101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 05.01.2007

 
9.5 | 126 votes
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.
5. Always make sure to over represent the genre you love the most, but secretly like Unearth.
6. Post the same thing in multiple threads.
7. When you buy an album, be sure to not only post in the "last album you've acquired" thread, but also make a post in the "last album you've listen to" thread and the appropriate band's thread.
8. Oh, and you must include a picture of it.
9. Or else no one will believe you.
10. You can never post the same thing too many times.
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
12. In various threads such as the "Serious Discussion" thread, make your posts as long as possible.
13. The ideal length should be about the size of a short novel.
14. Only smart people make long posts.
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
16. To enhance your credibility, make your text large and bold. People will really believe you then.
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.
25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl….with delicious strawberries mixed in.
29. If you are a guest reviewer, only review your favorite album and make sure to give it a higher rating than it deserves.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.
38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
40. Act like you're a veteran of Metal Storm when you actually have only been on for less than a year.
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.
43. Be a hypocrite.
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in.
45. But you actually post in Metal-Archives all the time.
46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
47. But never listen to them.
48. Remember, nothing should make sense in the shout box.
49. Unless it's a happy birthday shout.
50. After you give a happy birthday shout, remember to also post in the happy birthday thread. Remember, repetitiveness is key.
51. You must use a smiley in the happy birthday thread.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
53. Think that metal is the only suitable style of music.
54. But secretly listen to Elton John.
55. That's right, you know you like him.
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.
62. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
63. All Children of Bodom albums deserve a 10.
64. Except for the newest.
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
69. Post in threads you know very little about.
70. But hide your lack of knowledge by using big words.
71. And of course, spell the super big word wrong.
72. So now you really look smart.
73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!
77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam 
87. But be sure to welcome them in the appropriate thread in order to boost your post count.
88. Don't bother to read the FAQ's.
89. Instead, make sure to create a thread about a question that's already been answered.
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore.
91. You are far too metal to be listening to that stuff.
92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.
93. And while you're in a bitchy mood, why not complain about the MS server being slow?
94. Post that a certain band is the greatest band everrrrrrrrrrr even though 2364626 people already have done so.
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.
98. Secretly be Christian.
99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless.
101. If you are a traitor and actually thinking about leaving MS, be sure to make a thread about it. You really need the attention and we all enjoy reading them.




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RockeRoy - 11.12.2007 at 18:24  
Hell yeah!!!
juanopereira - 05.01.2008 at 02:19  
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

hahaha I don't speak english so I hope you magically understand me XD.

Whats the meaning of tr00!?!?
EpicMayhem - 30.01.2008 at 03:11  
Written by juanopereira on 05.01.2008 at 02:19

75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

hahaha I don't speak english so I hope you magically understand me XD.

Whats the meaning of tr00!?!?


tr00 = True
TormentoR_9 - 30.01.2008 at 11:11  
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.

hahah lol

75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

ofskroz......
Mr. Doctor - 30.01.2008 at 18:36  
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in

That is true... At least for me.

46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
I do that... Devil Doll f*cking rocks!!!!

68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
That was stupid... but very fun and true. xD
Evil Chip - 06.03.2008 at 20:28  
68. Be more Br00tal than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.

Hahahahaha i think i can do that.

4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.

I dint understand that one i think its TOTALY stupid.
Doc Godin - 26.03.2008 at 10:18  
Written by Dangerboner on 06.01.2007 at 02:36

lol those aren't personal attacks to anyone...just funny things I've noticed. I actually do a lot of those things

What about the one regarding not speaking english? I think we all know what thats about....
Dangerboner - 26.03.2008 at 10:36  
LOL no, that wasn't just concerning that one guy. There's tons of people on this site with bad English, but that's understandable considering the fact that this site is super international to the max. IMO.
Mr. Doctor - 26.03.2008 at 13:25  
Written by Eight on 13.03.2007 at 10:49

Written by +{Jonas}+ on 11.03.2007 at 03:39

Quote:

20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.

Damn right.

Darn it, i've lost one point of being a metal stormer on this one


Same here.. I don't like them...
That means that I'm not so tr00 as I thought...
Hangar XVIII - 27.03.2008 at 14:44  
You should add 102. Never mention St. Anger. ...Oops...
Spenku - 30.03.2008 at 23:55  
26. Never like a band's newest album.

BEST EVER!!
MetalShadow - 02.04.2008 at 18:59  
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.

That's true! People always say that a band's new album sucks!!!!:D
Psychita - 04.04.2008 at 07:36  
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.


So true!
Janni - 04.04.2008 at 14:44  
It's good...
I'm a new boy, but I'm looking forward to be a "tr00" Metalstormer.
eagleitta - 16.04.2008 at 01:45  
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.trivium sucks hehehe you are so right:metal:
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.



25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.




68. Be more Br00tal than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.itz br00tal enough toe see her.

Hahahahaha i think i can do that.

4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.


hey i am stram hey hehehehe

i am new too but this ruels are cool

sorry i can be legastenic sometines ok

but nice i found this forum
Disposable Heroe - 05.06.2008 at 02:21  
FUCK YEAH
Hamird - 24.06.2008 at 20:26  
After 101 rules of Nu metal, this one is the best 101 rules...
-Soulreaper- - 01.07.2008 at 18:17  
That was some pretty freaking funny stuff and for the most part true.
Macedonia - 24.07.2008 at 14:19  
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.

Hah
Black Conundrum - 29.07.2008 at 01:10  
That list is brutal!
Thunderdrake - 02.08.2008 at 22:49  
Definietly a lot of brutal in there. Very funny 101 rules list, well done.
Oracle - 13.08.2008 at 09:34  
I liked these ones

74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.

99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
Macedonia - 13.08.2008 at 22:34  
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.

Of Jesus!!!

75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

Aj nou ju wil!
brapp32 - 14.08.2008 at 01:22  
very funny stuff
5.T.4.L.k.E.R - 22.08.2008 at 12:53  
102. The more you use the words "brOOOtal"/"brutal" or "trOOO" th better. and i mean you pyroleprechaun.

i just noticed that you have used a lot of those words. and BTW i've only been here for like over a week. but i get what you're saying, in fact most of them i believe are true
Abattoir - 22.08.2008 at 13:33  
This one is definitely the hardest things to beat

11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
BitterCOld - 22.08.2008 at 19:22  
103. Tank every album appearing ahead of yours in the Top 10 rankings by scoring them all a "1" even if they are legitimately great albums.
Darkside Momo - 22.08.2008 at 22:02  
Written by BitterCOld on 22.08.2008 at 19:22

103. Tank every album appearing ahead of yours in the Top 10 rankings by scoring them all a "1" even if they are legitimately great albums.

that wouldn't happen, would it?
Doc Godin - 29.10.2008 at 18:37  
Written by Dangerboner on 26.03.2008 at 10:36

LOL no, that wasn't just concerning that one guy. There's tons of people on this site with bad English, but that's understandable considering the fact that this site is super international to the max. IMO.

Yeah, I notice now, theres a lot of really bad ones. My signature explains that. Rule 96 is also pretty sweet.
Nimlot - 31.10.2008 at 11:09  
I just love the be more br00tal stuff
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
but 99. was just mean... it's not cool to make fun of such things...

and also
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
should have been followed :
97.Not...
nana.MD - 02.11.2008 at 02:25  
LoL i liked it alot, except # 99...it's cruel!!

...u should add dimebag to #73 too, that's happening really often...
Mr. Doctor - 02.11.2008 at 17:27  
Quote:
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.


Those ones seems to talk about Metal Archives jajajajjaja

Quote:
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.


JAJAJJAJAJAJ!!! Awesome
ThunderAxe1989 - 03.11.2008 at 04:30  
'unless you're a gay drunk'? why? afraid of being hit on aye?
Icarus - 06.11.2008 at 04:53  
Following the previous rules i will now SPAM this thread man am i a metalstormer:D
Ragana - 07.11.2008 at 19:02  
14. Only smart people make long posts.

Well, if someone includes some words in Latin, then you can skip this post. But true, yes.
Kanto - 03.01.2009 at 13:21  
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.

I have hundreds of friends like that hahahaha! xD
Slayer666 - 08.01.2009 at 20:02  
Written by Guest on 30.01.2008 at 11:11

82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.

hahah lol

75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

ofskroz......

Skroz opiceno, jel' da?
Ahem, hail to the 101 holly rules......
JayEstonio - 21.01.2009 at 17:25  
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam
TheBigRossowski - 21.01.2009 at 18:14  
This is great dude! This is very well thought out and througrough, lol.

(thorough)..ummm...my BIG word.

Who's got your undies Walter?
Himann - 17.02.2009 at 11:40  
Lol hilarious stuff.. Is Hemlock still around?
TheBigRossowski - 04.03.2009 at 17:43  
I think every other month I should read this again, just because it makes me THAT happy in the pants.

78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.

I totally fucking do that! The Dude abides! Fucking Dragonforce losers posting in the Funeral Mist thread! Its usually something to that affect.
ms68 - 26.03.2009 at 21:25  
"Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book." was my fovorite.
new rules:
102. add lord of the rings triology in your favorite movies
103. add learning german in your languages
104. write sth stupid in your instruments
105. if u r a girl u can use goddess instead of angle too.
106. always try to blur your face in order to no one could see that
107. if your favorite album isn't master of puppets or rust in peace u must write "It can change everyday" or "Impossible to choose"
K†ulu - 27.03.2009 at 16:11  
Written by ms68 on 26.03.2009 at 21:25

106. always try to blur your face in order to no one could see that

I think you did pretty well with one.
ms68 - 27.03.2009 at 19:44  
Written by K†ulu on 27.03.2009 at 16:11

Written by ms68 on 26.03.2009 at 21:25

106. always try to blur your face in order to no one could see that

I think you did pretty well with one.

verry funny:lol:
ThunderAxe1989 - 28.03.2009 at 00:30  
"secretly be christian" , that's unbelieveable.

ummm yeah 99 was mean though, i guess that one's more for the NS Black Metallers.....
THE_BLACK_GOD - 12.04.2009 at 09:53  
very nice, thankz man.

19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.

+
102. You have to say that you hate metallica, its a shame for a metal stormer, if he is a metallica fanboy! (and always whining about metallica)
103. Vote 1 for bands which are upon your favorite band at MS top 100 list or in any best album lists!
Sentenced Odiin - 27.04.2009 at 18:25  
I dont know what is your problem with Children of Bodom? -.-
NorwayIlona - 27.05.2009 at 15:03  
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.

HAHA! Great!

And... The_Black_God wrote:
102. You have to say that you hate metallica, its a shame for a metal stormer, if he is a metallica fanboy! (and always whining about metallica)

HAHA! True.. Or, tr00... Don't like Metallica! They suck.. and DON'T EVEN TRY TO LIKE THEIR NEW STUFF! If you do, you're not metal AT ALL! Øhhh...
Doc Godin - 28.05.2009 at 03:44  
Written by Guest on 12.04.2009 at 09:53

102. You have to say that you hate metallica, its a shame for a metal stormer, if he is a metallica fanboy! (and always whining about metallica)

Yeah, that really explains why they are the 3rd most popular band on the site.
THE_BLACK_GOD - 28.05.2009 at 13:40  
Written by Doc Godin on 28.05.2009 at 03:44

Written by Guest on 12.04.2009 at 09:53

102. You have to say that you hate metallica, its a shame for a metal stormer, if he is a metallica fanboy! (and always whining about metallica)

Yeah, that really explains why they are the 3rd most popular band on the site.

u mean its a shame ? blame them or their fans lol, + one other rule is that u have to use quatos in ur signature, even if u dont know even why those words were wirtten. btw I told u for 1000 times that I answered the same term hehe but u are absolutely deff, or better to say that u want to be deff.

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