101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer



101 Rules of Being a Metalstormer

Posted by: Dangerboner
Date: 05.01.2007

 
9.5 | 131 votes
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
2. Say an album is perfect and that there is no room for improvement, but rate it an 8.
3. Or say an album is decent and point out its faults, but rate it a 10.
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly.
5. Always make sure to over represent the genre you love the most, but secretly like Unearth.
6. Post the same thing in multiple threads.
7. When you buy an album, be sure to not only post in the "last album you've acquired" thread, but also make a post in the "last album you've listen to" thread and the appropriate band's thread.
8. Oh, and you must include a picture of it.
9. Or else no one will believe you.
10. You can never post the same thing too many times.
11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.
12. In various threads such as the "Serious Discussion" thread, make your posts as long as possible.
13. The ideal length should be about the size of a short novel.
14. Only smart people make long posts.
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
16. To enhance your credibility, make your text large and bold. People will really believe you then.
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
19. You aren't tr00 unless Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are your favorite bands.
20. Iron Maiden and Children of Bodom are the best bands everrrrrrr.
21. Proofreading is untr00.
22. Be sure to overuse words such as tr00, necro, kvlt, etc.
23. Always make sure to have a picture in your signature that's too big at least once.
24. Name as many bands as possible, even when it's unnecessary.
25. The more bands you know, the cooler you are.
26. Never like a band's newest album.
27. Their old stuff is always better.
28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl….with delicious strawberries mixed in.
29. If you are a guest reviewer, only review your favorite album and make sure to give it a higher rating than it deserves.
30. Also, only rate albums that you like, and give them a 10.
31. When voting in a poll in a thread, vote for something even though you haven't heard most of the bands/albums in the poll.
32. And be sure to admit it.
33. Proper punctuation is definitely not tr00.
34. Actually, the more illegible, the better.
35. Be as random as possible in the shout box.
36. Always include some sort of saying or poetry in your profile or signature that doesn't make any sense.
37. As long as it's abstract, you're automatically an open-minded person.
38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.
39. Tell people you've been listening to metal for many years, but you're only 15 years old.
40. Act like you're a veteran of Metal Storm when you actually have only been on for less than a year.
41. Be sure to take a picture of yourself while wearing the most br00taL or tr00 band t-shirt you have.
42. So that means hide your Trivium shirt in your closet.
43. Be a hypocrite.
44. Make sure you tell people that Metal Storm is the best forum out there and that it's the only forum you post in.
45. But you actually post in Metal-Archives all the time.
46. Make sure to have a picture of a band member, logo, or album of an underground band in your signature or avatar to make you look super cool.
47. But never listen to them.
48. Remember, nothing should make sense in the shout box.
49. Unless it's a happy birthday shout.
50. After you give a happy birthday shout, remember to also post in the happy birthday thread. Remember, repetitiveness is key.
51. You must use a smiley in the happy birthday thread.
52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.
53. Think that metal is the only suitable style of music.
54. But secretly listen to Elton John.
55. That's right, you know you like him.
56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.
57. Spamming is only an excuse if you're drunk.
58. But it's still not really an excuse.
59. You can never post enough if you're drunk.
60. Unless you're a gay drunk.
61. Then please don't post at all.
62. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
63. All Children of Bodom albums deserve a 10.
64. Except for the newest.
65. Every Iron Maiden album deserves a 10.
66. Except for the ones without Bruce Dickenson
67. And their newest.
68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.
69. Post in threads you know very little about.
70. But hide your lack of knowledge by using big words.
71. And of course, spell the super big word wrong.
72. So now you really look smart.
73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!
77. Be sure to never read anyone else's posts and post the same thing that everyone else has done already.
78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
81. Be sure to name your screen name after your favorite band, followed by "666."
82. If you're a female metalstormer, be sure to have the word "angel" in your screen name somewhere.
83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.
84. Be sure to stereotype every genre you dislike.
85. But be mad when people stereotype genres you like.
86. Dislike n00bs. They spam 
87. But be sure to welcome them in the appropriate thread in order to boost your post count.
88. Don't bother to read the FAQ's.
89. Instead, make sure to create a thread about a question that's already been answered.
90. As a metalstormer, you must hate metalcore.
91. You are far too metal to be listening to that stuff.
92. Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down.
93. And while you're in a bitchy mood, why not complain about the MS server being slow?
94. Post that a certain band is the greatest band everrrrrrrrrrr even though 2364626 people already have done so.
95. Add a band that you just heard to your favorite bands list, even though you barely know their music.
96. Don't let the fact that MS is a metal forum fool you. Take special time to mention how bad your life is in the other threads. As fellow metal-heads, we all care about your problems.
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.
98. Secretly be Christian.
99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.
100. Waste countless time earning community points, even though they are completely useless.
101. If you are a traitor and actually thinking about leaving MS, be sure to make a thread about it. You really need the attention and we all enjoy reading them.




Comments page 2 / 9

Comments: 268   [ 1 ignored ]   Visited by: 1932 users
07.01.2007 - 03:29
ThunderAxe1989
Irreligious
Written by hanna of steel on 06.01.2007 at 23:22

I don't know if I fit in with many of the rules , but you made me laugh.

Can someone plese tell me what kvlt means


it means 'Cult'

anyway, very well done. some of it actually made me laugh a little haha. I've been looking forward to this from when you shouted about it in the shoutbox. Nicely done.
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07.01.2007 - 10:50
FOOCK Nam
4. Use big words as often as possible to make yourself sound smart, but spell them wrong and be sure to use them incorrectly
14. Only smart people make long posts
15. When proving a point, always be sure to overemphasize certain words by making the letters all capitalized.
27. Their old stuff is always better
LMAO!!!!
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07.01.2007 - 12:19
Paganblood
The Aryaputra
97. Argue with Hemlock in the Christianity thread.


Yes, I've been arguing with him ever since I joined MS. What does Hemlock think of this?
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that which shines without names and forms...
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08.01.2007 - 12:03
Eight
Shapeshifter
Thats so funny becouse thats so true
*extra useless post, yay!*
----
Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God."

Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged."
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08.01.2007 - 22:00
werama willow
Account deleted
FUCKIN br00tal!!! haha
im a fuckin christian but ill kick any ones ass who fuckin desurves ist just like those pussy ass emo, scence, metalcore, and straight up kids...

IRON MAIDEN IS THE BEST!!!!!! deal with it bitches.

now, to go get fat from and
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08.01.2007 - 22:20
RavenLord
Haha...I've actually noticed that I follow a lot of these myself. The best one has to be the Paris Hilton one...plain hilarity



Oh, and....CAPITAMALISE random DISCOBOMULATIONS!
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08.01.2007 - 22:22
BloodTears
ANA-thema
lol that was really funny. And although several ppl said it before i need to say again. its so true!
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29

Like you could kiss my ass.
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08.01.2007 - 23:15
GT
Coffee!!
This just SAVED my DAY!!! Now I can go on with listning to CoB so I can be kvlt and tr00

Hmm...a very short post...I'm not smart then
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Dreams are made so we don't get bored when we sleep
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09.01.2007 - 02:59
Bitch Boy
XD
Fucking masterpiece!!!


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09.01.2007 - 03:53
Doc Godin
Obnoxious
75. Even if you don't speak English, be sure to constantly post.
76. We will magically understand you!

Bahahahaha! those two are awesome

56. If you're drunk, make sure that Metal Storm is the first place you go.

Is there anyone on Metalstorm who isnt guilty of this?
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"I got a lot of really good ideas, problem is, most of them suck."
- George Carlin
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09.01.2007 - 17:32
ASiema113
First off Kudos for the post, you made the eternal hate within subside for about 1 minute, but I overcame this by throwing in some Dying Fetus and putting on "Kill Your Mother, Rape Your Dog" so everyting is as it should.

These were some of the one's that I thought were the highlights of this fine post:

11. Be more brutal than a grandma doing porno.

28. Be more brutal than a semen-filled Jell-O bowl….with delicious strawberries mixed in.

52. Be more brutal than farting in a hot tub.

68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book.

83. Be more brutal than a fat dude doing jumping jacks while wearing nothing but a thong.

99. Be more brutal than someone with cerebral palsy trying to tie their own shoe.

I give this post a 9 out of 10 on the Brutality Meter:










BRUTAL
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Written by Guest on 18.01.2008 at 09:05

People are always at their very best when they're dead.
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10.01.2007 - 01:11
Dangerboner
:D
Thanks again everyone. Next up....101 Rules of Rap
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10.01.2007 - 01:30
spirit_inblack
harshhead
Heh, gave me quite a laugh Pyro. I encourage you to continue the brutal (br00tal) saga.

68. Be more br00taL than Paris Hilton trying to read a book ~ quite hilarious
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11.01.2007 - 16:52
werama willow
Account deleted
wow, that is pretty great. and i think i already put a comment on this up but oh well this is another one... hah... shyeah so uh man.. i dont know there are some pretty funny words and rules and what not up there and to tell the truth. IRON MAIDEN is my favorite band but i dont like there new album. and its the same with many bands like that. there new albums just arent as great as the old ones but eh. but i still have respect for them and there music because its ont easy.
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11.01.2007 - 17:46
Sunioj
All this is a summary of my time at MS
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11.01.2007 - 19:18
{aud}devil
Lush McGee
Fucking genius!!!! But can I still listen to Elton John?
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Awesome sauce, chicken boss!
Laugh until it means something
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13.01.2007 - 08:39
X-pert74
Account deleted
Most of these I thought were good, but I definitely laughed at 73. Post "RIP" every time you mention Chuck Schuldiner's name.
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14.01.2007 - 23:13
Damnated
Churchburner
74. Instead of waiting for the page to load your post, hit the "post reply" button 27 times so that you flood the page with the same posts.
genious.

and I also like Be sure to complain that the Metal-Archives server is down. I do that all the time. infact, I'm going to shout it right away.
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Blessed is he that murders Christ in himself and in his fellow men.



Written by TheBigRossowski on 10.02.2009 at 16:01

if my wife and I can't conceive, I want a medical shipment of your sperm so our baby will be just like you.
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15.01.2007 - 03:35
Arian Totalis
The Philosopher
About rule #5, I openly like Unearth
As a matter of fact, I openly Like Metalcore! I think I'm the only MSer who Does But trivium Still Fucking sucks.

I suppose I am one of those that writes the short Novel posts as well lol. And man, you have to make a mark on someone for your username to be brought up in a 101 rules post (Hemlock) But how True!
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"For the Coward there is no Life
For the hero there is No Death"
-Kakita Toshimoko

"The Philosopher, you know so much about nothing at all." _Chuck Schuldiner.
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15.01.2007 - 12:21
Bararey
Winter is Coming
You've made my day

It is the most boring/slow day at the office and this made me laugh, thank you
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"Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died."
Ser Jorah Mormont
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16.01.2007 - 20:40
Faux Owns
Account deleted
1. Don't follow the rules of posting.
Reverse psychology 'aye?
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17.01.2007 - 13:45
dark-1988
Account deleted
17. You aren't tr00 unless you hate Trivium.
18. Remember, Trivium fucking sucks.
Too true.

78. When making fun of someone, open their profile and look at their favorite bands list.
79. You'll always find good material there.
80. If not, then just insult their age.
On my "To Do List"

38. Use one of the banger smilies as often as possible.


Great 101 rules. All fun in there own tr00 way. lol
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18.01.2007 - 16:10
Lioncourt
Too many "be more br00taL than..." -rules.

Otherwise nice.
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Think twice before you buy furr! http://www.strasbourgcurieux.com/fourrure/
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21.01.2007 - 06:57
Samuel
Hamster wheel
rule

102 Have no life... There is a reason you spend most of your time in a thread...

you have nothing better to do. =[

did that kill it =[ I havent been on in like half a year and I was like shit how come i have so many posts?

I had no life.
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27.01.2007 - 17:14
Xtreme Jax
Psycroptipath
Written by Dangerboner on 10.01.2007 at 01:11

Thanks again everyone. Next up....101 Rules of Rap

Cant wait to see what this one going to be like
----

Hellcunt Smurf
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27.01.2007 - 17:28
borninblood
Account deleted
lmao, only new here but funny as hell.
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29.01.2007 - 21:34
+{Jonas}+
I R Serious Cat
Awesome!

I must add one:
Rule 103: Feel happy for Linak and Blackgir.
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"Nobody wants to be the weird kid, you just end up being the weird kid. You don't know how you ended up getting there" - Rob Zombie

http://jonas-bs.deviantart.com My dA, mainly photography, go check it out!
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29.01.2007 - 23:54
Mariela.
Account deleted
Good one, I'm gonna follow the rules from now on! just need to remember them first^^
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02.02.2007 - 17:57
iMPERiAL_iCE
Weeping Heart
add this too:
103- Alwayz bitch about the moderators (especially Wrathchild) banning you for spaming.

this would kick ASS.
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The older I get.........The faster I was

Smurfilator -- back when Smurf Metal existed :'(
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02.02.2007 - 20:46
wrathchild
Written by iMPERiAL_iCE on 02.02.2007 at 17:57

add this too:
103- Alwayz bitch about the moderators (especially Wrathchild) banning you for spaming.

this would kick ASS.


Actually, that would kick your ass
----
La belleza no reside en lo que puedas crear, sino en lo que eres capaz de transmitir
Beauty resides not in what you're able to create, but in what you're able to communicate


Txus, Mägo De Oz
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