Death Metal because people made bad critics about your band being poser metal.
21. Never review a band/album on any metal websites.
22. Because if you like that album, people will call you names.
23. Wear tight jeans and stretch earrings.
24. Be shy and by yourself at concerts.
25. Because we know you came for the opening band.
26. But you might dance like a ninja on steroids if you are with some friends.
27. But don't mosh.
28. Inhale scream (or bree bree grunt if you're more br00tal).
29. When your band is on a line-up with metal acts, your band mates must wear their DEATH METAL shirts.
30. So the crowd can appreciate your music.
31. Headline a 20 year old Death Metal band.
32. You have discovered Cryptopsy because of The Unspoken King.
33. Look like your girlfriend.
34. Get signed by Metal Blade for your very first release
35. After one EP onlyt, release a lot of merch.
36. I mean tons and tons of merch.
37. Musical content is the least important part about your band.
38. Use the word "brutal" a lot.
39. Overuse it desperately.
40. You don't know what black metal is.
41. Sound exactly the same as the 5 other bands on the tour.
42. Look like a queer.
43. You're forbidden to have long hair because it's dirty and you don't want to look poor.
44. You listen to girly metal.
45. Dress like any kid on the street.
46. as long as you fit in.
47. Your band's T-shirts are full of flashy colors with rainbow sentences on the back.
48. You have a lot of friends on Facebook.
49. By looking at you, people must not know you listen to metal.
50. Metalheads are so unpopular.
51. Have brutal and unoriginal band names such as Dance Club Massacre, Annotations of an Autopsy or I Killed the Prom Queen.
52. You're only touring because the tour promoter want to make some money.
53. Old School Stuff sucks.
54. Insult emos.
55. Even though you're probably one.
56. Convince people to lower their pants and cut their hairs.
57. But do it over the internet.
58. Or else people are going to call you pussy.
59. But people will also call you pussy on the internet, see rule #7.
60. You must at least have an emo, a gangster and a bald guy with stretch earrings in your band.
61. Teacher-looking guys are also accepted.
62. You're a slave to trends.
63. You must encourage metal to be mainstream and popular.
64. Make heavy music but make sure to look like a fag.
65. Go at Summer Slaughter every year.
66. Have a user name similar to 'XxHrdCoreDeathStrikerxX'.
67. Say you're unique and so special and that's why there are so many haters
68. But in fact, you look like most of the kids around you.
69. Wear a cap.
70. When hardcore dancing at a show, make sure not to hit anyone but keep kicking and punching the wind.
71. You will be socially accepted.
72. You won't be alone, there might be 3 or 4 other ninjas fighting with you.
73. Haircuts are metal.
74. You do not own any of your CDs.
75. Who needs CDs when you have LimeWire.
77. Oh, and never mosh/hardcore dance during a non-breakdown part!
78. You have a blog.
79. You have a Youtube video of you trying to pig squeal over your favourite song.
80. Why bother trying to finish your song with another great part?
81. Just put a breakdown.
82. Kids love them.
83. And they sure are easy to make.
84. You never run out of breakdowns.
85. Because they all sounds the same.
86. And are catchy.
87. But in fact are weak and unoriginal.
88. And the fact that you have blast beats in your song will make it good and compensate for your cheap breakdowns.
89. Remember, hate emos.
90. They are so uncool.
91. You are cool because you wear a cap, see rule #69.
92. Steal riffs from other bands.
93. Cover nü metal songs.
94. Make grammatical errors in your lyrics.
95. Do not EVER print a T-shirt with something on the back.
96. EVER!
97. It's forbidden.
76. I forgot rule #76 so here it is.
98. Be gay.
99. Don't cry, you're a big boy now.
100. I now realise that rule #95 contradict with rule #47.
101. Whine about the above on the comment space.




Comments page 3 / 3

Comments: 89   Visited by: 486 users
25.10.2011 - 02:15
brapp32

Posts: 294
From: USA
He has no clue.
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25.10.2011 - 02:16
metalheadpunk
Account deleted
Written by Troy Killjoy on 25.10.2011 at 02:12

Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 02:11
Thats original you inbred son of a bitch, if i wanted a good comeback i would have gotten it out of your mom's ass, now shut the hell up.

You would make a joke about anal sex...

Do you really not know what trolling is?


No, i'm well aware of what trolling is, this is getting boring anyways.
So later deathcore kid.
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25.10.2011 - 02:17
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist

Posts: 18929
From: Canada

Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 02:16
So later deathcore kid.

Peace broseph!
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Prettier than BloodTears.
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25.10.2011 - 02:18
brapp32

Posts: 294
From: USA
Gentleman thanks for the entertainment and goodnight.
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25.10.2011 - 16:30
Mr. Doctor
Skandino

Posts: 16468
From: Sweden

Written by Troy Killjoy on 25.10.2011 at 02:17

Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 02:16
So later deathcore kid.

Peace broseph!


Dude you just made my whole week with this.
Bro-five!
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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27.10.2011 - 04:42
JCJen7

Posts: 423
From: USA

Funniest. Thing. Ever.
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27.10.2011 - 07:14
Void Eater
Crunkcore Fan

Posts: 2234
From: USA

Metalheadpunk is basically me about 6 months ago. I was big into dino thrash back then, talking about how awesome lame bands like Overkill and Forbidden are. There's a reason nobody cares about those bands in 2011-they were never any good. On the other hand, bands such as Carnifex manage to inject melody, brutality, and even danceable breakdowns into a single song, while The Browning is paving the way for the inevitable fusion of extreme electronic music and metal. That takes a lot more skill than rapidly playing the low E string and shouting about death/politics/beer

But hey, look on the bright side, dino thrash is better than dino black metal. "RARARA I IZ SO KVLT LOL HOW U LIKE MY DEMO LIMITED 2 666 COPPIES!!!!!!" The only old school style of metal worth listening to is death metal, like Slipknot, and only because it has the most resemblance to deathcore.



Scott Ian's troll face.
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27.10.2011 - 16:56
fabregassed
Account deleted
Written by Void Eater on 27.10.2011 at 07:14

The only old school style of metal worth listening to is death metal, like Slipknot, and only because it has the most resemblance to deathcore.



\m/ Stay sic maggot \m/

How much do you wanna bet that kid has just got into metal and is extremely insecure about his taste in music?
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27.10.2011 - 22:22
Void Eater
Crunkcore Fan

Posts: 2234
From: USA

Written by Guest on 27.10.2011 at 16:56

Written by Void Eater on 27.10.2011 at 07:14

The only old school style of metal worth listening to is death metal, like Slipknot, and only because it has the most resemblance to deathcore.



\m/ Stay sic maggot \m/

How much do you wanna bet that kid has just got into metal and is extremely insecure about his taste in music?

100% sure. He's 18, probably listened to deathcore in highschool, and just graduated to the church of real metal. When I joined Metal Archives a couple years ago, half of my posts were of me talking about how much I hate -core. It's interesting seeing this guy act just like I did, makes me realize what a douche I was. Of course I didn't go through a -core phase; getting into metal via the thrash resurgance, and hated deathcore before I even knew what it was.

\m/We are the pulse of the maggots!\m/
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27.10.2011 - 22:56
brapp32

Posts: 294
From: USA
Haha real metal.
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27.10.2011 - 23:15
Slayer666

Posts: 2466
From: Serbia

Written by Guest on 27.10.2011 at 16:56

Written by Void Eater on 27.10.2011 at 07:14

The only old school style of metal worth listening to is death metal, like Slipknot, and only because it has the most resemblance to deathcore.


How much do you wanna bet that kid has just got into metal and is extremely insecure about his taste in music?


Dude, obvious troll/joke is obvious.
Check his user name, ffs.
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27.10.2011 - 23:17
fabregassed
Account deleted
Written by Slayer666 on 27.10.2011 at 23:15

Written by Guest on 27.10.2011 at 16:56

Written by Void Eater on 27.10.2011 at 07:14

The only old school style of metal worth listening to is death metal, like Slipknot, and only because it has the most resemblance to deathcore.


How much do you wanna bet that kid has just got into metal and is extremely insecure about his taste in music?


Dude, obvious troll/joke is obvious.
Check his user name, ffs.


no not him, the other guy thrashpunk or whatver his name was.
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29.10.2011 - 03:59
Lit.
Account deleted
Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 02:16

Written by Troy Killjoy on 25.10.2011 at 02:12

Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 02:11
Thats original you inbred son of a bitch, if i wanted a good comeback i would have gotten it out of your mom's ass, now shut the hell up.

You would make a joke about anal sex...

Do you really not know what trolling is?


No, i'm well aware of what trolling is, this is getting boring anyways.
So later deathcore kid.


Trolling a well known site veteran while still a n00b?

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29.10.2011 - 04:08
Lit.
Account deleted
Written by Void Eater on 27.10.2011 at 07:14



Scott Ian's troll face.


I'm so stealing that.
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29.10.2011 - 21:11
metalheadpunk
Account deleted
Written by Void Eater on 27.10.2011 at 22:22

Written by Guest on 27.10.2011 at 16:56

Written by Void Eater on 27.10.2011 at 07:14

The only old school style of metal worth listening to is death metal, like Slipknot, and only because it has the most resemblance to deathcore.



\m/ Stay sic maggot \m/

How much do you wanna bet that kid has just got into metal and is extremely insecure about his taste in music?

100% sure. He's 18, probably listened to deathcore in highschool, and just graduated to the church of real metal. When I joined Metal Archives a couple years ago, half of my posts were of me talking about how much I hate -core. It's interesting seeing this guy act just like I did, makes me realize what a douche I was. Of course I didn't go through a -core phase; getting into metal via the thrash resurgance, and hated deathcore before I even knew what it was.

\m/We are the pulse of the maggots!\m/



Look people, ive been listening to thrash metal since i was about 7 years old no joke, and ive had my fare share of about every type of metal out their, including deathcore and metalcore, and i do not like it at all. Ive seen countless friends go from thrash or death or classic metal to deathcore be thier favorite metal genre, but maybe thats just because its alot more popular. Ive stuck to what i like forever, and its not going to change, so before you go making assumptions about people maybe you should ask them about it. And i know what deathcore is its a shitty exuse for death metal, but if you want to like it then fine with me.
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29.10.2011 - 22:34
brapp32

Posts: 294
From: USA
That was a nice story.
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30.10.2011 - 02:05
fabregassed
Account deleted
Written by Guest on 29.10.2011 at 21:11

Look people, ive been listening to thrash metal since i was about 7 years old no joke, and ive had my fare share of about every type of metal out their, including deathcore and metalcore, and i do not like it at all. Ive seen countless friends go from thrash or death or classic metal to deathcore be thier favorite metal genre, but maybe thats just because its alot more popular. Ive stuck to what i like forever, and its not going to change, so before you go making assumptions about people maybe you should ask them about it. And i know what deathcore is its a shitty exuse for death metal, but if you want to like it then fine with me.


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30.10.2011 - 12:39
vezzy
Stallmanite

Posts: 3493
From: Bulgaria

No, no, you're supposed to do it like this:

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03.11.2011 - 14:58
Cynic Metalhead
Atrocious Virgin

Posts: 4934
From: India

I am a fucking deathcore fan and for me its supposed to be the most disgust article on this website. But, whatever the stuff is above is so frigging true.....but wait

33. Look like your girlfriend. Eh?!

I've never seen any random deathcore dude slipping it off on this shit cause he knows very well, thats not very cool << . But guys do pick up the fight with any asshole and ended it chanting "br00tal fuk", g4y, pussyhead and all that crap and go to home abuse their moms with bad anger, smash the door and watch PORN. [Guys thats not me....I've literally seeing guys doing this]
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03.11.2011 - 21:29
Cynic Metalhead
Atrocious Virgin

Posts: 4934
From: India

Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 01:51

Written by Troy Killjoy on 25.10.2011 at 01:31

Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 01:23
Haha look kid, you just jumped on a fucking band-wagon, you probably like deathcore because its popular right now, your just a scene kid. The good thing about real metal such as thrash is that it never dies man, its been around since 1981 and its never gonna die, there are stll countless bands from the 80's still kicking ass, plus there are alot of newer bands that are keeping it alive. Deathcore will die down just like grunge and hair metal did. Shit kid, even those are better than deathcore, at least their frontmen actually new how to sing and not just suck on dick through the microphone.

Actually I like deathcore because it offers a lot more musically than any other metal genre. It's the most brutal, explosive, progressive style of music I've ever listened to. That old thrash stuff doesn't have a place in modern times. Once you dinosaurs all die out the rest of the world will only remember the true greats like Suicide Silence and Whitechapel. Nobody will even remember who Metallica was.



If you think Metallica is thrash man then you are more of an retard than i thought you were, they used to be thrash but not anymore man, and if you want music thats progressive then listen to Rush or Dream Theater. If you want brutal then listen to Cannibal Coprse or Slayer. Musically? Thats a fail too, breakdowns are pure shit, and just because someone can do the double bass forever doesnt make them a good drummer, screaming is not singing, and where are the guitar solos? I dont think ive ever heard a guitar or at least a decent one from a deathcore band. Metal musicians create music man (I will say that deathcore is better than rap though), and deathcore doesnt seem very musically inclined. All of the thrash bands have excellent riffs, solos, vocals, drum and even bass lines. Especially if you get into techincal thrash like Coroner, or even Megadeth, Dave Mustiane truly knows how to write music, plus musicians like Dimebag Darrell of Pantera or Chuck Shuldiner of Death (Death is more of a death metal band but have alot of thrash elements) R.I.P. both of them. All those plus many more musicians of thrash and classic metals are way more talented than any deathcore band.


Brah! seems like you're too angrily infuriated and snapping some random stuff which is more of like "Alphabets cramming"/ "returning to a kindergarten classes to learn the basics"! I think you need SOME PURE SMASHING DEATHCORE ALBUMS FROM ME DUDE. Temme when we can meet? but phluzz dont attack Troy on this matter. He is chronic deathcore dude who just slipped in.
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13.11.2011 - 06:11
ThunderAxe1989
Irreligious

Posts: 7383
From: Bahamas

This list is soooo bias!

it sucks how I came too late for the online fighting

*looking at rule 23* It's funny though, I rock skinnies.......i think it's actually pretty metal, not necessarily the gauge earrings though, that's more emo.

rule 13 makes me so sad "Be Christian". As I lay Dying and Impending Doom come to mind. Impending Doom are the gayest, most pussy band in the genre most likely (fck I hate them!).....It makes me wonder, how can any congregation accept their sound? (aren't they so close-minded they'd see you as "demons"?) and if those bands are so christian, where'd they draw their inspiration from? Morbid Angel? Deicide? See the problem? It creates oxymorons and confusion with the band members in their pesonal life, so it's cheaper they stop trying to impress those christian fucks, don't you think?
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22.11.2011 - 00:11
Mattybu

Posts: 2588
From: Canada

Written by Troy Killjoy on 25.10.2011 at 02:17

Written by Guest on 25.10.2011 at 02:16
So later deathcore kid.

Peace broseph!


The conversation preceding this was 100x as funny as the list.

Troll hard, troll true.
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22.11.2011 - 00:23
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist

Posts: 18929
From: Canada

Written by Mattybu on 22.11.2011 at 00:11
Troll hard, troll true.

Thanks. It was quite an effort, I must say, especially when other users started pointing it out.
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22.11.2011 - 00:27
Mattybu

Posts: 2588
From: Canada

Written by Troy Killjoy on 22.11.2011 at 00:23

Written by Mattybu on 22.11.2011 at 00:11
Troll hard, troll true.

Thanks. It was quite an effort, I must say, especially when other users started pointing it out.


Yes, but those thousands of pictures of trollface were as deserved as I had ever seen... Or it might have been Anthrax's NOT guy, who knows really.
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10.02.2012 - 03:55
Boxcar Willy
yr a kook

Posts: 7347
From: Canada

Written by ThunderAxe1989 on 13.11.2011 at 06:11



it sucks how I came too late for the online fighting





I know XD
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forever bummed out
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17.05.2012 - 07:40
Mr. Blonde

Posts: 66
From: USA

31. Headline over a 20 year old Death Metal band.
^The sad part is how true that can be.

I was gonna comment more on this list, but I was laughing too hard from the textbook, successful troll bait that went down. I realize this happened like half a year ago, but that was pretty epic!
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17.05.2012 - 23:20
InnerSelf
proofread free

Posts: 2400
From: Syria

Hahahaha I too didn't come across that "conversation" between Troy and that other dude until now
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to be stared at from across the abyss
is not bold enough
to stare into it himself.
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03.06.2013 - 18:21
God of shadows

Posts: 77
From: Sweden

35. After one EP onlyt, release a lot of merch.

So fucking true. Yes, I listen to a lot of deathcore, but it's so fucking annoying to see 15 shirts, 3 hoodies, 3 shorts, 2 posters, 5 girl-tees etc but rarely you see a cd, so when you see one it's like you wanna celebrate it.
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I'll just sit down and watch some bullshit"
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18.07.2013 - 10:52
MusicLV

Posts: 3
From: USA
So much funny things guys!!
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