75 Rules Of Being A True Metallica Fan

Posted by: Mr. Sizzle
Date: 30.09.2010

 
7.7 | 23 votes
1. Metallica is the greatest band ever.
2. Cliff Burton is the greatest bassist to ever live.
3. Talk about Kirk Hammett being the best guitarist ever.
4. Complain about how Kirk always uses the Pentatonic Scale in his music.
5. Whatever the fuck that means.
6. Say Lars Ulrich is better at drums than anyone.
7. Even better than Dave Lombardo.
8. Even faster than George Kollias.
9. Bitch about Dave Mustaine stealing from Metallica.
10. Get into 200 Metallica vs. Megadeth arguments per week on the internet.
11. Make that per day.
12. Don't like anything by Dave Mustaine.
13. Say your favourite song is The Four Horsemen.
14. Ha!
15. Say that Kill 'Em All was worse than the No Life 'Til Leather demo.
16. Own the No Life 'Til Leather demo.
17. If not, you aren't a true fan.
18. Ballads are SO not Metallica!
19. But listen to Fade To Black all the time.
20. Read the book For Whom The Bell Tolls while listening to the song of the same name.
21. Master Of Puppets was the greatest album, ever.
22. No exceptions.
23. Master of Puppets is the greatest song, ever.
24. Remember, it's better than Raining Blood, Peace Sells and Among The Living.
25. Combined.
26. Say Cliff Burton's death was the most tragic death ever.
27. Even if you didn't see it happen.
28. Or even if you think Dimebag's death was worse.
29. Constantly hate on Jason Newsted.
30. Complain about And Justice For All because you can't hear any bass.
31. Refer to rule 2, 29 and 30.
32. Whine about Jethro Tull beating Metallica in the '91 Grammy Awards.
33. Complain about how The Black Album sucked.
34. But say your favourite song was Enter Sandman.
35. Don't say that James Hetfield going up in flames is br00tal.
36. Don't call it epic either.
37. The 90's sucked for Metallica.
38. This is why Slayer and Megadeth became better than them.
39. Get really angry at Load.
40. Get shocked when you found out they cut their hair.
41. Reload isn't an exception either.
42. Refer to rules 39 to 41.
43. Get mad with Lars about Napster.
44. Threaten to kill Napster with a spork.
45. But download the entire Metallica catalog.
46. Including Load and Reload.
47. Laugh at Dave Mustaine for crying in Some Kind Of Monster.
48. Calling him a pussy as well is optional.
49. But when Lars cries, say it's shows that he has emotions.
50. I DON'T CARE IF HE DOES OR NOT, JUST SAY IT.
51. Cry about St. Anger.
52. Destroy St. Anger.
53. Plot about killing Bob Rock.
54. Attempt to kill Bob Rock.
55. Destroy all of your Metallica albums.
56. Never listen to Metallica again.
57. Looks like that clears up the shelf for the Anthrax catalog!
58. Listen to Death Magnetic.
59. Go out and buy all of the Metallica albums again.
60. Say that Death Magnetic is the best thrash album of the decade.
61. And that it's better than Endgame.
62. Or World Painted Blood.
63. Complain about Robert Trujillo not being as good enough as Cliff Burton.
64. But say he's kick ass compared to Jason Newsted and Bob Rock.
65. Complain about Metallica not being in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame sooner.
66. Call Dave Mustaine a bitch for not attending the ceremony.
67. Should I stop with insulting Mustaine?
68. Nope! Gotta be generic and prejudice as possible when it comes to these kinds of lists.
69. Buy The Big Four Peformance on DVD and Blu-ray.
70. Even if you don't have Blu-ray.
71. Skip to where Metallica is playing.
72. Say that Lars is an awesome drummer live.
73. Refer to rules 6 to 8.
74. Remember, the big four is nothing without Metallica.
75. Done. METALLICA RULES!




Comments

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GT - 08.10.2010 at 23:17  
The Black God would have loved this
Ellrohir - 08.10.2010 at 23:17  
Only 75 rules? bah...
Mr. Sizzle - 09.10.2010 at 06:13  
Written by Ellrohir on 08.10.2010 at 23:17

Only 75 rules? bah...

I had ran out of ideas to quickly... I'd probably be better at doing a Megadeth one though.
Powerslavex - 09.10.2010 at 18:02  
Haha nice one dude, really accurate
Valentin B - 10.10.2010 at 15:04  
51-60 = epic combo.
advent - 10.10.2010 at 20:30  
A good one , liked the first 10 rules
Întunecatul - 12.12.2010 at 11:22  
Could have said how metallica fans who find ride the lightning better than master of puppets as being not true metallica fans ...nice list of rules
Iron Nostarion - 30.01.2011 at 02:19  
Hahaha loved this, man.
Cheers.
Vivi' - 30.01.2011 at 12:08  
51. Cry about St. Anger.
52. Destroy St. Anger.

;D;D;D;D;D
BrokenKnuckles - 29.03.2011 at 18:38  
Written by Vivi' on 30.01.2011 at 12:08

51. Cry about St. Anger.
52. Destroy St. Anger.

;D;D;D;D;D


this was my favorite too. Good work dude
Mattybu - 21.06.2011 at 20:49  
Some logic was a little off here... Cliff's death not being tragic because you didn't see it? I didn't see the holocaust happen...


I actually had a laugh or two though fairly good list.
Warman - 07.07.2011 at 14:15  
I'm actually totally with rule # 23, 24 and 25!

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