101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 05.01.2007

 
9.4 | 129 votes
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.
5. Always make sure to over represent the genre you love the most, but secretly like Unearth.
6. Post the same thing in multiple threads.
7. When you buy an album, be sure to not only post in the "last album you've acquired" thread, but also make a post in the "last album you've listen to" thread and the appropriate band's thread.
8. Oh, and you must include a picture of it.
9. Or else no one will believe you.
10. You can never post the same thing too many times.
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
12. In various threads such as the "Serious Discussion" thread, make your posts as long as possible.
13. The ideal length should be about the size of a short novel.
14. Only smart people make long posts.
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
16. To enhance your credibility, make your text large and bold. People will really believe you then.
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.
25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl….with delicious strawberries mixed in.
29. If you are a guest reviewer, only review your favorite album and make sure to give it a higher rating than it deserves.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.
38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
40. Act like you're a veteran of Metal Storm when you actually have only been on for less than a year.
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.
43. Be a hypocrite.
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in.
45. But you actually post in Metal-Archives all the time.
46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
47. But never listen to them.
48. Remember, nothing should make sense in the shout box.
49. Unless it's a happy birthday shout.
50. After you give a happy birthday shout, remember to also post in the happy birthday thread. Remember, repetitiveness is key.
51. You must use a smiley in the happy birthday thread.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
53. Think that metal is the only suitable style of music.
54. But secretly listen to Elton John.
55. That's right, you know you like him.
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.
62. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
63. All Children of Bodom albums deserve a 10.
64. Except for the newest.
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
69. Post in threads you know very little about.
70. But hide your lack of knowledge by using big words.
71. And of course, spell the super big word wrong.
72. So now you really look smart.
73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!
77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam 
87. But be sure to welcome them in the appropriate thread in order to boost your post count.
88. Don't bother to read the FAQ's.
89. Instead, make sure to create a thread about a question that's already been answered.
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore.
91. You are far too metal to be listening to that stuff.
92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.
93. And while you're in a bitchy mood, why not complain about the MS server being slow?
94. Post that a certain band is the greatest band everrrrrrrrrrr even though 2364626 people already have done so.
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.
98. Secretly be Christian.
99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless.
101. If you are a traitor and actually thinking about leaving MS, be sure to make a thread about it. You really need the attention and we all enjoy reading them.




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Faux Owns - 16.01.2007 at 20:40  
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
Reverse psychology 'aye?
dark-1988 - 17.01.2007 at 13:45  
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
Too true.

78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
On my "To Do List"

38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.


Great 101 rules. All fun in there own tr00 way. lol
Lioncourt - 18.01.2007 at 16:10  
Too many "be more br00taL than..." -rules.

Otherwise nice.
Samuel - 21.01.2007 at 06:57  
rule

102 Have no life... There is a reason you spend most of your time in a thread...

you have nothing better to do. =[

did that kill it =[ I havent been on in like half a year and I was like shit how come i have so many posts?

I had no life.
Xtreme Jax - 27.01.2007 at 17:14  
Written by Dangerboner on 10.01.2007 at 01:11

Thanks again everyone. Next up....101 Rules of Rap

Cant wait to see what this one going to be like
borninblood - 27.01.2007 at 17:28  
lmao, only new here but funny as hell.
+{Jonas}+ - 29.01.2007 at 21:34  
Awesome!

I must add one:
Rule 103: Feel happy for Linak and Blackgir.
Mariela. - 29.01.2007 at 23:54  
Good one, I'm gonna follow the rules from now on! just need to remember them first^^
iMPERiAL_iCE - 02.02.2007 at 17:57  
add this too:
103- Alwayz bitch about the moderators (especially Wrathchild) banning you for spaming.

this would kick ASS.
wrathchild - 02.02.2007 at 20:46  
Written by iMPERiAL_iCE on 02.02.2007 at 17:57

add this too:
103- Alwayz bitch about the moderators (especially Wrathchild) banning you for spaming.

this would kick ASS.


Actually, that would kick your ass
Lucas - 02.02.2007 at 20:57  
Hehe, you got owned there.
iMPERiAL_iCE - 03.02.2007 at 13:33  
me got pwnd
Immortal Plague - 06.02.2007 at 05:46  
Dude, i sadly do alot of the stuff on there, i hope you wernt talking about me
Eight - 15.02.2007 at 10:39  
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.

So not true, im not gay, and im allways drunk - its really hard to find right buttons on keyboard... so im not quite spree posting while i see 2-3 monitors before me
Bulus - 15.02.2007 at 20:19  
haehehehhe

43. be a hypocrite

hwakakakkahahahhahhhahaaahhahhahahahahahahahhhaha
Danny Thomas - 25.02.2007 at 12:25  
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.

ok, yea, i'll admit it, i gave a lot of the iron maiden albums(minus the ones with blaze at vocals, im sorry, he sucks) a 10, but hey, i only did it because 1) iron maiden is amazing and 2) the metal god's love iron maiden and would send lightning to strike at me if i gave their albums a 9. and don't even think about an 8 or less, that results in instant death from Odin mortal kombat fatality style.
algus316 - 26.02.2007 at 03:20  
you forgot "hate CoB Britney's cover" xD

75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

I'm from Chile and I speak spanish, me entienden ??
Toolshed - 27.02.2007 at 04:08  
Hehe,its funny a lot.

Rule 56

It happened few times...I was drunk as hell,and come on net,to see 196 rules of doom metal cause there is so many times drunkeness mentioned
W-Lash - 03.03.2007 at 16:12  
Oh fuck, this one fucking ownz! Now i have understood that my life on MS forum has gone wrong. I don't visit 'Welcome Newcomers" post to gain more posts, i don't visit Serious Discussions and i haven't started listening Elton John. But i will change!



Rule 102: don't argue about drinking with Kariasakis7. Everything he says about drinks is 100% right and doesn't need to be prooved. heh
PrettyMao - 07.03.2007 at 21:15  
Regarding No. 54....

Sir Elton John has some awesome songs.

C'mon, "Benny and the Jets", "Saturday Night's Alright (for Fighting)"...

Plus those glasses of his are mega-cool!! I am creaming in my pants right now!
HeathenBlood - 08.03.2007 at 10:33  
No.20...its correct..hehe
Doc Godin - 09.03.2007 at 01:31  
Man I wish rule 56 was a valid excuse for getting out of bans and stuff.
Asitis - 10.03.2007 at 01:34  
I love metalcore.
Just so you know.

(im I a hypocrit now?)
+{Jonas}+ - 11.03.2007 at 03:39  
Quote:

20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.

Damn right.
Eight - 13.03.2007 at 10:49  
Written by +{Jonas}+ on 11.03.2007 at 03:39

Quote:

20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.

Damn right.

Darn it, i've lost one point of being a metal stormer on this one
Hembrom - 02.04.2007 at 13:28  
Awesome , pyroleprechaun

Funny as hell
APOHAKC - 03.04.2007 at 17:39  
haha, it is real good...

clap, clap, clap !
|Angela| - 03.04.2007 at 23:50  
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere

You had to throw this one in as well hadn't you!

Hard to be more brutal than Paris Hilton reading a book though! Anyway Elton John is totally tr00 kvlt and necro lol. Hilarious anyway
>DeStRoYeR< - 05.04.2007 at 05:15  
20. Yeahhhhhhh Up to Irons!!!!!
I think that, this 101 rules will be an important part in life of every metalstormer!!!

Hail to maker of ours way of life, to pyroleprechaun:banger::banger2:
skully - 09.04.2007 at 09:09  
Reading these rules made me think, why I´m here?:noidea:But now I know!!!!:yes:I hate to be normal places and this is the right place for me!!!:banger2::devil:
duyhung - 22.04.2007 at 09:59  
I like these ones,quite funny
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless

About rule #100,it seems like i'm doing this
Opium - 23.04.2007 at 17:08  
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.

Just re-read this list and I'd have to say these are also brilliant!
-DC-002- - 28.04.2007 at 06:54  
Wow, that was really boring. and i like unearth.....but trivium does suck ass
(s)A!N† - 28.04.2007 at 18:57  
Written by -DC-002- on 28.04.2007 at 06:54

Wow, that was really boring. and i like unearth.....but trivium does suck ass


lol i agree with the trivium bit ...
but boring nah just plain stupid on most of them .. but still funny like

rule 77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
that ones for me ...
Dane Train - 08.05.2007 at 21:20  
Question: How can I argue with myself in the Christianity thread?
Xtreme Jax - 09.05.2007 at 08:07  
Written by Dane Train on 08.05.2007 at 21:20

Question: How can I argue with myself in the Christianity thread?

Hahaha, Claaaasssssiiiiicccc!!
Doc Godin - 16.05.2007 at 03:27  
Quote:
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.


Keeping these rules in mind always helped me with my reviews, seriously, every time I write a review I think of these rules, keeping the sarcasm in mind that is.
Lathronniel - 19.05.2007 at 14:46  
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
))))
orathac - 08.06.2007 at 16:47  
OMG they all great hahha i cant stop laughting !!
i do the half of them :D:D:D:D
Cah - 14.06.2007 at 15:17  
hehhhehe....great 101 rules
Ernis - 15.06.2007 at 00:45  
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.

83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.


....I'm not sure if I want to know how these two things may look like being done.....but it would be interesting....
Ellrohir - 15.06.2007 at 10:41  
i follow 54 and 97

but i don't like Maiden and Children of Bodom :O)
Abattoir - 16.06.2007 at 16:00  
hehe...realy great rules ...laughable as well
Elodie Artour - 25.06.2007 at 21:19  
LOL. Everything was cool except for this line:
99.Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
Hamird - 07.07.2007 at 17:03  
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.

theese two are the best ones
Hembrom - 26.09.2007 at 13:56  
Written by Guest on 14.02.2007 at 18:39

92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.

Anyone who is really a metalhead should be happy about that, it's so pathetic that siteand has the worst reviews, and the biggest moron who knows nothing of metal - Ultra Boris who knows so little of metal that his reviews are good for nothing but a laugh eh


Oh really ?

MA is the best metal website for basic info of the band , they have HUGE database .... it hardly matters that some of the reviews are lame and childish but its OK.

MA Forum's status is way kvlt. I love both of them , MS is much organized and synchronize not in MA case.

Just my opinion.
Olli - 30.09.2007 at 22:16  
lmao that was great, especially the brutal rules
BurbotsRevenge - 11.10.2007 at 12:01  
hilarious!!!

41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.

lol damn straight!
Woutjinho - 12.10.2007 at 18:40  
this figures out why people are like that around here....
selken - 16.10.2007 at 22:58  
#104: use the shoutbox only for these two reasons:
- Posting something about penises
- Complaining about people who do that

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