Band:	Five Star Prison Cell
Album:	Matriarch
Style:	Nu metal
Release date:	June 2010

01. I Curse This Vessel
02. Book Of The New Sun
03. Empire Made Flesh
04. Swarm
05. Modus Operandi
06. Airsharks
07. Paramountain
08. Loss Of Gravitas
09. Buttercup
10. Forlorn
11. Dance Of Shiva
12. Lamia

Whoa, look at these long, smooth, beautiful legs! MMMmmm. And the hips - perfect proportion. Amazing, well rounded and perky breasts. I think I'm gonna ask her out! "Excuse me miss, would you like a...... OH SHIT!".

Butter face.

My experience with Matriarch, the latest album by Melbourne's stupidly-named Five Star Prison Cell, is sadly pretty much the same. Here is a band that has all the ingredients it needs to potentially become very exciting: how does a successful mixture of Faith No More, Candiria and Cephalic Carnage sound? Unfortunately, Five Star Prison Cell also has one huge flaw that I will get to in a moment.

The general modus operandi of the band on Matriarch is tech-math-grind overkill and Five Star Prison Cell are certainly good with their instruments. The rhythms switch between groove-laden mid-tempo stompers and high speed Dillinger Escape Plan nuttiness, all the while making room for the occasional grind blast-beat fest. The songwriting is pretty stellar throughout as well, with the melodic "Swarm" being the obvious highlight of the whole album and songs such as "Airsharks" and "Book Of The New Sun" being prime examples of a more grindcore direction. "Loss Of Gravitas" slows things down and "Forlorn" ventures into jazz. "Buttercup" is probably the most exciting track for me with its addictive start-stop riffing.

Sadly, as well written and performed as all of this is, Matriarch's success as an album is hindered by one huge, glaring flaw: the band's vocalist. Now, OK - I realize that there is not a whole lot Adam Glynn can do about having a similar voice to Mike Patton; however, at the very least he should avoid singing EXACTLY like Patton does. This includes most of the trademarks such as the rhythmic scatting, nasal funk crooning, etc. Without a doubt, this is an example of a completely shameless rip-off.

It is certainly possible to fall in love with an ugly woman and likewise, it is also entirely possible to enjoy the hell out of Five Star Prison Cell's music. Nevertheless, I simply can't get over that huge, bulging zit in the form of Adam Glynn's vocals. They stink like an unwashed armpit and with such an aroma, Five Star Prison Cell will never become a bona fide matriarch instead of being delegated to the role of the ugly duckling.