Striborg - Ghostwoodlands review



Reviewer:
2.0

7 users:
5.00
Band: Striborg
Album: Ghostwoodlands
Release date: June 2007


01. Bete Noirs
02. Wandering The Wilderness Of Eternal Misery
03. Light Anomalies In The Phantom Woods
04. With Animosity I Bequeath Thee
05. Sinister Scraping Of The Spectres
06. Ghostwoodlands
07. Descending Into Utter Despair


I can't believe I've made it to the end of this useless piece of rotten excrement. If I hadn't already heard the name of this one-man-band, I could have thought this is a parody, but unfortunately it is not. It wouldn't have been very funny anyway. And yet, as I am finding myself increasingly enjoying black metal (and especially the rawest one) every day, I thought this could do something for me. Well, it doesn't. Actually this may very well be one of the most ridiculous pieces of metal - no, of music - I've ever heard. Ok, I'm not being very fair here. I don't know whether this is good or not. HOW COULD I KNOW IF THIS IS ANY GOOD WHEN I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING?

I understand the necessity of having a raw production when it serves an artistic purpose. I mean, Lightning Bolt or Darkthrone wouldn't be the same with a crystal clear sound, now would they? But this… This is simply too much. Or not enough. This is even less professional than a live rehearsal recorded on a first generation mobile phone. The hiss you hear in the background is the guitar. Yes, this is noisy, this is annoying, this is painful, this almost made my ears bleed. The vocals? Oh, the vocals. They sound like toilets are flushed in a very deep cave with lots of echo, and then the recording of this sound is forced through some machine that will give it even more echo. It would be laughable if it was not so pathetic. The drums are simply off tempo most of the time, in an "excuse me this is my first drums lesson" kind of way. Only the bass is almost decent - almost.

And now you're gonna tell me: "Collin, you poor dumbass, you don't get it, it's ambient black metal, it's the atmospheres that matter". Yeah I know, but how do you create serious and tripping atmospheres with the keyboard I offered my 4-year old cousin last Christmas? Most interludes only consist of two veeeery looooong notes repeated over and over again. It is not atmospheric, it is stratospherically boring. When I think of it, every song consists of two simplistic riffs repeated over and over again. I found going through the twenty minutes of "Wandering The Wilderness Of Eternal Misery" was ten times as hard as quitting smoking. I assume all this was meant to be some sort of scary horror movie soundtrack, but to me this is the sonic equivalent of an Ed Wood film, if you see what I mean. I see you coming: "Collin, you lame loser, this is art!". Well, nowadays every other dumbass with illusions of grandeur calls himself an artist. A few years ago some Italian guy shat in a box, called it "art", and sold it for millions of dollars. So, excuse me.

I'm not going to waste any more of my time on this pathetic attempt at being grim. The fact that this is released by a serious label (Displeased Records, how could you commit this?) leaves me speechless. I can't believe someone proposes something that shows so much disrespect for the listeners and for the music. Please Mr Sin-Nanna, stop pretending you make music, my toilet brush shows more talent than this turd you're releasing.


PS: I give this… thing (I refuse to call it an album) 2 points for the two grammar mistakes in the first song title - it's "Bête Noire", not "Bete Noirs" - that made me laugh a little.


Rating breakdown
Performance: 2
Songwriting: 2
Originality: 3
Production: 2

Written by Deadsoulman | 20.09.2007


 


Comments page 2 / 2

Comments: 47   Visited by: 154 users
01.10.2007 - 03:19
Southern Wind
Account deleted
Written by Damnated on 30.09.2007 at 23:51

Written by Guest on 22.09.2007 at 02:24

I hadn't checked their other albums, but the last one is laughable.... hard to believe that it was made seriously... just a simple, underdeveloped wall of noise spiced with screams of some retarded, that according to the band were screamed by a "real criminal" who was asked to participate, to capture the tru essence of pure evil of the human soul blah blah blah... I don't know, I had read some reviews about Stallaggh's previous shit and they don't treat them so bad, but their new album is pathetic


Stalaggh requires mood and a certain taste. it's defiantly not for everyone. before you listen to them, try to prepare for a physical trauma. then you wont be surprised. Stalaggh is painful. but can be enjoyable.

oh, and the vocals are recorded at mental asylums with several retarded people. their stimulation is the music itself.


a screaming retard is not painful... just annoying
Loading...
01.10.2007 - 10:53
Damnated
Churchburner
Written by Guest on 01.10.2007 at 03:19

a screaming retard is not painful... just annoying


the music causes you pain, not the vocals.
----
Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men.



Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01

if my wife and I can't conceive, I want a medical shipment of your sperm so our baby will be just like you.
Loading...
02.10.2007 - 01:26
Southern Wind
Account deleted
Written by Damnated on 01.10.2007 at 10:53

Written by Guest on 01.10.2007 at 03:19

a screaming retard is not painful... just annoying


the music causes you pain, not the vocals.


I'm inmune to pain, then
Loading...
05.02.2009 - 00:15
Slayer666
The review itself is excelent, although this... how Collin calls it... THING can't be that bad, can it? I didn't hear any songs yet, but Collin is a pretty strict reviewer, so I really have to check out the album to see if he's right.

EDIT: Wow. Wow. Is this album even real? By that, I mean I can't find a single track anywhere, not even on Net, Youtube, ANYWHERE! I did, however find some other Striborg stuff, and it also fits the review pretty darn nicely. Pathetic noises. Although, you can kind of hear a guitar in the background that tries to create a depresive atmosphere, but you can't even hear the damn thing. The only thing you can hear is the sound like in the construction sites.

EDIT #2: If the production and vocals were better (a whole lot better, though) this could pass up as average.
Loading...
05.02.2009 - 00:20
Slayer666
Written by Deadsoulman on 23.09.2007 at 18:37

Lol it seems my review has the opposite effect of what I wanted. I wrote this with a view to make it very clear that this is absolute crap and should be avoided at all costs. And now everyone wants to listen to it lol

Hey, just like they say, there is no bad publicity! And you gave this album some pretty horrible marks, that sounds even more attractive to people than rating it like an average one.
Loading...
07.07.2009 - 10:50
Eviscerator
Ghostwoodlands... Very similar to all of his works as everyone knows, however I'm posting simply in an attempt to defend this project, Striborg. I do not understand why everyone is so displeased with this project. I'm extremely surprised about the negative review after negative review and a horrible lack of fans. I found Striborg one day, flipping about the net as I do on a regular basis in a search for music. I popped in "Solitude", and I sat patiently in a dark room, possibly searching for influence of my own. What had beheld my ears was not special, however, rather droning and simple as everyone says BUT... I felt the atmosphere that no one else seems to grasp. Does Sin Nanna wear stupid corpse paint? Check. Are his songs droning, with no sign for musical talent? Maybe, yeah I'll take that. I still felt what Black Metal was all about. I was highly disturbed, depressed, and transported into an entirely different dark world. Two thumbs up for the three albums I own of his: "Ghostwoodlands, Solitude, and Atumnal Melancholy", and I'll be sure to grab more of his discography. Ok now everyone get mad at me.
Loading...
11.09.2009 - 11:47
Doc Godin
Obnoxious
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 20.09.2007 at 21:53

And the scary thing is that there are actually people around who really enjoy this album and the rest of Striborg's music.

No there isn't. There's people who pretend to enjoy it.
----
"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
Loading...
12.09.2009 - 00:58
Mr. Doctor
Skandino
I totally second that thought.
----
Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
Loading...
12.09.2009 - 02:42
Lord_Regnier
I totally agree with the review. I'm a huge Black Metal fan and, even then, I think Striborg is absolute garbage. It's almost unbelievable how bad it sucks.
Completely talentless. Pathetic noise that doesn't even deserve to be called music.

And this comes from someone who loves raw BM like old Darkthrone, Hellsaw, Taake, Summoning's "Lugburz", Winterdemons, Battle Dagorath, Spirit Of The Forest, old Immortal, old Bathory, Ulver's "Nattens Madrigal", old Satyricon, etc.
----
"Why would we fear death, when life is so much more frightening?"
Loading...
29.03.2011 - 11:38
J. N.
I just listened to "Wandering The Wilderness Of Eternal Misery" for a few minutes, and... It was like sitting at the kitchen sink or a kebab restaurant listening to the meat grinder. It was, pretty much, the same sound.
----
Demetrius: Villain, what hast thou done?
Aaron: That which thou canst not undo.
Chiron: Thou hast undone our mother.
Aaron: Villain, I have done thy mother.
- William Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus: Act 4, Scene 2 (1593)
Loading...
01.01.2012 - 17:59
Boxcar Willy
yr a kook
Written by Warman on 28.09.2007 at 17:46

I gotta hear this!

i was thinking the same thing
----
forever bummed out
Loading...
01.01.2012 - 20:46
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist
Written by Boxcar Willy on 01.01.2012 at 17:59
i was thinking the same thing

If you're still trying to get into black metal, this is really not a good place to start.
----
Prettier than BloodTears.
Loading...
01.01.2012 - 20:48
Boxcar Willy
yr a kook
Written by Troy Killjoy on 01.01.2012 at 20:46

Written by Boxcar Willy on 01.01.2012 at 17:59
i was thinking the same thing

If you're still trying to get into black metal, this is really not a good place to start.

if its bad i have to hear it.

with the exception of lulu, i have yet to hear a track off of it yet.
----
forever bummed out
Loading...
01.01.2012 - 21:19
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist
Written by Boxcar Willy on 01.01.2012 at 20:48
if its bad i have to hear it.

I personally don't mind Striborg, but it's far from something I'd recommend to people trying to get into black metal.
----
Prettier than BloodTears.
Loading...
04.10.2013 - 14:19
Stalker
Lone wanderer
"It is not atmospheric, it is stratospherically boring."

Hahhaha, well, at least the review is great. You made me laugh my ass off
----
Loading...
02.11.2015 - 23:32
Jaeryd
Desert Mouse
I'm only judging from the first few minutes of Wandering the Wilderness of Eternal Misery, but it doesn't sound too bad. The production values are probably the most horrible I've ever heard, but it's not unbearable. While I don't personally find it to be as incredibly awful as this review states, I don't really find it particularly interesting, either. I'm sure if I listened to the whole album, though, I'd probably want to kill myself by the end.
----
"It is not your sin—it is your self-satisfaction that crieth unto heaven; your very sparingness in sin crieth unto heaven!

Where is the lightning to lick you with its tongue? Where is the frenzy with which ye should be inoculated?"

Loading...
27.07.2016 - 03:19
no one
Great album! i bought this one the other day.

love how much people hate it too
----
nobody
Loading...

Hits total: 5496 | This month: 33