Double-crossing Fools


Written by: Ivor
Published: 08.04.2012


While most of the MS staff were engaged in coming up with and executing an April Fools prank on the users, some of us cheating bastards decided we needed to up the game. As is said in a brilliant movie called Maverick, "there is no more deeply satisfying religious experience... than cheatin' on a cheater." And now you can help decide who of the users is worthy to get a T-shirt.

First of all, on behalf of everybody, thank you those of you who played along. There are over half a thousand of you that can be taken on a scouting mission, seriously. You're as discreet as a chameleon in a tree. Then there are some of you I would rather not take on a scouting mission. Mostly you mean well, but you're the ones that will sneeze at the stakeout at the worst possible moment. Cliché? Yes, but you had a hard time keeping your enthusiasm curbed. Our police force was hard at work to keep you muffled.

…and then there's gotta be a thick-headed conformist suck-up who not only cannot keep his mouth shut and his tongue behind his teeth but actually goes and lays all out at the feet of one of our targets. I'm not naming any names here but you know who you are. You're the kind of guy that let's all the worms out of the can when we go fishing. Yes, I'm talking about you over there. Bad scout. Spoilsport. No-fun... No T-shirt for you. And the next time we'll be having fun, we'll make extra sure you are not having any.

Now, that that's out of the way, here is a selection of love & hate letters sent to MS staff in the course of the prank. We're omitting author names, so you can make a better judgement. Have fun! This vote closes next Sunday night, April 15th 23:59 server time.

No corrections have been made to the messages.



Candidate 1: sent to !J.O.O.E.!

Quote:
Best prog-metal albums of 2011

What a year 2011 was for progressive metal! I didn't know it is your second favorite genre Haken and Redemption released awesome concept albums. Each album clocks in at over 70-minutes each. The musicianship is off-the-charts aided by sooo may time changes your head will spin trying to keep up with the lengthy songs! Veterans Dream Theater and Symphony X churned out solid albums too. The production on these albums is so crisp it makes you wonder what the album would sound like live. They must have spent a fortune making these epic albums. Finally, nothing compares to the sweet voice of Arno Mensas and his new neo-prog band Subsignal. The songs are so emotional and have so much weight and feeling that even one of the songs on the album Touchstones brought me to tears! Well, those were some of the highlights of a very "froggy-proggy" 2011! I was wondering, who did you vote for in the prog metal catagory for the MS awards?




Candidate 2: sent to !J.O.O.E.!

Quote:
Hey hey

Dude,

This is going to sound weird, but I heard you swing both ways?
Is that true??
I always thought the red hair was quirky, but now I get it.

Cheers




Candidate 3: sent to Baz Anderson

Quote:
Are you ok?

It has come to my attention that you don't seem you're usual chirpy and beautiful self. I for one do not like all this negativity, and think you are a magnificently wondrous, kindred spirit; and that you simply deserve more than nihilistic and depressive tendencies. We all love you here, and would be lost without you. Honestly, I think of you constantly, whether I'm driving, trying to get to sleep, taking a late night stroll, in class or having a shower. Thoughts of you always make me smile, no matter what, and I want to return the favor. So know this, I love you, from the bottom of my heart. I want you to be happy. And when I see by your computer, facial expressions drenched in negativity, I just want to hug you. Here is a song that has helped me through many rough times. I sincerely hope you enjoy it, and that you turn that frown upside down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aorp-zBwYfk




Candidate 4: sent to Doc Godin

Quote:
Will you be my prom date?

Doc,

I've got tux ready. All you need is a perm and a hot dress and then ... we can dance if you want to?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7movKfyTBII&ob=av3e

Will you be mine?




Candidate 5: sent to Marcel Hubregtse

Quote:
You're done (aka: A few grievances I have for 'old' metalhead folks such as yourself...)

I tried to hold back, Marcel, but you've been cruisin' for a bruisin' for far too long. Every single forum you post on drives me to incredulity at your lack of acceptance for any music you don't tend to enjoy yourself. You are the most stereotypical 40+ year old metal fan I've every electronically met, excepting MAYBE only my father. So stop rocking in your chair, turn up your hearing aid, and try to listen attentively to my honest and unbiased explication of your quotidian ways of elderly ignorance

First off, it saddens me to see such a closed-minded, stuck-in-his-ways grayhair in this hip, exciting site replete with all the cool kids. We've been too nice to tell you until you now, but consider this a Nightwish-style open letter firing and yourself the Tarja of the group. We're sorry, but we simply don't like you. It might seem harsh, but it needed to be said. Hopefully whoever remaining family members you have can support you through these troubling times. Just flash your AARP card and you're be sure to attain a decent nursing home.

Remember, we're trying to help you. Don't kill the messenger. Just so this embarrassing incident never happens in the future, here are a few ways to tell you're being an old, self-rightous A-hole:

1) You start a post with "back in my day..."
2) You can't accept any of the musical progression made in the past 25 years and see any deviation from the fundamental roots of Black Sabbath's Paranoid as damnable heresy toward the name of metal.
3) You can't appreciate anything with ANY upbeat, uplifting, or memorable elements. Melody is the enemy!
4) You start boasting about you wealth of early 80s vinyl, including but not limited to rare pressings of Savatage and Mercyful Fate recordings.

We hope you go out quietly and genuinely wish you the best. We'd also like to introduce you to some REAL music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pckMm9k7cJw&feature=fvst

~Yours truly, Metalstormers United ™




Candidate 6: sent to Marcel Hubregtse

Quote:
Ehh What.....

HA!!!! I knew it. The entire dark, inaccesable obscure death/doom/black metal Marcel was nothing but a lie, let me spell it out L....I......E. I always knew secretly down beneath than brutal dutch exterior was a permed long haired, high pitched, plastic sword raising warrior of glory who fights for the light and thinks bad things are stupid. So next time I see you being grumpy old Marcel, I know you'll really be blasting Rhapsody of Fire and Dragonforce, prancing through the metal fields of flower metal.




Candidate 7: sent to MoraWintersoul

Quote:
YOU SUCK!!!

We were hoping that we could get a glimpse of your work on the follow-up to last years' cave metal demo, but u just skipped the entire day blaming it on your hangover. It's because of you that cave metal has still hasn't grown out of its origins. And when the tr00 police find out your guilt pleasure you'll be crucified in a stalagtite naked.




Now, cast your vote!



Poll

Who should get a Metal Storm T-shirt?

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Written on 08.04.2012 by I shoot people.

Sometimes, I also write about it.


Comments page 2 / 2

Comments: 41   Visited by: 295 users
09.04.2012 - 18:03
Unhealer
Eclecticist
I voted for candidate 5 for all the effort he put into it. But #2 was a clever one special mention to him.
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10.04.2012 - 01:16
Mindheist
No Longer Human
I really liked the Marcel Nightwish-style open letter

But just so you know, if he goes, I go
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10.04.2012 - 03:38
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Written by Mindheist on 10.04.2012 at 01:16


But just so you know, if he goes, I go

Mmmm let's see if that is really the case
----
Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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10.04.2012 - 16:27
Mindheist
No Longer Human
Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 10.04.2012 at 03:38

Mmmm let's see if that is really the case

Are you kidding? You're like the John Lennon of MS. If It wasn't for you, I wouldn't probably know about Akelei nor Herder

No, in all seriousness, as much as I hate to give people compliments (especially the Staff), I'm going to break the rules this time and say that you're one of the three members who should never leave MS
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11.04.2012 - 03:05
ScreamingSteelUS
Agent of Steel
Man, I ALSO sent Doc the "Safety Dance" video... bummer.
----
Row, row, fight the power
Djently down the stream

I wonder how you will defend your ludicrous assertions.
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11.04.2012 - 12:55
Spirit Molecule
spirit molecule
Haha, quite cool to see mine up there. I could have done ALOT more with it, but I was just too lazy
I didn't want to freak the staffer out too much either
----
If you never wake up from a dream does it become reality?

Last fm
Don't click here
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13.04.2012 - 02:52
strade
I cannot wait to see the results of this contest. You just had to give so much time to vote, didn't you?
----
My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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13.04.2012 - 05:29
Boxcar Willy
yr a kook
Ah, I put sooo much effort into the one I sent to Joe.

I iz heartbroken.
----
forever bummed out
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13.04.2012 - 07:51
strade
Written by Boxcar Willy on 13.04.2012 at 05:29

Ah, I put sooo much effort into the one I sent to Joe.

I iz heartbroken.


I'm kind of surprised it didn't get picked then. The impression I got from the staff is that they got fewer entries than they might have expected. About how many trolling PMs total were received, anyway?
----
My lo-fi synth project: http://luciddreamer.bandcamp.com
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13.04.2012 - 10:30
Milena
Learning To "X"
Written by strade on 13.04.2012 at 07:51

About how many trolling PMs total were received, anyway?

Around 90. I received 15 myself, nom'd two of them but they kinda got lost in the discussion of which ones we're going to put in the article.
----
"There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors."
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13.04.2012 - 13:09
Spirit Molecule
spirit molecule
Written by Milena on 13.04.2012 at 10:30

Around 90. I received 15 myself, nom'd two of them but they kinda got lost in the discussion of which ones we're going to put in the article.


Would be cool to see all the ones nominated by the staffers as well, apart from those up there.
----
If you never wake up from a dream does it become reality?

Last fm
Don't click here
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