Almost Finished

Its almost finished
Story what I write about life and doom
About wedding day and bride whit out smile and weddig dress

Its almost finished
Melody what Im playing about love and hate
About wind who shood blow me away, but it makes me stay

Its almost finished
A Farytale what you telling about me and trust
I always say a truth but Im still liar

Its almost finished
Life what Im living inside in my own sombre cave
My tears and smile are my key to eternity and peace

@whats_a_cow: I am enjoying the crisp imagery .

Inside
vacuum pushing me out
I fight it
I don't　want to
am not ready to
come out into the
real world.

Justice

Where is justice?
When you fall in love, but died the next day
You thought, she's heaven sent, but she burned your wings

Where is justice?
You want to see daylight, but cannot find the exit from your tomb
You try to find a new home, but there is desert sands a million miles around

Where is justice?
When you are sleeping, sleeping and nobody even cares
You try to die, but nobody wants to let you go

Where is justice?
You have some friends, but even they don't remember your name
You find diamonds and they remember the place where are you staying

Where is justice?
Life, you try to make it happy
But the story always ends with tragedy!

Nice two K7, can say maybe I like the first more,

Written by Zombie on 31.07.2010 at 00:02

I only wrote one poem in my whole life, but its pretty embarrassing to post it ..

Post it, dude . What you said would trigger more others wanting to see.

Very deep and emo yeah, is that true story of something ? cuz the pic..

Only came across this thread today. I've written plenty of poetry in my day, but I'm not very fond of it. I'm working on maturing in terms of content, and ever looking for inspiration outside of my pessimism...


Here goes my latest:

The Weight Of The Ocean

Infected trees surround the dead
My hands tear at the leaves
Broken wings spill to the ground
Tidal shame redeems the breeze
We keep feeding the disease to starving roots
They weep for life above, below the ground
Beneath these boots

I love Poetry, but I don't like writing emo stuff. My style revolves around historical events and characters, Fantasy, literature, and humor.

I even keep them in a little collection book I call the Book of Lies Pt. II.

I wrote this one as a tribute for my cousin who passed away a bit ago.

Dancing off to Paradise

I never feared what came after me
Nor am I concerned.
I worried not the dark things
For as long as I could learn

That thing is coming after me
The thing in the black cloak
He holds his hand out to me
Like depicted in common folk

I put on my dance shoes
I'm ready to take my stand
I'm dancing with the Reaper
Off to never never land

Don't worry or cry
This was meant to be
I'm dancing off to Paradise
Don't come after me.

It is very deep and abstract. I would keep it

When you feel you're alone in world and you have no motivation;
Close your eyes, you have a powerful imagination.

If you are a rich man or you live in indigence;
Be aware of this, it'll be a big experience.

there are so many problems
in different measures in your state;
but don't let them destroy your fate.

Stand up with confidence;
say goodbye to hopelessness;

the situation isn't same for anybody.

Don't see yourself low;
the life is in flow;

This is a fact,
everything for nobody.

Hell Besides You

Hell Besides you, I choose mortality .
In eternity, you can drown in your own tears .
Trying to wash the sins away, with tears that fall like acid rain .

Hell Besides you, I choose mortality .
In eternity, you can hide in a cold cold place, but still you are melting .
Never knowing why and what is under this stone cold ground .

Hell Besides you, I choose mortality .
In eternity, cool summer breeze will still howl in your face .
And you will freeze in time like a forgotten grave under an ancient gravestone .

Hell Besides you, I choose mortality .
In eternity, a pain can make you see the truth .
And you will wish get your life back and live it like your elders taught you.

Hell Besides you, I choose mortality.
In eternity, ''demon'' kiss can hurt your pride
And you scream out loud , alone, and want to give away your immortality

Written by [user id=41780] on 05.08.2010 at 23:38

When you feel you're alone in world and you have no motivation;
Close your eyes, you have a powerful imagination.

If you are a rich man or you live in indigence;
Be aware of this, it'll be a big experience.

there are so many problems
in different measures in your state;
but don't let them destroy your fate.

Stand up with confidence;
say goodbye to hopelessness;

the situation isn't same for anybody.

Don't see yourself low;
the life is in flow;

This is a fact,
everything for nobody.

refined

Written by FOOCK Nam on 07.08.2010 at 19:18

Written by [user id=41780] on 05.08.2010 at 23:38

When you feel you're alone in world and you have no motivation;
Close your eyes, you have a powerful imagination.

If you are a rich man or you live in indigence;
Be aware of this, it'll be a big experience.

there are so many problems
in different measures in your state;
but don't let them destroy your fate.

Stand up with confidence;
say goodbye to hopelessness;

the situation isn't same for anybody.

Don't see yourself low;
the life is in flow;

This is a fact,
everything for nobody.

refined

Thanks
that was the lyric of my song EVERYTHING FOR NOBODY but just the part 1 of it.

Dude, post the part 2 up, I feel I like this new lyrical theme, simple but philosophysical in it own way.

Sweet Lady In Black

Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of death
Standing in the rain, trying to wash black away
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of lies
Sitting in the box, watching how sunshine dies
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of pain
Dancing on the grave, making people insane
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of rain
Playing with toys, don't care about children in pain
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of sin
Sleeping with the devil, when angels are watching
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of hate
Kissing preist who lost his faith
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of death
Smiling at rain, can't wash black away
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of the end
Doing the things that make this story end

Please Forgive Me

Please Forgive Me
For that cold winter night in 1985
When I came , I didn't ask , but you made me come alive
Now they say they bring only sunshine, I bring only rain

Please Forgive Me
I remember only sorrow and pain, not one single moment of happiness that we once shared
The time in a grey cold autumn night , when we slept under stars , you made me smile
Now in pain I even can't find a way to cry

Please Forgive Me
That I didn't die for you
You try search for millions in my soul
Rejecting truth you take out all the dust from a hole in my soul

Please Forgive Me
That I tell the truth about your friends beck in 1996
Bleeding out, dying from knife wounds in my arm
But you can only deny it ever have happened and evil existed even then

Please Forgive Me
I didn't kiss death beck in 2001
You still make me cry , even when I choose wisely
But I'm still afraid of sleeping alone in darkness

Please Forgive Me
Because I didn't jump into water beck in 2004
Didn't swim into eternity, didn't fly with angels
And now there is only pain since forgiving is a sign of weakness and death

Please Forgive Me
When I tryd to talk about thinks beck in 2009
Atcing like you dont care, you trapped me in eternal silance
Learning how start talk again, it is so hard , since Im so shy

Please Forgive Me
Than in raging war Im still alive
Bullets fly, and I still can not die
I feel pain in my heart, and I still feel mortal

Please Forgive Me about the talks in 2010
About meaning of all things that tear us apart
Since I'm a liar without a soul and feelings
And to weak to open the gates to eternity

Written by Kasper on 31.01.2010 at 15:14

Hey guys. It's a small poem I have written for an english assignment I have to make for wednesday. I have never done any poems before, and I just wrote it 5 mins ago.
In the two last verses the beginning letter of each line spell out "Be Yourself".
Our subject is about personalities etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to hear your thought about it, whats bad, whats good?

When I am old I shall fly on my wings.
To wherever it me brings.
The things I did not do,
will I later be able to do.

Not with my body, but with my mind.
Timewarp from present to past.
Up the stairway to change my path.
Uplift the lost soul I once was.
Reincarnate as the one I truly am.


Become the adventurer.
Everything a mystery.

Youth spent finding myself.
Over sea, over land.
Under rock and dirt.
Reading the signs to guide my life.
Seek the power to change.
Evoke the inner soul.
Liaise with mind and body.
Forever becoming the true I.

Well after a long absence, I have returned, but it will be a slow start back. I am still working 2 jobs, which is the reason I was absent for so long. I see that I have been missed, and I do appreciate the kind words. Since 17 pages was a bit much for me to try to read through, I merely read through the last 2 pages. I'm sure I missed out on some wonderful poems, but what's a busy person to do. If anyone wants an opinion on a particular poem for a particular reason, I will try my best to review them. I'm sure I may not be as good as I once was, but what I read has given me inspiration. I have been unable to write very much in several years, with the exception of a couple of poems. I will try to post one or two of my older ones that were not posted before for your reading pleasure. I've missed this thread and hope that, by simply letting you know my humble opinion, you will be inspired to continue writing. Poetry is an expression of the soul and of feelings that might not be expressed otherwise. It is pure art from the deepest of depths, and I hope that you all will continue in this venture if for no other reason than your personal satisfaction and ability to deal with the pain and beauty of life in whatever form you live it.

Now, on to at least one poem in which the artist specifically requested an opinion...

The first stanza is really something. It invokes a feeling of the classics, with varying images of the sky and of simple surroundings while growing old. The language is quite whimsical and delightful. The last line, though, I personally would have left off the word "do" and put a question mark at the end rather than a period. It just seems to me to fit the rhythm in my head better. This may, however, be different for you...

The second stanza was done quite well also. I felt strength from the words and the 'uplifting' you spoke of was quite literal in the sense that my soul felt lifted the images and feelings being communicated.

Become an adventurer
Everything a mystery

Your teacher probably loved these. They are a bit generic, though something that would go well on a poster with inspirational sayings. It is at this point that the poem begins to sound a little forced, probably due to the letters you had to start with, however, you didn't do bad at all, considering what you had to work with...

This part of the last stanza was my favorite:

Youth spent finding myself.
Over sea, over land.
Under rock and dirt.
Reading the signs to guide my life.

The imagery here was spectacular actually and I loved the choice of words. There is actual feeling here and that is very important.
The last part feels absolutely forced, although I liked the word 'liaise' for some reason. It just tickles the intellectual in me somehow lol... All in all, not bad. You should possibly attempt some more poetry and this time without the forced wording. You may be surprised at what you write.

I will try to post a little more when time permits. There were some very good poems on these last two pages. To Bad English, one of yours actually caught my attention and I would enjoy very much telling you my thoughts on it. You did very good on that one. Good job!

At any rate, I will take my leave for the moment and try to return soon. Take care all and keep up the good work.

Raging Dreamer

Written by Raging Dreamer on 26.10.2010 at 07:44

At any rate, I will take my leave for the moment and try to return soon. Take care all and keep up the good work.

Raging Dreamer

Wellcome beck, nice to see old faces here

Written by Raging Dreamer on 26.10.2010 at 07:44

Well after a long absence, I have returned, but it will be a slow start back. I am still working 2 jobs, which is the reason I was absent for so long. I see that I have been missed, and I do appreciate the kind words. Since 17 pages was a bit much for me to try to read through, I merely read through the last 2 pages. I'm sure I missed out on some wonderful poems, but what's a busy person to do. If anyone wants an opinion on a particular poem for a particular reason, I will try my best to review them. I'm sure I may not be as good as I once was, but what I read has given me inspiration. I have been unable to write very much in several years, with the exception of a couple of poems. I will try to post one or two of my older ones that were not posted before for your reading pleasure. I've missed this thread and hope that, by simply letting you know my humble opinion, you will be inspired to continue writing. Poetry is an expression of the soul and of feelings that might not be expressed otherwise. It is pure art from the deepest of depths, and I hope that you all will continue in this venture if for no other reason than your personal satisfaction and ability to deal with the pain and beauty of life in whatever form you live it.

Now, on to at least one poem in which the artist specifically requested an opinion...

The first stanza is really something. It invokes a feeling of the classics, with varying images of the sky and of simple surroundings while growing old. The language is quite whimsical and delightful. The last line, though, I personally would have left off the word "do" and put a question mark at the end rather than a period. It just seems to me to fit the rhythm in my head better. This may, however, be different for you...

The second stanza was done quite well also. I felt strength from the words and the 'uplifting' you spoke of was quite literal in the sense that my soul felt lifted the images and feelings being communicated.

Become an adventurer
Everything a mystery

Your teacher probably loved these. They are a bit generic, though something that would go well on a poster with inspirational sayings. It is at this point that the poem begins to sound a little forced, probably due to the letters you had to start with, however, you didn't do bad at all, considering what you had to work with...

This part of the last stanza was my favorite:

Youth spent finding myself.
Over sea, over land.
Under rock and dirt.
Reading the signs to guide my life.

The imagery here was spectacular actually and I loved the choice of words. There is actual feeling here and that is very important.
The last part feels absolutely forced, although I liked the word 'liaise' for some reason. It just tickles the intellectual in me somehow lol... All in all, not bad. You should possibly attempt some more poetry and this time without the forced wording. You may be surprised at what you write.

I will try to post a little more when time permits. There were some very good poems on these last two pages. To Bad English, one of yours actually caught my attention and I would enjoy very much telling you my thoughts on it. You did very good on that one. Good job!

At any rate, I will take my leave for the moment and try to return soon. Take care all and keep up the good work.

Raging Dreamer

Wow did not expect such a reply - thanks!

And you're absolutely right about the forced thing - the last lines are definitely "forced", I had to come up with something and the first letter had to fit.
My teacher actually had the same kind of cricitism as you gave me - and I am kinda proud, since it's my first poem.

Maybe I should spent some time writing some stuff when I feel for it

Written by Bad English on 10.09.2010 at 21:25

Sweet Lady In Black

Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of death
Standing in the rain, trying to wash black away
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of lies
Sitting in the box, watching how sunshine dies
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of pain
Dancing on the grave, making people insane
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of rain
Playing with toys, don't care about children in pain
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of sin
Sleeping with the devil, when angels are watching
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of hate
Kissing preist who lost his faith
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of death
Smiling at rain, can't wash black away
Sweet lady in black,, you are bringer of the end
Doing the things that make this story end

To Bad English, thank you so much for your kind words.

This poem was really something, with intense visuals and cold cold feelings of darkness. I highly enjoyed reading it. The only thing that I would improve, and I know it would be difficult for anyone who does not speak English as their native language, so it is completely understandable as to the reason, I would add in the word 'the' at certain instances. If you ever wish to publish this, please feel free to contact me and I can edit it to add in these articles in the proper places without changing the poem itself. Aside from this, it's a wonderful poem. One thing, though - you shouldn't feel like you have to rhyme so much. What matters is the feelings portrayed. But this one caught my attention for sure, as did "Hell Besides You". The only thing I really suggest on that one is to remove the 's' from Besides, since besides has a slightly different meaning than what you had intended. These two poems have the artistic spark that really gets my attention. Good job on them! Keep posting whenever you find the time to write. I will try to come here as often as I my schedule permits and read them.

I'll try to review a few more poems from the last two pages before posting one of my own. I owe you guys that much. There were quite a few really really great ones on these pages. We have some really talented artists for sure! Keep up the great work everyone!

Raging Dreamer

Raging Dreamer - Thank's I remeber you from old good days , I miss Torelli to, because this tread is sortha dead whit out analises, ;(

Avout english and grammer, its eb hard belive me, and I wrote it in wooden box, I was sitting and try write man in a box, but could not do it so then I herad a accstic melody in my head and it came in my mind, its all story abdout hell besides you, it was when I thought what would be better die and live eternal life there, or stay here somethiung like vampire or higlander, and see how all world changing

I think I need start whit explanation , I was writing ''Im alone again'', but I didnt like title, so I to cool my brains look in MA, and I found band Die Toten Kehren Wieder Mit Dem what in english means The dead ones return with the wind ... so I simply stoll a title


Die Toten Kehren Wieder Mit Dem Wind

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In tomorrow's bloom, elders coming from the other side
In wastelands far away, young man wonders, then he understands

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In autumn wind , leaves cover the sleepless man
Is my journey over, or it just beginning ?

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In deep sleep, never ending sorrow is going away
But I don't understand how can it be? I'm not dead, but I'm not alive

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
Through raven's eyes, I see revenge has been done
No tears in ''beloved'' eyes, only the raven can bring me beck

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In mournful corridors, no one is calling me back
After a hundred years , you can't steal my home in eternity

Written by Bad English on 29.10.2010 at 01:30

I think I need start whit explanation , I was writing ''Im alone again'', but I didnt like title, so I to cool my brains look in MA, and I found band Die Toten Kehren Wieder Mit Dem what in english means The dead ones return with the wind ... so I simply stoll a title


Die Toten Kehren Wieder Mit Dem Wind

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In tomorrow's bloom, elders coming from the other side
In wastelands far away, young man wonders, then he understands

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In autumn wind , leaves cover the sleepless man
Is my journey over, or it just beginning ?

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In deep sleep, never ending sorrow is going away
But I don't understand how can it be? I'm not dead, but I'm not alive

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
Through raven's eyes, I see revenge has been done
No tears in ''beloved'' eyes, only the raven can bring me beck

I'm alone again, waiting until the dead return with the wind
In mournful corridors, no one is calling me back
After a hundred years , you can't steal my home in eternity

Well, since yours was the last one posted and the first one I came across tonight, I'll start with this one and then try to do one more before heading off to bed. It's 3am and I finally got some peace and quiet to concentrate!

This is an amazing poem, and even though you ripped off a band name , I highly enjoyed this one! First stanza, I am totally enamored with the phrase 'in tomorrow's bloom'. That's just an amazing choice of words and it brings such a fresh, crisp picture to mind of the morning, with its dew and light reflecting through it, with the crisp, chilled air raising goosebumps on your arms and legs. Just the whole feel and sense of morning all around. Simply remarkable! I would word the next phrase slightly differently, to read "Elders come in from the other side". The next sentence, again, I love the visuals it invokes: In wastelands far away. I love those kinds of desolate visuals that come to mind, but that's just me hehe... Again, the next phrase I would adjust ever so slightly to read "a young man wonders, then he understands". All in a single letter and English article. But overall, not bad at all aye?

The next stanza you continued with the atmospheric power of words with the man being covered by leaves. In my part of the US, it would be slightly warmer during this part of the day, and a bit windy, so it would be an absolutely comfortable day, good for laying around on the ground and getting covered with leaves, just like your character in this line! Is my journey over, or is it just beginning? I love this question of eternity. It makes you think, really, and wonder what exactly does happen after you die. Good thought provocation!

The next stanza again raises the question of our existence after death, and causes me to imagine what it would be like to 'wake up' separated from the body. The stanza after this turns the poem darker, though I love the thought of seeing things from an aerial perspective, through the raven's eyes. The last stanza brings cold to the dark, and in essence, brings the poem full circle, from a bright, crisp morning, to the warm wind against your skin, to the cold and dark of death and the tomb, wandering endless corridors of bemusement, from which no one can make you leave.

Really an excellent poem. Great job on this one! You should pat yourself on the back! Keep up the good work! I'll post this and then review one more poem before the night closes the shade on my attention span, sprinkling my ever weary eyes with sleep.

Written by Nexus on 09.01.2010 at 19:54

Found this lying around. I like this, for one reason or another, although the beats don't match, as they usually don't when I write things quickly. Besides, I usually find more authenticity behind these pieces as they're things that come off the top of your head, without having the chance to be manipulated by improvements to make it look more sophisticated.

Torrential cries torch the ageless skies
Creating ruptures through sheaths of dank colour
Impregnating the dark clouds with endless lies
They engulf the heavens with the bearing weight of mindless fodder

This distilled world now fated to degenerate into what we have become

These screams of torment are left unheard
Fall upon deaf ears, they are left for the birds
Silently, blindly, or willingly unknowingly
They erupt whole universes, claiming all diversity

Devastation eviscerates the barriers between space and time

This aphotic sky ...
becomes the concrete under our feet ...
... the thickness of the absence of colour --
the density forces so much pressure
It illicits an unbearable heat
Unrelenting ...
It wholly suffocates to sever

Incapacitated by this disruption
Epiphanies project themselves through these manifestations
These embodiements that cut through this consolidated sky
Concocted by, and to serve as our untimely demise
Ethereal, what I have envisioned
Only now for it to become our collective, distorted vision
Creates a rip through the layers of sky
The ceramic dome splits and cracks
Its forced consistency breaks
As it shatters its weeping sighs
The crimson it bleeds -- a sharp contrast to the dullness which hath created it

The murky liquid laces itself to us
Dissolves the protection of our skin
Only now to await the inevitable
Now that it has begun

I could not agree with you more about things changing with the emotion of the poem when you try to refine it. My best poems usually come within about half an hour or so, and if I try to go back and smooth things out, it just tends to get a bit messed up sometimes, though not always, but it does get frustrating lol... Of course, we are always most critical of our own works, aren't we?

On to your poem, which I found to be an amazing invasion of atmospheric chaos entwined with hellish visualisations. This I like!
The first stanza was like gazing up at a blood-red sky filled with dark clouds, a crack in the very matrix of the heavens. I could almost hear screams of anguish and shouting coming down, just from the power of the words.
The next line, all alone, is like a pronunciation of punishment upon humankind, and come forth with a strikingly authoritative tone.

The next stanza and its follow-up line goes further into the chaos, confirming the atmosphere the first stanza evoked in my mind. The screams become louder, the sky splits in two from the literal hell that has been created by this powerful poem.

In the following stanza, I love the visuals created by the description of an aphotic sky. Then suddenly everything gets turned upside down. The atmosphere becomes thicker, and you can almost feel the heat and choke on the fumes you are so masterfully describing.
The next stanza, where you talk about the epiphanies projecting themselves through the disruptions, It was almost as though I could literally see some sort of spirits breaking through the clouds, with the smoke trailing behind them, leaving a hole where they burst through. The figures are horrid, spelling doom to those who dare to look upon them. I love how you describe the protective layer of the earth as a ceramic dome, then break it like glass. When this happens, suddenly the screaming is realized, and it is emanating from us, or at least this is what I have envisioned from your words, and this seems to be confirmed with the last stanza, when the 'murky liquid laces itself to us". That is such a powerful description and unique in the way you have worded it. Then you leave us with food for thought in the last two lines. Such a stark judgment, such a horror-filled nightmare. One could only hope to awake from such a thing, but what if it were real?

You've really brought a wholly monstrous vision to the imagination, and have captivated your audience very well. This is an awesome poem. You should be very proud. You are a truly talented sorcerer or words! Keep up the good work. I look forward to any future poems you may decide to post.

Well it seems that I shall need to get some rest now. Work was murder tonight and I must recuperate. I hope to be able to review a few more poems for you guys very soon. Reviews may begin to get a little shorter in the coming weeks, but this is by no means an indicator that your poems are less worthy. We've got some really really superb poets in this thread and I hope you all will continue to post, and if not, then at least keep writing for yourselves. Poetry is a very important avenue for the release of emotion and artistic venture, and you all do it so well.

Until next time,

Raging Dreamer

Raging Dreamer - Well rip of bands name is not a crime because there planty same titled poems whatever whit sane mane, and I liked how it sounds and german langauge gives to poetry like clensing it sonds so beautifull, and also menaing

1th well I try see dark, gloomuy, foogy feeld, in my head, also iageds about afterlife, dark forest ,etc and it came in my mind and about youg man, simply he understand he's dead , not all dead soulds undesrtand it thay think, thay are alive and keep living whit us...well a lot of discovery (haunting ) and docs about afterlife

All leaves are on ground here some rotten, its like you die near trea and wind covers corpes whit leaves and there nobody who found you....
---- generaly its about death, afterlife,where is eral life, I was lsitenbing Bathory and valhalla, living up in nordth what you see is darkness, harsh wether, and you look in west see a light and it somehow make you go to yourney, same deep forest sorounds you, nice place where walk, also you thinkk about valhalla, crossing rainbow bridge, and such thoughts + emotions,

First, my god i cant believe my thread i made in 2006 is still alive!
second, its good to see some of the old faces still writing here.
third, for the new folks, welcome, and thank you for posting poems and making sure this thread doesn't die.



i've kinda hit a real rough patch in life as of late. nothing i'm doing is going according to plan. everyone has given up on me. everything thinks i'm a disappointed, and even my closest friend, who is also my girlfriend isn't really helping my situation at the moment...but while i'm here, it has helped me write some great work. well, great in my opinion. i think my writing has matured a lot and is forming a lot of different layers, and depths to them....

anyways, heres something i wrote recently.


The Call Her Home...

memories of an old woman, and her wisdom
i ponder on even to this day.
upon her knee i listened
to her magical tales of worlds long gone;
she relived her colorful life just for me.
even with hardship, she rose her children to be strong,
who chased after busy lives, like bee hives,
and how she wished they would visit often.
collectively, her children came back
to the empty halls, to where they once called home,
where she departed alone.

i squeezed my mothers leg, with her tears raining on my head
as i asked her 'why is my mentor asleep?'
now i've grown to understand her teachings...

Written by Soliloquy on 31.10.2010 at 04:16




The Call Her Home...

memories of an old woman, and her wisdom
i ponder on even to this day.
upon her knee i listened
to her magical tales of worlds long gone;
she relived her colorful life just for me.
even with hardship, she rose her children to be strong,
who chased after busy lives, like bee hives,
and how she wished they would visit often.
collectively, her children came back
to the empty halls, to where they once called home,
where she departed alone.

i squeezed my mothers leg, with her tears raining on my head
as i asked her 'why is my mentor asleep?'
now i've grown to understand her teachings...

Wow! so good to see you on here again! I only recently came back but it seems well worth it and is good to be back.

Your poem is so filled with emotion. I almost wanted to cry at the end. While the wording is not the most eloquent in a couple of parts, you got your meaning across very strongly. It makes me think of my own grandparents and the stories they used to tell... I miss those days as I read this wonderful poem.

It's been a long time and I don't quite remember how you used to write, as it has been several years, but there is just so much feeling here that this quality cannot be ignored. Great job!

We all hit hard spots in life, but I hope you will be able to overcome this. It seems to be particularly harsh with so many people giving up on you. People really don't have the patience to see the whole story or even care to, but you need some stubborn resilience and it seems you have it in you. Don't give up on yourself even if everyone else has. Prove to yourself first and then them that you are a strong and worthwhile person. I've been in similar circumstances, though not exactly the same. Just take care of yourself and give your spirit what it needs, be that a vacation, a writing project, some other hobby, or maybe a move to a new location or a new job. Just give yourself the chance you need to grow and get past this. I can tell you that this effort will not be in vain. Just look at the power this poem had over me. It means you're good at something. Build on that and continue to persevere! I wish you the best, dear friend. Good luck in all things!

Raging Dreamer

Thank you raging dreamer! you signed up with a new account? i remember you having far more posts than just 9 . how've you been?

previously i used to write about politics, with a lot of gothic/romatic themes, with a heavy emphasis on historical backgrounds. even writing in archaic english to mimic Poe, Shakespeare, and old Threatre Of Tragedy. fairly dark stuff. but i'm moving away from that and filling in a more empathetic role, with a touch of feminism. not really feminism, but just issues/topic that deal more with women than with men. also, instead of historical background, i'm moving towards modernism:S

like this. i wrote being inspired by my girlfriends mom. my girlfriend lost her dad about 2 years ago. and her mom is just obliterated. coincidentally, patrick swayze died around the same time, and he left his wife all alone with no kids. and since they shared a fairly private life, her consequences were far sever ...so this was a result for it:

Working Titles: if i were a leaf / my lost brenard / abandoned puzzles

its been quiet a many weeks
since i spoke to that wretched man in white...
i still refuse to believe his words about you
how can they be true?

can you feel my hands trying to keep yours warm?
i've given all i can
yet your hands remain cold
like the rest of you...

blue never was a color i liked on you
yet helpless here i kneel
where i've been praying for so long
for your lips to return to their former self!

now i dont want to learn
how it feels to be alone
for you've always been there for me
you've always been there waiting...on the other side

i used to adore the 5p.m. commutes home
the three hour train ride,
an hours worth of driving
so long as i was coming home to you

but now i come home and i miss your face so
that smile, that long hug
those kisses that made me tremble
your eyes staring down at mine
i miss your celebrations

the many puzzels you created around you (like me)
seem to last and last
yet the only one i've ever made
crumbled when you left

my purse gets hevier by the day
for its filled with your belongings
that i cherish so much
i miss having you around me

i never leave our home
with out your jacket and your cologne
it keeps them predators at bay
or i tell 'em you're on your way

my love, my lost Brenard,
i hope you can find it in you
to forgive me for i wasted time
when i didn't have you in my thoughts.

is there someone here beside me?
i hear your voice call to me
i've felt you in the winter breeze
i've felt you all around

i feel your pressense all around me
these shadows on the wall, i feel you in the wind
your accompanying voice in my sleep
you guide me constantly

bet when you touch me through the wind
it reminds me of you treating me like a leaf
with your tree trunk like arms hoisting me sky high
only to reach the top cabinette, which you could have done yourself
you rose me to higher heights than i deserved
.....

it tore me to see the strongest man i ever knew
lying there stoic in the dimly lit room
to quote that wretched man who was dressed in white
"like that stubborn leaf during a winter storm, holding onto its brand,
you keep testing his stenght, as he hangs on for you"
as i curled up beside you
one last time.

i miss your warmth breathing down my spine
those soft kisses to my stomach
your thunderous strong voice
thank you for trying to keep me warm
you were as kind as the world allowed

my lost Brenard, i beg for forgiveness-
for i was being selfish
just to keep you hanging on for me
i prolonged sending my farewell.

the hardest words i ever spoke
still haunt me to this day
before i said i loved you
i whispered by your ear

"sweet leaf, my Brenard,
you can let go now, my love-
you can let go. fly- my leaf
you are free to land wherever you wish
but you'll always be deeply rooted into my life..."

On my road to nowhere

I'm a little child who's afraid of dying...
...afraid of living, I hide when heaven starts the rain
I know nothing stays forever, and sunshine brings soul pain
On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality

I'm a little child who's afraid of night...
...afraid of dancing with shadows, close hug burns like pyre
In the early morning hours, a song-less bird's morning serenades stops yesterdays fire
On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality

I'm a little child who's afraid of life...
...afraid of reality, there are millions of eyes to choose from
Easy flirt in moonlight, seems daylight will never come
On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality

I'm a little child who's afraid of strangers smile...
...afraid of smooth dance in spotlight, I don't want be a ''star'' of masquerade
On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality

I'm a little child who's afraid to give a life....
...afraid of seeing faces getting older, I know time brings deadly doom
Diamond tomb, or pet cemetery be our last room
On my road to nowhere, I found edge of sanity, my reality

@ Soliloquy, dude! You gotta stop that, making me cry and all. I'm brutal... BR00TAL I tell ya! (Tries to hide the fact that of crying). Dammitt man, the pure emotions coming through this... well I'd call it more of a story than a poem. With the exception of a few distracting misspells and typos, I was gutwrenched in agony the entire time, glued to the words. You have really captured the feelings of this woman, as you had intended. Great job!

@ Bad English, seems your wording got a bit lost in trying to rhyme. I like the first and last lines of each stanza, and some parts of the lines are very good, but then the endings seem to get lost in rhyme. The meaning becomes frayed...The basic emotions are there, and it seems to be more of a reflective mood, just try not to focus too much on the rhyme. The last stanza was the best really, though I would have worded the first line a little differently, instead of 'giving a life' you would instead be afraid to 'let go', which makes a bit more sense and makes the stanza more complete. At any rate, overall the poem was an excellent attempt. Just try to focus more on the emotions, less on the rhyming, and then work just a little on the environment and visualisations once you've mastered the emotions. I know you've got it in you! I've seen the spark! Keep at it dear one! I look forward to your next post!

At any rate, I'm really tired from work tonight. I can't wait until I have a real day off from both jobs, but I'm trying to spend at least a little time here for you guys. Maybe soon I'll be able to write something myself. I can only hope, but one thing is for sure - you guys are inspiring me, and for that I thank you! I really miss having the time and concentration to write. It would mean so much to be able to do it like I used to years back. Writing is a part of me and I need it so desperately. I envy you even, dear ones, because you are able to write more often, while I have to fight to find even a moment for things I enjoy, even just the simple things. I'm just glad I can manage a few minutes to come here and review your poems, even if the reviews are somewhat short. Keep up the good work everyone... and keep writing! I am enjoying even these brief moments reading your art.

Raging Dreamer

Written by [user id=101272] on 03.08.2010 at 01:08

I love Poetry, but I don't like writing emo stuff. My style revolves around historical events and characters, Fantasy, literature, and humor.

I even keep them in a little collection book I call the Book of Lies Pt. II.

I wrote this one as a tribute for my cousin who passed away a bit ago.

Dancing off to Paradise

I never feared what came after me
Nor am I concerned.
I worried not the dark things
For as long as I could learn

That thing is coming after me
The thing in the black cloak
He holds his hand out to me
Like depicted in common folk

I put on my dance shoes
I'm ready to take my stand
I'm dancing with the Reaper
Off to never never land

Don't worry or cry
This was meant to be
I'm dancing off to Paradise
Don't come after me.

Ah what the heck! I'll do one more, since I've been wanting to comment on this one anyways. Bear with me if I don't make a lot of sense lol... I'm really tired!

This is a very beautiful poem and your cousin would be very honored to know you wrote this for him/her. The wording is perfect, even for a rhyming poem. I would only change one word- depicted BY common folk instead of IN. Everything else is quite lovely. This poem even has a mild classical tone to it, which I enjoyed, and the ending was so very perfect, like a final goodbye in honor of their journey, allowing them to let go and enjoy whatever future eternity has in store for them. Good job in honoring your family with this. I would like to hear more from you if you ever have the time, it doesn't have to be emotional poetry. I'm quite delighted to hear poems about history or what have you. Those are every bit as wonderful and worthy of being read, so feel free to let us read your take on things.

Raging Dreamer