King - Forged By Satan's Doctrine review



Reviewer:
N/A

2 users:
5.50
Band: King
Album: Forged By Satan's Doctrine
Release date: February 2012


01. Summon Shub-Niggurath Ye Black
02. No Pray No Mercy Just Death (Unpromised Satan)
03. Kill The Posers Like Fucking Christians
04. When The Walls In Heaven Turn In Black
05. Evil Evangelization
06. Emperor Of Darkness
07. The Ruthless Attitude Of Evil Sobervia
08. Satan's Fabrica
09. Macabre Satanas
10. Nonlaughter: Zero Fucking Happiness
11. What's Satan Domain


I'm trying to find some indication that this is a joke. I don't know what would be funnier, that someone made a joke song entitled "Kill The Posers Like Fucking Christians" or that someone, perhaps even the - I don't want to say "artist", that just wouldn't fit, let's use the word "creator" - actually takes it seriously and thinks it still sounds edgy.

Now, when I say this album sucks major ass, it goes way beyond the moronic song titles, as I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck about anti-this or pro-satan that. The moronic song titles are just a good indication of what the content is like - hey, at least we can't put these guys down for false advertising! It's the most uncreative, unthreatening, laughable, dry, boring, generic form of juvenile black/death metal I've found in ages. The riffs are bland, the vocals are overdone, and the production makes even the slightly less boring riffs sound thin as tissue paper. Unlike tissue paper, this album serves no purpose existing.

You know what? Today, I'm going to break a Metal Storm rule, I'm submitting a review that falls short of 250 words. Do you know why? Because there isn't even varying degrees of shittiness to this album. It's so god damned repetitive coming up with 250 words to describe it is a fucking mountain to climb, people.

Disclaimer:
If this album is, in fact, meant to be a joke, my sincerest apologies, joke well played.


 



Written on 10.02.2012 by Former EIC. Now just a reviewer guy.


Comments

Comments: 11   Visited by: 186 users
10.02.2012 - 18:44
s7mon
s7mon
Maybe at first they wanted to create something serious but came to conclusion that their music sucked so much that they decided to turn it into a joke? Honestly, I don't think any band would name their songs this way if they didn't mean it to be a joke. I've listened to "Emperor of Darkness" and that's more than enough for me
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10.02.2012 - 18:58
Slayer666
Written by s7mon on 10.02.2012 at 18:44

I've listened to "Emperor of Darkness" and that's more than enough for me


Yeah, that's the one I heard as well.
I don't think it's quite as bad as Doc makes it out to be. The vocals really are hella forced though.
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10.02.2012 - 18:59
Valentin B
Iconoclast
I am highly certain this is just a joke, and you got fooled there Luke.
----
Sing me a song, you're a singer
Do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil.
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10.02.2012 - 19:52
Windrider
Raureif
Lol first I thought its about some band by old Gorgoroths Kind ov Hell and when I saw the disclaimer first I thought "Wow, he continues his downfall"
Made sense for me
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10.02.2012 - 20:37
ZOMBIESiTellsYa
I don't think that Emperor Of Darkness song is that bad. The riffs are certainly a bit all over the place and not very heavy but the vocals weren't laughable, from my point of view.
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10.02.2012 - 22:46
Mattybu
Nonlaughter: Zero Fucking Happiness

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11.02.2012 - 08:45
frankeli
Account deleted
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm shedding tears from laughter. Doc, you're a god ))))
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11.02.2012 - 08:55
blackmamba
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12.02.2012 - 13:02
Qube
The guy tending to their Facebook page did not like your review. And he added that "Kill the posers" was written for guys like you. Nice fella
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12.02.2012 - 20:38
Doc Godin
Obnoxious
Written by Qube on 12.02.2012 at 13:02

The guy tending to their Facebook page did not like your review. And he added that "Kill the posers" was written for guys like you. Nice fella

I'm flattered. I should leave a comment thanking him for upping the hits on my review.

I saw the comments by the way, but online translations are really sketchy, do you have an accurate translation of what he is saying there?
----
"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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12.02.2012 - 23:11
Qube
Written by Doc Godin on 12.02.2012 at 20:38

Written by Qube on 12.02.2012 at 13:02

The guy tending to their Facebook page did not like your review. And he added that "Kill the posers" was written for guys like you. Nice fella

I'm flattered. I should leave a comment thanking him for upping the hits on my review.

I saw the comments by the way, but online translations are really sketchy, do you have an accurate translation of what he is saying there?


Not completely accurate since my spanish is a bit old and he apparently uses a columbian expression ("darse garra") that I cannot completely understand even in context.
Here is my best shot (in italic where I am really not sure):

"No todos los comentarios son buenos, aqui un rev donde nos dan garra como un putas"

Not every commentaries are good, here a review where they go over the top on us (like bitches / like a bitch).

"Y lo mas importante es que Kill the possers, fue realizada pensando en pensonas perfectamente asi como el que realizo este Rev."

And the most important is that Kill the possers, was done thinking about people exactly just like the one that made this review.

"jajaja el perfil de esa persona lo dice todo jajajaja -Zarthan-"

jajaja the profile of that person says everything jajajaja -Zarthan-
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