101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 05.01.2007

 
9.5 | 126 votes
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.
5. Always make sure to over represent the genre you love the most, but secretly like Unearth.
6. Post the same thing in multiple threads.
7. When you buy an album, be sure to not only post in the "last album you've acquired" thread, but also make a post in the "last album you've listen to" thread and the appropriate band's thread.
8. Oh, and you must include a picture of it.
9. Or else no one will believe you.
10. You can never post the same thing too many times.
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
12. In various threads such as the "Serious Discussion" thread, make your posts as long as possible.
13. The ideal length should be about the size of a short novel.
14. Only smart people make long posts.
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
16. To enhance your credibility, make your text large and bold. People will really believe you then.
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.
25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl….with delicious strawberries mixed in.
29. If you are a guest reviewer, only review your favorite album and make sure to give it a higher rating than it deserves.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.
38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
40. Act like you're a veteran of Metal Storm when you actually have only been on for less than a year.
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.
43. Be a hypocrite.
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in.
45. But you actually post in Metal-Archives all the time.
46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
47. But never listen to them.
48. Remember, nothing should make sense in the shout box.
49. Unless it's a happy birthday shout.
50. After you give a happy birthday shout, remember to also post in the happy birthday thread. Remember, repetitiveness is key.
51. You must use a smiley in the happy birthday thread.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
53. Think that metal is the only suitable style of music.
54. But secretly listen to Elton John.
55. That's right, you know you like him.
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.
62. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
63. All Children of Bodom albums deserve a 10.
64. Except for the newest.
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
69. Post in threads you know very little about.
70. But hide your lack of knowledge by using big words.
71. And of course, spell the super big word wrong.
72. So now you really look smart.
73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!
77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam 
87. But be sure to welcome them in the appropriate thread in order to boost your post count.
88. Don't bother to read the FAQ's.
89. Instead, make sure to create a thread about a question that's already been answered.
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore.
91. You are far too metal to be listening to that stuff.
92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.
93. And while you're in a bitchy mood, why not complain about the MS server being slow?
94. Post that a certain band is the greatest band everrrrrrrrrrr even though 2364626 people already have done so.
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.
98. Secretly be Christian.
99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless.
101. If you are a traitor and actually thinking about leaving MS, be sure to make a thread about it. You really need the attention and we all enjoy reading them.




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The Shape 1973 - 31.05.2009 at 21:30  
Not as funny as power metal rules.

Rule 102. do not disagree with Marcel H, he doesn't like it.
Daggon - 01.06.2009 at 07:11  
101. "Read before THE MAN deletes it" anyone?
JD - 29.06.2009 at 01:17  
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....
Berfones - 18.07.2009 at 01:03  
Go to every event posted on Metal Storm and set the chanses for your arrival to 50% even if you don't plan on coming
AnGina-- - 18.07.2009 at 23:10  
Haha, I love 13 and 14 the most
demonseed - 06.09.2009 at 13:10  
Very funny, I loved rule 39
Marcel Hubregtse - 07.09.2009 at 14:29  
Written by The Shape 1973 on 31.05.2009 at 21:30

Not as funny as power metal rules.

Rule 102. do not disagree with Marcel H, he doesn't like it.




Btw I just wanted to say...

102 Take part in a hard as hell Metal Quiz, finish in the top-10 and brag about it. So showing you really don't have a life.
Ellrohir - 07.09.2009 at 14:49  
Damn...aeons ago i posted here i dont like Iron Maiden? oh, the shame...
The Shape 1973 - 07.09.2009 at 14:59  
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 07.09.2009 at 14:29

Written by The Shape 1973 on 31.05.2009 at 21:30

Not as funny as power metal rules.

Rule 102. do not disagree with Marcel H, he doesn't like it.




Btw I just wanted to say...

102 Take part in a hard as hell Metal Quiz, finish in the top-10 and brag about it. So showing you really don't have a life.

Well done M, you really need to get out more, bet you didn't do very well on the Euro power metal round though ha ha.
Marcel Hubregtse - 07.09.2009 at 15:06  
Written by The Shape 1973 on 07.09.2009 at 14:59


Well done M, you really need to get out more, bet you didn't do very well on the Euro power metal round though ha ha.


There wasn't specific round on Euro Power Metal. Although Gamma Ray was featured which I got btw and also Running Wild, also got that one and one or two others. But they were thrwon into the general heavy metal round and something on Blind Guardia came by in the thrash/speed round but didn't get that one.
I am ashamed to say I did guess Swashbuckle, but then again they play thrash and not Euro Power metal.
Entropic Silence - 10.10.2009 at 23:07  
Written by The Shape 1973 on 31.05.2009 at 21:30

Not as funny as power metal rules.

Rule 102. do not disagree with Marcel H, he doesn't like it.


Man I can't count how many times I've broken that one... actually bout twice... but thats beside the point
Kap'N Korrupt - 13.10.2009 at 03:38  
Yeah a lot of the things I've posted here while drunk over the years have been preposterous...
MissPrecious - 27.10.2009 at 13:42  
It starts with a very nice sentence "1. Don't follow the rules of posting."
Uirapuru - 19.01.2010 at 07:49  
Ressurecting the topic! Since I never posted here.. and I NEED posts!!!

Quote:
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.


Amazing combo sequence Right after the Elton John truths...
BoxCar Willy - 22.01.2010 at 18:34  
Written by JD on 29.06.2009 at 01:17

90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....

bite me
MétalNoir - 26.01.2010 at 22:01  
Written by Uirapuru on 19.01.2010 at 07:49

Ressurecting the topic! Since I never posted here.. and I NEED posts!!!

Quote:
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.


Amazing combo sequence Right after the Elton John truths...

The homophobic comment was unnecessary... But everything else is FOOKKYNG funny!
Dangerboner - 09.02.2010 at 07:27  
Sorry, I was drunk when I wrote that. But not a gay drunk!
Warman - 09.02.2010 at 18:11  
One of my best friends is always a gay drunk... could be because he actually is gay.
hell_kevs - 10.02.2010 at 14:59  
102 rules
hit your fucking head on the wall to realize that you are a metalstormer but there are two thing you will know when you do that thing you will realize that is hurt and you finally a metalstormer
Donnie Darko - 20.02.2010 at 22:11  
+1 90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore lo and I hate it so much !

103. You must hate Atreyu. if you dont you arent a tr00 metalstormer
Met@1lurg - 21.02.2010 at 20:47  
I think - only to love this excellent web-site, not to read a sh**t that i see above. Metalstorm.ee is like Windows. Very comfortable to read, writing on forum and many many other things.
To be a metalstormer is to like good quality rock-metal music.
Dangerboner - 22.02.2010 at 11:19  
Written by Met@1lurg on 21.02.2010 at 20:47

I think - only to love this excellent web-site, not to read a sh**t that i see above.

You want to see a shit? I can send you a kinky video of me, sexy boi
Met@1lurg - 22.02.2010 at 11:24  
Written by Dangerboner on 22.02.2010 at 11:19

Written by Met@1lurg on 21.02.2010 at 20:47

I think - only to love this excellent web-site, not to read a sh**t that i see above.

You want to see a shit? I can send you a kinky video of me, sexy boi

If you wanna send me something bad, you will ignored by me.
Dangerboner - 22.02.2010 at 11:25  
You hurt mai feelings! You should follow rule #61.
Angelic Storm - 22.02.2010 at 13:50  
Bah, there's no rules in metal!
I_Die_Often - 26.02.2010 at 03:53  
Add to the list
You MUST put Lord Of The Rings as favorite book and/or movie
Slayer666 - 03.03.2010 at 23:01  
Written by Evil Chip on 06.03.2008 at 20:28

68. Be more Br00tal than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.

Hahahahaha i think i can do that.


No, you can't. Paris Hilton reading a book is the most br00tal thing currently in existance.
Vitriolic Hate - 10.03.2010 at 03:39  
Written by Angelic Storm on 22.02.2010 at 13:50

Bah, there's no rules in metal!

sasquatch - 21.03.2010 at 05:42  
Quotes 41,42, and 43 make up some of the funniest/stupidest things I've ever seen.
BoxCar Willy - 17.04.2010 at 01:27  
Written by Slayer666 on 03.03.2010 at 23:01

Written by Evil Chip on 06.03.2008 at 20:28

68. Be more Br00tal than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.

Hahahahaha i think i can do that.


No, you can't. Paris Hilton reading a book is the most br00tal thing currently in existance.

@Slayer666
read #81
oroboros - 16.06.2010 at 19:50  
Written by BoxCar Willy on 17.04.2010 at 01:27

Written by Slayer666 on 03.03.2010 at 23:01

Written by Evil Chip on 06.03.2008 at 20:28

68. Be more Br00tal than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.

Hahahahaha i think i can do that.


No, you can't. Paris Hilton reading a book is the most br00tal thing currently in existance.

@Slayer666
read #81

lol
Kennoth - 17.06.2010 at 00:29  
Written by BoxCar Willy on 17.04.2010 at 01:27

Written by Slayer666 on 03.03.2010 at 23:01

Written by Evil Chip on 06.03.2008 at 20:28

68. Be more Br00tal than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.

Hahahahaha i think i can do that.


No, you can't. Paris Hilton reading a book is the most br00tal thing currently in existance.

@Slayer666
read #81


HAHAHA
Uirapuru - 04.07.2010 at 20:19  
I didn't read it through again...

But there should be a rule like this:

***''Always start a topic about a band saying ''can't believe there isn't a topic about this band!'' ''
Daggon - 04.07.2010 at 22:54  
Written by Uirapuru on 04.07.2010 at 20:19

I didn't read it through again...

But there should be a rule like this:

***''Always start a topic about a band saying ''can't believe there isn't a topic about this band!'' ''


Even if it is the less known band in the whole world
Uirapuru - 05.07.2010 at 06:03  
Written by Daggon on 04.07.2010 at 22:54

Written by Uirapuru on 04.07.2010 at 20:19

I didn't read it through again...

But there should be a rule like this:

***''Always start a topic about a band saying ''can't believe there isn't a topic about this band!'' ''


Even if it is the less known band in the whole world


Exactly XD

But I can't blame anyone, since I do that too...
Wishmaster - 21.08.2010 at 17:10  
I like this list. Most of it is so true. lmao
mismoree - 02.09.2010 at 00:45  
I started laughing my ass off at #2, didn't stop until 101.
SODOM666 - 07.09.2010 at 22:44  
^^^^^Lol 81.....
thatmetalhead666 - 23.09.2010 at 04:00  
Haha this is funny.
no.11... that just supplied me with really, really bad thoughts about my grandma...
Ellrohir - 24.09.2010 at 22:38  
"secretly be a christian"...i am not, damn
advent - 10.10.2010 at 20:41  
Written by I_Die_Often on 26.02.2010 at 03:53

Add to the list
You MUST put Lord Of The Rings as favorite book and/or movie

This is so true
Behdad K2 - 15.10.2010 at 17:39  
Haha! that was cool!

Quote:
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.


Haha!
102. Remember these sentences and repeat them in all of your post: "Trivium sucks!" / "Trivium is the worst band I've ever heard" / "Fu*k Trivium!" But always listen to their music!
103. You must give a" 1 " to all of their albums! But keep listening to them!
104. Always say you hate Trivium but attend their concerts and buy their T-shirts, but never wear them , because you hate them!
Battlelord - 11.12.2010 at 17:48  
I was about to make the longest post in MS to prove your point and see how smart I am, but then again I am tr00 so I don't have to
JD - 20.12.2010 at 20:02  
Written by BoxCar Willy on 22.01.2010 at 18:34

Written by JD on 29.06.2009 at 01:17

90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....

bite me

Why.
BoxCar Willy - 20.12.2010 at 21:05  
Written by JD on 20.12.2010 at 20:02

Written by BoxCar Willy on 22.01.2010 at 18:34

Written by JD on 29.06.2009 at 01:17

90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....

bite me

Why.

because i like SOME metalcore i hate the pansy stuff like A7x And bfmv
but i love Shadows fall and unearth!
JD - 21.12.2010 at 16:28  
Written by BoxCar Willy on 20.12.2010 at 21:05

Written by JD on 20.12.2010 at 20:02

Written by BoxCar Willy on 22.01.2010 at 18:34

Written by JD on 29.06.2009 at 01:17

90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore. hahah that's right....

bite me

Why.

because i like SOME metalcore i hate the pansy stuff like A7x And bfmv
but i love Shadows fall and unearth!

Well i also like some Metalcore\Deathcore\Hardcore i adore Unearth and i despise A7 and bfmv, but the rule 90 just made me laugh "make someone else bites you"
Muse of Light - 26.12.2010 at 22:34  
*snickers*
Vivi' - 23.01.2011 at 00:15  
Hilarious!
wormdrink414 - 22.02.2011 at 08:01  
Elton John is one of the pop greats.
Captain Obvious - 01.03.2011 at 12:14  
Rule #40.... oh no, they're onto me

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