Slayer destroys Tallinn - death toll 200,000 and rising (01.07.08)


Event: Slayer
Written by: destroyah
Published: 03.07.2008

Galleries:

Slayer in Tallinn by martsepp (6)


Disclaimer: The following review contains ethically sketchy comments about the indigenous peoples of Papua, lesbians and women as a species in general. I would like to take this opportunity to remind people who may find this offensive of the following - if you can't take a hit, stay out of the pit and if you can't take a joke, then you are an idiot.





There are a lot of things that can get a man down but surely enough the main ones must be:


1. the inability to consume alcohol due to certain social obligations and…

2. Kuru


On that particular Tuesday morning I was more concerned with the first menace and less worried about the illusive strain of a New-Guinean virus. The prospect of not being able to not not consume alcohol wasn't at all a not scary one. There - either I just pulled off a quadruple-negative or just sounded plain retarded, or possibly both, in which case I must be the Grand Architect of the Universe who, according to legend, is omnipotent.


To rephrase the above paragraph in a more rational manner - I couldn't drink as I had to be working the next day.


There were other problems - I had wasted all my money at Hard Rock Laager '08 and even though I had managed to earn some funds back during the days between the festival and Slayer's gig, I had succeeded in wasting it all again primarily on tobacco and other similar substances, making my lungs cry out in despair and my brain very, very happy. Still, all was not good in Pleasantville. Looking down at the piece of paper before me I noticed I had scribbled down the following statement:



COCK



The emphasis was abundantly clear. I knew I had meant business.


Still, I consoled myself with the thought of seeing Slayer in a few hours, for the first time ever and possibly the last, since rumors about the band splitting up after the next album were circling around me like a bunch of Great Whites around a carcass of a morbidly obese sperm whale. I knew I had to take in as much as I possibly could from this gig but the question was - could I manage it sober?


I thought about this for a second.

I took a sip of beer.

I thought about it again.


I reached for my wallet and to my surprise it still packed a considerable punch. There was now only one thing I could do - I called at work and told them that unfortunately I would be unable to attend to my duties the following day on the account of me getting very drunk, very soon.


As human beings, they understood.

As employers, they protested.


But it was too late. As soon as I cut them off I rang up a couple of friends and confirmed my possible presence at a small Slayer afterparty and intoned that the possibility was getting more real by the second. I peeked at the clock on the wall - it's hands formed a worrying angle. I grabbed my jacket, sprinted out the front door and left my Slayer songlist playing steadfast and loud, to great discomfort of my neighbors.

Now, the Estonian Exhibitions Hall is, despite it's utterly ridiculous name, a rather good place for gigs. That is to say, it is big. I gazed at the gathering crowds as a few friends of mine provided me with some help in drinking my beers - an effort on their part which was largely unappreciated by yours truly. Human Ground, set to warm the crowds up for Slayer served as a small warning sign - the sound was not exactly brilliant. I didn't stick around to see them either on the account of having seen them before on manyer occasions. They are rather good, but their main attraction is a growling female vocalist, which is cool in my book. Women can do anything they want, as long as they'll sit quietly in the corner, and not vote.

With a roar of thunder (which coincidentally may indeed have been actual thunder) the crowd greeted the stage technicians, working on last minute preparations and setting things up for Slayer. I decided I needed to get a little closer to the stage. I was tired and un-drunk (yet not fully sober), so I decided not to get too close, nor in anybody's way. I settled down at a reasonable distance from the stage and promised myself I would stay there.


My brain implied that I could get a little closer if I really wanted to, since there still was enough space. So I did.


The audience erupted as „Darkness of Christ" announced Slayer's unholy presence. I felt I needed to get a little closer again.


By the time, „Disciple" kicked in with incredible force, I was already in the middle of the moshpit, fighting off the hordes of Nobody In Particular and having a bloody good time at it. It was awesome. Exactly how awesome, you may ask? I was surrounded almost exclusively by sweating men who were either wearing leather or hardly anything at all - and yet I couldn't have been more happy if I were stranded on the isle of Lesbos with a gazillion bi-curious lesbians. Cause while lesbians are surely one of the most ingenious inventions of the modern man, they can't shred for shit. Kerry and Jeff however, can.





I'm not entirely sure as to when did I go airborne for the first time during the gig, but by the time „Raining Blood" was unleashed, I had surfed the crowd three times, two of which ended up with me crash landing behind the security barrier. To further illustrate the awesome awesomeness of the gig, I fought my way back to the pit on both occasions, that despite the dramatic lack of oxygen, survivable temperatures and other factors necessary for sustaining human life in front of the stage. But what else was I to do. The setlist was impressive - „Mandatory Suicide", „Die By The Sword", „War Ensemble" and „South of Heaven", to name a few.

It was actually only on the next day when, upon looking at the photos and video footage of the gig I realized how laid back and calm Slayer had been on stage. There was nothing excessive about their performance, their sole purpose was to destroy all humans in their immediate vicinity. I imagine the folks at the back may have been slightly disappointed by the lack of movement. Although I must add, the guys didn't seem old and tired - in fact, their matureness was even invigorating. They seemed to radiate the kind of reverence only the Great Old Ones could.





By the time „Angel of Death" spread it's wings and with a ghastly scream announced the imminent Apocalypse in the Exhibitions Hall, I was soaking wet. Even though I was properly beat up and dog tired I still craved for more. Slayer had completely annihilated the place.


Furthermore, it had inspired me. It had inspired me to call in sick the next day.


I reckon it must've been around six o'clock when I finally made it back home safe and relatively sound. I knew that what I had just seen had been the „Gig Of The Still Very Young Year", there was no question about it. I could tell judging by the grinning, albeit exhausted faces of the Slayer crowd that I wasn't the only one. Foolishly, I had thought just before the concert that no-one, not even Slayer, could shake off my veil of weariness from all things routine. I had been gravely mistaken and I couldn't be happier about it.

There I was - wrecked, tired and satisfied. There was no point in going to bed, so I decided to wait til I passed out. Suddenly I noticed a small piece of paper lying on the desk, the word on which had voiced my mood the previous day. With a swift motion I grazed it with a pen. It now looked like this:



COCK






Images courtesy: Mart Sepp / http://www.delfi.ee/



 


Comments

Comments: 24   Visited by: 263 users
03.07.2008 - 23:31
Baz Anderson
Hahaha, such an entertaining read.
It sounds more like the first set I ever saw Slayer do, which just blew me away as well - so impressed when I didn't expect to be.
Hellfest this year they were slightly disappointing though playing most of the new stuff. Sounds like you got the good setlist! Hahaha.
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03.07.2008 - 23:57
ylside
This is exactly the sort of Concert Reviews I enjoy...
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04.07.2008 - 00:17
Promonex
Cathemeral
Kuru isn't transmitted by viruses, but by sub-viral particles called prions. Despite of this grave mistake of yours this was a rather entertaining read. It inspired me to book a flight to Lesbos.
----
All life begins with Nu and ends with Nu... This is the truth! This is my belief! ...At least for now.
- The Mystery of Life, Vol. 841 Ch. 26
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04.07.2008 - 00:24
Tod_Engel
The review was fun to read. Thank you, destroyah!
And the Slayer concert blew me away and still does.
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04.07.2008 - 00:47
Valentin B
Iconoclast
lol at the triple negation, i spent 2 minutes trying to figure out what the fuck you said and then saw it explained 3 lines below

but i don't really understand. apart from the insane guitar playing and drumming, i heard that Araya almost never talks to the crowd. they just play and play on and then they leave?
----
Sing me a song, you're a singer
Do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil.
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04.07.2008 - 01:27
albatros
I enjoyed reading this
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04.07.2008 - 03:22
Lucas
Mr. Noise
haha cool review man. sounds like my first Slayer experience: in hindsight the band may not have been that active or special, but during the concert.. such fuckign ecstacy!!!! seriously, i cant even remember what songs they playd (without doubt the usual though), i felt like on a fucking intense xtc/lsd-combination trip. awesome.
----
SLUDGE. DOOM. DEATH. Wait, what?

"The reason I'm running for president is because I can't be Bruce Springsteen." - Barack Obama
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04.07.2008 - 06:52
BitterCOld
Gringo
fucking fantastic review, man, fantastic.

last time i saw Slayer, it was at the Mesa Amphitheater in, well, Mesa (Phoenix), Arizona - right by a nice, slightly upscale hotel. (incidentally, also where i saw them and their Live Invasion gig was filmed0

imagine the destruction rained upon you rained upon us in similar fashion, in an open aired venue with thunder and lightning in teh distance...

then imagine dozens of drunk and battle-scarred Slaytanic Wehrmacht Shock Troops all moving back to the slightly upscale hotel... and rubbing elbows at the bar with pie-eyed businessmen - then looking at fellow vets and screaming the obligatory...

"SLAYER!!!!!!!

Those guys are fucking ancient, but still bring it like no one else can.

great read and thanks for reminding me of my numerous past SLAYER!!!! shows.
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get the fuck off my lawn.
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04.07.2008 - 11:06
Ivan
Admin
Awesome review, dude! I saw Slayer just a couple of days earlier, and they were amazing. I'm not such a big fan, so the plan was to watch for half an hour and then skip the rest. Instead, I ended up being glued to the spot for all 1.5 hours, headbanging and thoroughly enjoying the kick-ass performance.

SLAYERRR!!!
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04.07.2008 - 11:46
destroyah
supercharger
Thanks guys! The show was great indeed, it absolutely tore the place apart.

Btw. they mainly focused on the earlier stuff so... fuck yeah!

I gotta catch them again asap.


WAR SUPPOOOOOORT!!!!!
----
About me:

"The best out of all the people ever" - Washington Post

"We abandoned Christ for Destroyah's love!" - The Watchtower

"Simply amazing!" - Rolling Stone
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04.07.2008 - 17:06
Ivor
Staff
Man, excellent review. You make me feel bad for not coming after all. But I think I wouldn't have survived the gig and last experience of Slayer wasn't promising anything for me really. Once again though, excellent writing, reading Douglas Adams has done only good for you.

I.
----
No friends for playing games
No foes who scorn my name
Computerized machines of steel and rust
/---/
No friends in my house on Mars
No foes in my house on Mars
I was born in my house on Mars
I will die in my house on Mars
-- Ayreon - My House on Mars
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04.07.2008 - 22:10
Ernis
狼獾
I love your reviews.....too bad I can't write as good....anyhow, how was it even possible for you to take photos if you were crowdsurfing (and the waves just parted before you as before Moses....)?
I myself was completely sober while Slayer and happy with it....just like Ivan thought we'd stay there for half an hour and one moment discovering the fact we've been there for a lot more....
I'm glad I've seen them even if I amn't any fan or something...
Angel of deeeeath!
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Go ahead, make my day...
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05.07.2008 - 00:41
destroyah
supercharger
Written by Ernis on 04.07.2008 at 22:10

I love your reviews.....too bad I can't write as good....anyhow, how was it even possible for you to take photos if you were crowdsurfing (and the waves just parted before you as before Moses....)?
I myself was completely sober while Slayer and happy with it....just like Ivan thought we'd stay there for half an hour and one moment discovering the fact we've been there for a lot more....
I'm glad I've seen them even if I amn't any fan or something...
Angel of deeeeath!



I didn't take the pics I got em from a photographer at Delfi.
----
About me:

"The best out of all the people ever" - Washington Post

"We abandoned Christ for Destroyah's love!" - The Watchtower

"Simply amazing!" - Rolling Stone
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05.07.2008 - 16:13
Smurfophagist
now this is a great fucking review.
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Having a signature is an absolute must.
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06.07.2008 - 00:04
Darkside Momo
Retired
Sure, I like the way you write.
And you were lucky, compared with us at Hellfest (where they really seemed to be Great Tired Old Ones)
----

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" - Ray Bradbury

"I've lost too many years now
I'm stealing back my soul
I'm awake now"
Abney Park (Letter Between A Little Boy & Himself As An Adult)
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06.07.2008 - 02:29
Warman
Erotic Stains
Sounds awesome! I wanna see Slayer again!!!
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06.07.2008 - 14:06
Ivan
Admin
Written by Darkside Momo on 06.07.2008 at 00:04

Sure, I like the way you write.
And you were lucky, compared with us at Hellfest (where they really seemed to be Great Tired Old Ones)

Nah, I think you were just overfed with great bands at Hellfest
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06.07.2008 - 16:05
AnarChrist
hahahahaha, this review is hilarious
i saw Slayer twice in a span of 3 days, the first time (in Tuska) they really blew me away, but the second time in Tallinn it didn't have the same effect, propably because the setlist was almost totally the same and when Araya spoke with the crowd, he even used exactly the same words, so there was no moment of surprise whatsoever
the other bad thing was total lack of decent moshpit, the one during the Tuska gig was just BIIIIIIIIIG, wait, actually it was even bigger
finns beating estonians in moshpitting? how come?
----
oh my fucking god, fucking dinosaurs
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06.07.2008 - 16:22
destroyah
supercharger
Written by AnarChrist on 06.07.2008 at 16:05

hahahahaha, this review is hilarious
i saw Slayer twice in a span of 3 days, the first time (in Tuska) they really blew me away, but the second time in Tallinn it didn't have the same effect, propably because the setlist was almost totally the same and when Araya spoke with the crowd, he even used exactly the same words, so there was no moment of surprise whatsoever
the other bad thing was total lack of decent moshpit, the one during the Tuska gig was just BIIIIIIIIIG, wait, actually it was even bigger
finns beating estonians in moshpitting? how come?


You're right about the pit - ours was really small. Which was a shame - but it was fun nonetheless. Plus it was actually the latvians who really contributed most to the pit so kudos to them!
----
About me:

"The best out of all the people ever" - Washington Post

"We abandoned Christ for Destroyah's love!" - The Watchtower

"Simply amazing!" - Rolling Stone
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06.07.2008 - 22:25
Darkside Momo
Retired
Written by Ivan on 06.07.2008 at 14:06

Written by Darkside Momo on 06.07.2008 at 00:04

Sure, I like the way you write.
And you were lucky, compared with us at Hellfest (where they really seemed to be Great Tired Old Ones)

Nah, I think you were just overfed with great bands at Hellfest

ha ha, yes and no in fact. Yes for many great bands. But no, because Slayer played two songs, then stopped for a few minutes (all lights shut). This for the whole show. And Araya wasn't at his best.
Sure, Slayer, even tired and not really convincing, are a war machine, but last year it was impressive. Not this time.
----

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you" - Ray Bradbury

"I've lost too many years now
I'm stealing back my soul
I'm awake now"
Abney Park (Letter Between A Little Boy & Himself As An Adult)
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06.07.2008 - 23:57
SlaytallicA
Lycanthropy
Sh*t! Good writing man!!
----
One Pound Of Flesh, No More No Less, No Cartilage, No Bones, But Only Flesh...
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08.07.2008 - 23:40
thaurer
nice experience.
but in less than 24 hours its my time to my so highly expected slayer show.

nice text man.
m/

"Cause while lesbians are surely one of the most ingenious inventions of the modern man, they can't shred for shit. Kerry and Jeff however, can. "
AHAH
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14.07.2008 - 09:16
Black Mass
Great review dude. Slayer ripped the Horden Pavillion in Sydney to shreds when they were here last year. The opening beat of the drums in Raining Blood made my blood curdle and nothing could have prepared me for the pit that I knew would be Un-Australian not to go in....and nothing prepared me for the fractured ankle and brusied ribs I received as a result of. But nevertheless I made it to the end of the gig, limped home, and when I finally took my boots off the next day (passed out as soon as I saw my bed) I knew I'd had an awesome fucking time.

Seriously hope Slayer come to Australia again before they call it a day.
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15.07.2008 - 03:39
Promonex
Cathemeral
Written by Black Mass on 14.07.2008 at 09:16

...and nothing prepared me for the fractured ankle and brusied ribs I received as a result of.

Bruised ribs are about the worst thing you can get in a pit. The injury ain't that bad, but whenever you get a hit to the sternum the pain is just so damn paralyzing that it forces you to back out until the pain relieves. Fun-killer #1! Other than slam-dancers. And bouncers who are instructed to prevent any moshing.
----
All life begins with Nu and ends with Nu... This is the truth! This is my belief! ...At least for now.
- The Mystery of Life, Vol. 841 Ch. 26
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