Rating:
4.0
Vampires Everywhere! - Kiss The Sun Goodbye
17 May 2011


01. Bury Me Alive
02. Immortal Love
03. Undead Heart
04. Ashes To Ashes
05. Kill The Chemicals
06. Bleeding Rain
07. Carnage At The Castle
08. The Embrace
09. Lipstick Lies
10. Children Of The Night
11. Call Out The Dead
12. Silver Bullet


If nothing else, Century Media should give themselves a big pat on the back for a great marketing opportunity they've snagged themselves here. The cinematic/literary masterpiece Twilight and it's subsequent followups really ignited some bizarre new world-wide love of vampires. While sales of Count Chocula have undoubtedly hit a huge spike, we have yet to see any strictly vampire-themed metal and/or metal related products hit the market. Of course we have various gothic bands that have definitely explored the theme of exsanguination, but there's no bands exclusively revolving themselves around the subject. That is, until this waste of time was created.

Too bad Vampires Everywhere! is to metal what Edward is to Nosferatu. Wussified and unthreatening. Unlike Twilight, Vampires Everywhere! isn't really bringing anything new to its form of media, for better or worse. Judging by the press release that went along with this album it's hard to say whether I'm an idiot for trying to review this on a serious level, and Century Media was just a little late getting their April fools day prank together, or this band is something that should be genuinely considered a musical entity. A lead singer who goes by the name of Michael Vampire who apparently considers himself to be an actual vampire really leads me to believe there is no possible way this isn't a joke. Maybe this man (yes, keep in mind this band consists of grown men) just came up with a creative excuse for his iron deficiency. I don't even want to fucking know.

Here's an unpleasant thought for you: This band will be huge. Brace yourselves and mark my words; teenagers are the most researched age group by any type of marketers. As a collective group, they dump the most disposable income into the economy every year. Couple this fact with a band that not only has a widely accessible sound, but also has that androgynous look that can really appeal to screaming teenage girls, while at the same time catering to the new juvenile fascination of vampires, what you've got is one helluva money machine.


.......



...Oh yeah! I forgot there was music...Screamo. Terrible, cringe-inducing screamo/metalcore. Think of an Escape The Fate/Bring Me The Horizon clone, slap on a goofy, yet incredibly marketable gimmick on top and you've pretty much got the idea.


Website: http://www.vampireseverywhere.com/


 



Written on 18.05.2011 by
Doc Godin
Former EIC, now semi-retired.
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Fat & Sassy! - 22.05.2011 at 19:12  
Written by Collin on 19.05.2011 at 13:04

The possibility that my daughter could be into that kind of stuff when she's a teenager is scaring the shit out of me.


Yeah. Good luck with that, dude. :/ I don't have kids, but this thought has crossed my mind when I think about the theoretical event of me having kids. I guess all you can do is passively expose her to the stuff you like and hope she develops a good taste in music. *shrugs*
Sulac - 23.05.2011 at 06:34  
My ex would love this... There's a reason I'm not too sad about the whole "ex" bit.
Doc Godin - 23.05.2011 at 07:54  
Written by Fat & Sassy! on 22.05.2011 at 19:12

Written by Collin on 19.05.2011 at 13:04

The possibility that my daughter could be into that kind of stuff when she's a teenager is scaring the shit out of me.


Yeah. Good luck with that, dude. :/ I don't have kids, but this thought has crossed my mind when I think about the theoretical event of me having kids. I guess all you can do is passively expose her to the stuff you like and hope she develops a good taste in music. *shrugs*

It's called aversion therapy, dude. You just beat your children savagely while blasting this in the background.
Fat & Sassy! - 23.05.2011 at 08:27  
Written by Doc Godin on 23.05.2011 at 07:54

It's called aversion therapy, dude. You just beat your children savagely while blasting this in the background.


Although this plan is brilliant, it'll take a stronger man than I to willing play this crap, regardless of my intentions for doing so.
DorianGray - 23.05.2011 at 17:52  
I think something just died inside of me ..
I dont know if its from laughing or crying ..

By the gods what a waste of time that I could have been listning to actual real music
jazar94 - 23.05.2011 at 18:21  
Written by Fat & Sassy! on 22.05.2011 at 19:12

Written by Collin on 19.05.2011 at 13:04

The possibility that my daughter could be into that kind of stuff when she's a teenager is scaring the shit out of me.


Yeah. Good luck with that, dude. :/ I don't have kids, but this thought has crossed my mind when I think about the theoretical event of me having kids. I guess all you can do is passively expose her to the stuff you like and hope she develops a good taste in music. *shrugs*


Most humans just adapt their musical taste what everyone else likes when they're younger so they fit in. Therefore, if she sees you listening to metal all the time, she will probably like it. Ofcourse, nobody in my family listens to metal, so.. I'm the odd man out >:/ thus this theory is shit. Carry on.
Slayer666 - 23.05.2011 at 21:20  
Written by Doc Godin on 23.05.2011 at 07:54

Written by Fat & Sassy! on 22.05.2011 at 19:12

Written by Collin on 19.05.2011 at 13:04

The possibility that my daughter could be into that kind of stuff when she's a teenager is scaring the shit out of me.


Yeah. Good luck with that, dude. :/ I don't have kids, but this thought has crossed my mind when I think about the theoretical event of me having kids. I guess all you can do is passively expose her to the stuff you like and hope she develops a good taste in music. *shrugs*

It's called aversion therapy, dude. You just beat your children savagely while blasting this in the background.

I'm sure child protective services would look kindly upon this.
No, seriously, I'm not being sarcastic. Protecting children from shit like this by any means necessary is what social services should be all about.
snake? snaaaake! - 11.06.2011 at 03:21  
Don't worry about having kids after this album, your balls should drop right off within minutes of listening.
qlacs - 17.07.2011 at 12:50  
Omg I checked out their video... it hurt!
ravendeath - 18.07.2011 at 01:27  
I think that these vampires drink too much coca cola...
Mr. Cheeky - 19.07.2011 at 00:29  
I just watch their music video.
I'm laughing so hard because
1) the video is fucking hilarious.
2) my throat is using laughter as a defense mechanism to stop any possibility of me hearing the music to prevent my ears from bleeding.
But still the possibility that this band will be huge in the near future is scaring the crap outta me.
Void Eater - 19.07.2011 at 08:26  
The first time I listened to this album, I was shocked. Not because it was perfect, now because it was a failure, but because I had trouble digesting all the emotion that had just hit me. This is, bar none, the most emotional piece of music ever recorded. Simply looking at the album cover gives you an idea of the journey that awaits-who are those people holding hands? Why is one of their hands bleeding? Is this simply a first date, or a farewell? They appear to be in a sort of gothic temple-is the male to reveal that he is in fact a vampire, and that this is his palace? Is he about to make love to his lover, in a location that bears importance to him? One cannot know.

After further listening of this album, all I can say is that is a complete masterpiece, far supperior to such classics as Powerslave and Ride the Lightning. Michael Vampire rips his heart out on those screams, sounding like a vampire being burnt in the sunlight while watching his lover make passionate love to another man. The melodies on this are amazing, they have an amazing sense of beauty yet have a heaviness to them that consistently knocks the listeners socks off. The band really knows how to use auto-tune as an instrument itself, knowing when to and when not to add those vocals-which, as they are sung by the always amazing Michael Vampire, manage to convey a sense of emotion, despite their mild 'fakeness', somewhat like a robotic pinocchio, striving to be a real boy.

You have a great amount of variety here also, songs such as The Embrace, which go at a moderate tempo, allowing the listener to get sucked into the gothic atmosphere, songs such as Immortal Love, where one can feel the distress of Michael Vampire's emotional distress, and songs such as Silver Bullets Don't Kill Vampires, with it's chugging riff that floors the listener with it's bone crushing heaviness before going into it's quasi-electronic chorus, showing that Vampire's Everywhere is also a very progressive band. The song Undead Heart may come across as overtly poppish to the mainstream, but the music perfectly complements the heartfelt lyrics, to meaningful for simple radio listeners to fully comprehend

Of course, the touching ballad Heart For The Heartless is the absolute masterpiece of the album-while many ballads come off as fake, and seem to only exist for the saking of attracting female fans, you can tell that this ballad is authentic, that the band is pouring their soul into the song. It's impossible to describe, but once you get it, the atmosphere becomes superior to heavy metal classics such as Hallowed Be Thy Name and Fade To Black.

Honestly, it's hard to describe how great this album is in mere words. This isn't a collection of songs, this is an experience. This is truly music from the deepest places in our hearts. This is the soundtrack to the diary of a heartbroken vampire. This is Kiss the Sun Goodbye.
Fat & Sassy! - 19.07.2011 at 09:28  
Written by Void Eater on 19.07.2011 at 08:26

somewhat like a robotic pinocchio, striving to be a real boy. .


I really enjoyed this metaphor of auto-tuning.

But I mean, seeing as how you seem to go to such great lengths in ripping on this band, I can't help but feel that you are a closet-case Vampires Everywhere fan. No need to hide your love, bro; embrace it.
Void Eater - 20.07.2011 at 07:47  
Written by Fat & Sassy! on 19.07.2011 at 09:28

Written by Void Eater on 19.07.2011 at 08:26

somewhat like a robotic pinocchio, striving to be a real boy. .


I really enjoyed this metaphor of auto-tuning.

But I mean, seeing as how you seem to go to such great lengths in ripping on this band, I can't help but feel that you are a closet-case Vampires Everywhere fan. No need to hide your love, bro; embrace it.

Nah, this band is just so easy to make fun of, and I was bored and felt like writing a review. Vampire based pop/metalcore. Just reading that description makes me smile.

I must ask though-If this band is on metalstorm, why is Bring Me The Horizon not on here? I'm not a fan of them, but their first album is far more metal than this.
Mr. Doctor - 28.07.2011 at 17:14  
Written by Void Eater on 20.07.2011 at 07:47

I must ask though-If this band is on metalstorm, why is Bring Me The Horizon not on here? I'm not a fan of them, but their first album is far more metal than this.


I've been asking the same for a long time as well since I know that some people from the staff say that BMTH is obviously metal.
Slayer666 - 20.08.2011 at 12:01  
Written by Void Eater on 19.07.2011 at 08:26

-Brilliant Review-

Step 1: Submit this as a review
Step 2: Rate it a 10
Step 3: Enjoy all the lulz at people flaming over it.
Step 4: Congratz on becoming this site's greatest troll reviewer, even surpassing ponderer.

Seriously, if you don't do it, I will.
Mr. Doctor - 20.08.2011 at 17:12  
Written by Slayer666 on 20.08.2011 at 12:01

Written by Void Eater on 19.07.2011 at 08:26

-Brilliant Review-

Step 1: Submit this as a review
Step 2: Rate it a 10
Step 3: Enjoy all the lulz at people flaming over it.
Step 4: Congratz on becoming this site's greatest troll reviewer, even surpassing ponderer.

Seriously, if you don't do it, I will.


Won't work. Because it will be obviously something you tried just to get a laugh so no one will really get offended unlike on the Enslaved review.
Even less if you wrote those steps and I try post them in the very first comment on that review of yours as a warning so everyone will know that is just some lazy try at getting some people to flame each other so I'llask them to not post on your review at all...
Slayer666 - 20.08.2011 at 18:50  
Written by Mr. Doctor on 20.08.2011 at 17:12

Won't work. Because it will be obviously something you tried just to get a laugh so no one will really get offended unlike on the Enslaved review.
Even less if you wrote those steps and I try post them in the very first comment on that review of yours as a warning so everyone will know that is just some lazy try at getting some people to flame each other so I'llask them to not post on your review at all...




Didn't realize you were such a buzzkill, there, Monsieur Doc. It doesn't matter though. I'll write a troll review sometime when you least expect it.
Mr. Doctor - 20.08.2011 at 18:54  
Written by Slayer666 on 20.08.2011 at 18:50

Didn't realize you were such a buzzkill, there, Monsieur Doc.


Trolling the trolls is far more satisfying than trolling the masses considering how most trolls think high of themselves.
Slayer666 - 20.08.2011 at 18:58  
Written by Mr. Doctor on 20.08.2011 at 18:54

Written by Slayer666 on 20.08.2011 at 18:50

Didn't realize you were such a buzzkill, there, Monsieur Doc.


Trolling the trolls is far more satisfying than trolling the masses considering how most trolls think high of themselves.

Haha, damn straight!
You won this one.
BoxCar Willy - 20.05.2012 at 22:31  
Written by Void Eater on 19.07.2011 at 08:26

...

Submit that as a review

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