101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer



101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 05.01.2007

 
9.5 | 132 votes
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.
5. Always make sure to over represent the genre you love the most, but secretly like Unearth.
6. Post the same thing in multiple threads.
7. When you buy an album, be sure to not only post in the "last album you've acquired" thread, but also make a post in the "last album you've listen to" thread and the appropriate band's thread.
8. Oh, and you must include a picture of it.
9. Or else no one will believe you.
10. You can never post the same thing too many times.
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
12. In various threads such as the "Serious Discussion" thread, make your posts as long as possible.
13. The ideal length should be about the size of a short novel.
14. Only smart people make long posts.
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
16. To enhance your credibility, make your text large and bold. People will really believe you then.
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.
25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl….with delicious strawberries mixed in.
29. If you are a guest reviewer, only review your favorite album and make sure to give it a higher rating than it deserves.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.
38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
40. Act like you're a veteran of Metal Storm when you actually have only been on for less than a year.
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.
43. Be a hypocrite.
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in.
45. But you actually post in Metal-Archives all the time.
46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
47. But never listen to them.
48. Remember, nothing should make sense in the shout box.
49. Unless it's a happy birthday shout.
50. After you give a happy birthday shout, remember to also post in the happy birthday thread. Remember, repetitiveness is key.
51. You must use a smiley in the happy birthday thread.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
53. Think that metal is the only suitable style of music.
54. But secretly listen to Elton John.
55. That's right, you know you like him.
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.
62. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
63. All Children of Bodom albums deserve a 10.
64. Except for the newest.
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
69. Post in threads you know very little about.
70. But hide your lack of knowledge by using big words.
71. And of course, spell the super big word wrong.
72. So now you really look smart.
73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!
77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam 
87. But be sure to welcome them in the appropriate thread in order to boost your post count.
88. Don't bother to read the FAQ's.
89. Instead, make sure to create a thread about a question that's already been answered.
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore.
91. You are far too metal to be listening to that stuff.
92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.
93. And while you're in a bitchy mood, why not complain about the MS server being slow?
94. Post that a certain band is the greatest band everrrrrrrrrrr even though 2364626 people already have done so.
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.
98. Secretly be Christian.
99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless.
101. If you are a traitor and actually thinking about leaving MS, be sure to make a thread about it. You really need the attention and we all enjoy reading them.




Comments page 3 / 9

Comments: 268   Visited by: 1946 users
02.02.2007 - 20:57
Lucas
Mr. Noise
Hehe, you got owned there.
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SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what?

"The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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03.02.2007 - 13:33
iMPERiAL_iCE
Weeping Heart
me got pwnd
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The older I get.........The faster I was

Smurfilator -- back when Smurf Metal existed :'(
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06.02.2007 - 05:46
Immortal Plague
Bloodshedder
Dude, i sadly do alot of the stuff on there, i hope you wernt talking about me
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15.02.2007 - 10:39
Eight
Shapeshifter
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.

So not true, im not gay, and im allways drunk - its really hard to find right buttons on keyboard... so im not quite spree posting while i see 2-3 monitors before me
----
Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God."

Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged."
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15.02.2007 - 20:19
Bulus
haehehehhe

43. be a hypocrite

hwakakakkahahahhahhhahaaahhahhahahahahahahahhhaha
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25.02.2007 - 12:25
Danny Thomas
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.

ok, yea, i'll admit it, i gave a lot of the iron maiden albums(minus the ones with blaze at vocals, im sorry, he sucks) a 10, but hey, i only did it because 1) iron maiden is amazing and 2) the metal god's love iron maiden and would send lightning to strike at me if i gave their albums a 9. and don't even think about an 8 or less, that results in instant death from Odin mortal kombat fatality style.
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Our children are dead. Burnt in the ruins that were left by war.
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26.02.2007 - 03:20
algus316
Account deleted
you forgot "hate CoB Britney's cover" xD

75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

I'm from Chile and I speak spanish, me entienden ??
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27.02.2007 - 04:08
Toolshed
Hehe,its funny a lot.

Rule 56

It happened few times...I was drunk as hell,and come on net,to see 196 rules of doom metal cause there is so many times drunkeness mentioned
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03.03.2007 - 16:12
W-Lash
Metal Master
Oh fuck, this one fucking ownz! Now i have understood that my life on MS forum has gone wrong. I don't visit 'Welcome Newcomers" post to gain more posts, i don't visit Serious Discussions and i haven't started listening Elton John. But i will change!



Rule 102: don't argue about drinking with Kariasakis7. Everything he says about drinks is 100% right and doesn't need to be prooved. heh
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07.03.2007 - 21:15
PrettyMao
Regarding No. 54....

Sir Elton John has some awesome songs.

C'mon, "Benny and the Jets", "Saturday Night's Alright (for Fighting)"...

Plus those glasses of his are mega-cool!! I am creaming in my pants right now!
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The Mao loves you all!!!

**KISS**KISS**
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08.03.2007 - 10:33
HeathenBlood
Account deleted
No.20...its correct..hehe
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09.03.2007 - 01:31
Doc Godin
Obnoxious
Man I wish rule 56 was a valid excuse for getting out of bans and stuff.
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"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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10.03.2007 - 01:34
Asitis
I love metalcore.
Just so you know.

(im I a hypocrit now?)
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The silent moment, right before the dusk fades away
I open my eyes, but the darkness stays
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11.03.2007 - 03:39
+{Jonas}+
I R Serious Cat
Quote:

20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.

Damn right.
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"Nobody wants to be the weird kid, you just end up being the weird kid. You don't know how you ended up getting there" - Rob Zombie

http://jonas-bs.deviantart.com My dA, mainly photography, go check it out!
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13.03.2007 - 10:49
Eight
Shapeshifter
Written by +{Jonas}+ on 11.03.2007 at 03:39

Quote:

20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.

Damn right.

Darn it, i've lost one point of being a metal stormer on this one
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Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God."

Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged."
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02.04.2007 - 13:28
Hembrom
Diabolic Priest
Awesome , pyroleprechaun

Funny as hell
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03.04.2007 - 17:39
APOHAKC
The Bard
haha, it is real good...

clap, clap, clap !
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They say that we are gone but I can't let you down
The heathen faith will rise again we won't fail now
I know we cannot die forever is our time
Give my people back to me free from Christianity!!!!
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03.04.2007 - 23:50
|Angela|
Account deleted
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere

You had to throw this one in as well hadn't you!

Hard to be more brutal than Paris Hilton reading a book though! Anyway Elton John is totally tr00 kvlt and necro lol. Hilarious anyway
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05.04.2007 - 05:15
>DeStRoYeR<
Account deleted
20. Yeahhhhhhh Up to Irons!!!!!
I think that, this 101 rules will be an important part in life of every metalstormer!!!

Hail to maker of ours way of life, to pyroleprechaun:banger::banger2:
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09.04.2007 - 09:09
skully
Reading these rules made me think, why I´m here?:noidea:But now I know!!!!:yes:I hate to be normal places and this is the right place for me!!!:banger2::devil:
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22.04.2007 - 09:59
duyhung
Account deleted
I like these ones,quite funny
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless

About rule #100,it seems like i'm doing this
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23.04.2007 - 17:08
Opium
Account deleted
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.

Just re-read this list and I'd have to say these are also brilliant!
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28.04.2007 - 06:54
-DC-002-
Mastercommander
Wow, that was really boring. and i like unearth.....but trivium does suck ass
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Coldgrits
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28.04.2007 - 18:57
(s)A!N†
Account deleted
Written by -DC-002- on 28.04.2007 at 06:54

Wow, that was really boring. and i like unearth.....but trivium does suck ass


lol i agree with the trivium bit ...
but boring nah just plain stupid on most of them .. but still funny like

rule 77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
that ones for me ...
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08.05.2007 - 21:20
Dane Train
Beers & Kilts
Question: How can I argue with myself in the Christianity thread?
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(space for rent)
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09.05.2007 - 08:07
Xtreme Jax
Psycroptipath
Written by Dane Train on 08.05.2007 at 21:20

Question: How can I argue with myself in the Christianity thread?

Hahaha, Claaaasssssiiiiicccc!!
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Hellcunt Smurf
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16.05.2007 - 03:27
Doc Godin
Obnoxious
Quote:
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.


Keeping these rules in mind always helped me with my reviews, seriously, every time I write a review I think of these rules, keeping the sarcasm in mind that is.
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"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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19.05.2007 - 14:46
Lathronniel
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
))))
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I amar prestar aen, han mathon ne nen, han mathon ne chae a han noston ned 'wilith...
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08.06.2007 - 16:47
orathac
Account deleted
OMG they all great hahha i cant stop laughting !!
i do the half of them :D:D:D:D
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14.06.2007 - 15:17
Cah
hehhhehe....great 101 rules
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* I´m me, You are Yourself.
Don´t forget this! *
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