101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer
101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer
9.5 | 132 votes
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.
5. Always make sure to over represent the genre you love the most, but secretly like Unearth.
6. Post the same thing in multiple threads.
7. When you buy an album, be sure to not only post in the "last album you've acquired" thread, but also make a post in the "last album you've listen to" thread and the appropriate band's thread.
8. Oh, and you must include a picture of it.
9. Or else no one will believe you.
10. You can never post the same thing too many times.
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
12. In various threads such as the "Serious Discussion" thread, make your posts as long as possible.
13. The ideal length should be about the size of a short novel.
14. Only smart people make long posts.
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
16. To enhance your credibility, make your text large and bold. People will really believe you then.
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.
25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl….with delicious strawberries mixed in.
29. If you are a guest reviewer, only review your favorite album and make sure to give it a higher rating than it deserves.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.
38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
40. Act like you're a veteran of Metal Storm when you actually have only been on for less than a year.
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.
43. Be a hypocrite.
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in.
45. But you actually post in Metal-Archives all the time.
46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
47. But never listen to them.
48. Remember, nothing should make sense in the shout box.
49. Unless it's a happy birthday shout.
50. After you give a happy birthday shout, remember to also post in the happy birthday thread. Remember, repetitiveness is key.
51. You must use a smiley in the happy birthday thread.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
53. Think that metal is the only suitable style of music.
54. But secretly listen to Elton John.
55. That's right, you know you like him.
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.
62. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
63. All Children of Bodom albums deserve a 10.
64. Except for the newest.
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
69. Post in threads you know very little about.
70. But hide your lack of knowledge by using big words.
71. And of course, spell the super big word wrong.
72. So now you really look smart.
73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!
77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam
87. But be sure to welcome them in the appropriate thread in order to boost your post count.
88. Don't bother to read the FAQ's.
89. Instead, make sure to create a thread about a question that's already been answered.
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore.
91. You are far too metal to be listening to that stuff.
92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.
93. And while you're in a bitchy mood, why not complain about the MS server being slow?
94. Post that a certain band is the greatest band everrrrrrrrrrr even though 2364626 people already have done so.
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.
98. Secretly be Christian.
99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless.
101. If you are a traitor and actually thinking about leaving MS, be sure to make a thread about it. You really need the attention and we all enjoy reading them.
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