Rating:
3.5
Eternal September - Your Computer Lies
2010


01. Fly On The Wall [Miley Cyrus cover]
02. Piss On Me [Britney Spears cover]
03. Diva [Beyoncé cover]
04. Just Dance [Lady Gaga cover]
05. I Can't Get You Out Of My Head [Kylie Minogue cover]
06. My Love [Justin Timberlake cover]
07. Circus [Britney Spears cover]
08. Diva [Beyoncé cover] [Remix version]
09. Just Dance [Lady Gaga cover] [Remix version]
10. Circus [Britney Spears cover] [Alternate version]
11. Just Dance [Lady Gaga cover] [Belzebass Remix version]
12. Just Dance [Lady Gaga cover] [IKKI Remix version]
13. Just Dance [Lady Gaga cover] [Ercole And His Brother Remix version]


Pop metal
Sweden
Hell Yeah! Records

Line-up on the CD:
Stephen Hills - vocals
James Nayler - vocals
Purple Tentacle - guitar
Bernard Bernoulli - bass
Hoagie - drums


Pop metal. That's right - pop metal. Not the kind of pop metal that Iron Maiden play (i.e. popular metal), but metalized pop music. Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake (all words, er, names you wouldn't expect - or want - to appear in a review featured on a metal webzine) are all covered on Eternal September's auspicious debut, Your Computer Lies.

The band is giving their fans plenty of time to wait for the physical release of the album, which will make its apparently "highly anticipated" appearance in the early stages of December 2012. As in 2 full years from now. Until then, however, one can make their way over to the band's official website and simply download the album in its entirety, with the option to donate some pocket change to the band members for their efforts. Never one to dissuade audiences from paying their respects to their favorite bands, I will encourage everyone to drop a dime or two into these Swedes' hats.

Anyway, the music. If the tracklist wasn't enough of a tell, these guys aren't exactly your typical metal band are a mockery of Children Of Bodom's Skeletons In The Closet compilation and Six Feet Under's Graveyard Classics trilogy, both already more than mockeries in their own respects. The songs aren't much different from their original versions, with the noted exception of heavy guitars and hardcore vocals that alternate between upbeat raspy screams and nasally clean passages. Easily the worst of the bunch is Britney's "Piece Of Me", which has been aptly renamed "Piss On Me". This song sounds like how one would feel after draining a urinal cake into their mouth, especially with its "humorous" high-pitch narration about halfway through. Perhaps a coincidence, the only track comparable in terms of unadulterated annoyance is "Circus", yet another Britney Spears cover. Atrocious at best.

Not much of a surprise is how none of the songs manage to go anywhere, partly a fault of the original songwriters, but also partially the band's fault for not including enough personality (or, come to think of it, maybe too much personality). The Lady Gaga worship gets out of hand, as "Just Dance" is played a harrowing five (5) times, all different from each other, yet none any better than the others. If you like sped-up pop music with guitars and a mix of harsh and clean vocals, this comes highly recommended.

My verdict? These guys are Triple A musicians! Awful, Annoying, and Abrasive. Avoid at all costs (including donations).

Performance: 4
Songwriting: 3
Originality: 2
Production: 6


Website: http://eternalseptember.bandcamp.com/


 



Written on 30.06.2010 by
Troy Killjoy
Just another opinionated guy telling you what to listen to.
More reviews by Troy Killjoy ››



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Visioneerie - 30.06.2010 at 20:00  
How did you stumble upon this and even more curious how did you manage to pull yourself together and listen to it ?
Uirapuru - 30.06.2010 at 20:13  
Quote:
The songs aren't much different from their original versions, with the noted exception of heavy guitars and hardcore vocals that alternate between upbeat raspy screams and nasally clean passages.


So the problem is not really cover the Pop music, but the fact that they suck at it?
Ellrohir - 30.06.2010 at 21:37  
There is something i am not getting...i think something with the release date seems to be weird...
Got Mayhem? - 30.06.2010 at 22:37  
Typical metal/deathcore 'heavy' guitars, whiny vocalist, and unoriginal ideas you say? I can already imagine how every single track will sound. No thanks Eternal September, the warning is appreciated Troy.
FRIENDSHIP - 01.07.2010 at 02:32  
I listened to one song and I very much agree. Avoid!

I don't know about your ideas about covers, but I think that covers of pop music by metal bands needs to be *different,* not the same with screaming vocals!

Exhibit A:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhZ9q4Aa1FY (superior) vs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmgphUOaie8 (funny, but not much merit)

What say ye?
Rupert - 01.07.2010 at 02:37  
Written by Ellrohir on 30.06.2010 at 21:37

There is something i am not getting...i think something with the release date seems to be weird...

Maybe you would've understood if you'd read the first two paragraphs.
BreadGod - 01.07.2010 at 02:56  
With a name like Eternal September, I thought they would be industrial metal and sing about computers. Guess I was wrong.
marzepka87 - 01.07.2010 at 04:47  
This is like that screamo rap thing, they try to pass off as real music
Ellrohir - 01.07.2010 at 23:59  
So...why there is already a review here when it will took another 2 and half years to release the physical copy? any deal with label forcing you to do so? or such a serious necessity for warning people in advance?
Troy Killjoy - 02.07.2010 at 01:35  
Written by Visioneerie on 30.06.2010 at 20:00

How did you stumble upon this and even more curious how did you manage to pull yourself together and listen to it ?

The band messaged me with the album information as an attachment. I asked if they wanted me to review it and they said yes. Very straightforward.

As for how I managed to pull through it... I'm still not sure on that. All I know is for the first time in my life, I really wanted a beer after.
Written by Uirapuru on 30.06.2010 at 20:13

So the problem is not really cover the Pop music, but the fact that they suck at it?

Not only that they suck at it, but they don't even offer anything special. It's literally just the original versions with guitars and harsh vocals (in some cases, just exact copies of the original vocalists).
Written by Got Mayhem? on 30.06.2010 at 22:37

Typical metal/deathcore 'heavy' guitars, whiny vocalist, and unoriginal ideas you say? I can already imagine how every single track will sound. No thanks Eternal September, the warning is appreciated Troy.

Your question is basically a summary of the entire album. I'm surprised I managed to write over 300 words about this!
Written by marzepka87 on 01.07.2010 at 04:47

This is like that screamo rap thing, they try to pass off as real music

I'm not sure about screamo/rap. There aren't any rap undertones here, it's just pure modern pop, although I would agree that the vocals are screamo-based. Regardless, still not the best sound in the world.

Written by Ellrohir on 01.07.2010 at 23:59

So...why there is already a review here when it will took another 2 and half years to release the physical copy? any deal with label forcing you to do so? or such a serious necessity for warning people in advance?

I'm not sure if these guys are a joke band or what, but as far as I know their label is unofficial, the release date is sketchy (don't get me started on that 2012 shit) and the music is completely immature. If they were kidding around then maybe I would have been less harsh, as it would change the dynamic of their sound. But they provided very little information about their band/album, so I took it as a serious review request.

I'm assuming, if they are a serious band, that they wanted a review done because their album is available - just not physically. Word of mouth for a digital release is better than no reviews for 2 years I suppose.

To paraphrase my girlfriend (regarding the album):

Quote:

It's like if I decided to sell my own clothing line, and I told people they could try my clothes for free with the option to donate. Then I could tell them they could buy those same clothes in 2 years! The catch? The clothes aren't even good... What a terrible marketing campaign.
BreadGod - 02.07.2010 at 02:48  
Written by Troy Killjoy on 02.07.2010 at 01:35

Written by marzepka87 on 01.07.2010 at 04:47

This is like that screamo rap thing, they try to pass off as real music

I'm not sure about screamo/rap. There aren't any rap undertones here, it's just pure modern pop, although I would agree that the vocals are screamo-based. Regardless, still not the best sound in the world.

I think he's referring to screamo-crunk bands like Brokencyde.
Troy Killjoy - 02.07.2010 at 04:32  
Written by BreadGod on 02.07.2010 at 02:48

I think he's referring to screamo-crunk bands like Brokencyde.

Worst fucking "band" ever. Your Computer Lies is a work of art compared to anything Brokencyde will ever produce.
frankeli - 02.07.2010 at 12:21  
Well, I find Piss On Me quite funny. Just take it as it is, humor, something funny ;D;D;D;D:banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2: :banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2::banger2: :banger2::banger2::banger2:
Edmund Fogg - 03.07.2010 at 03:14  
I'm at work right know so I can't listen to it but does it sound like Ten Masked Men or not? Because Pop parody can be funny sometimes
Troy Killjoy - 03.07.2010 at 03:45  
Written by Edmund Fogg on 03.07.2010 at 03:14

I'm at work right know so I can't listen to it but does it sound like Ten Masked Men or not? Because Pop parody can be funny sometimes

No. Ten Masked Men is a more legitimate death metal pop cover band, whereas these guys are simply popcore or crunkcore or whatever the kids are calling it.
Edmund Fogg - 03.07.2010 at 03:51  
Written by Troy Killjoy on 03.07.2010 at 03:45

Written by Edmund Fogg on 03.07.2010 at 03:14

I'm at work right know so I can't listen to it but does it sound like Ten Masked Men or not? Because Pop parody can be funny sometimes

No. Ten Masked Men is a more legitimate death metal pop cover band, whereas these guys are simply popcore or crunkcore or whatever the kids are calling it.

Haha well it seems like an IQ test would be nessessary for some guys before releasing an album,that would really take a load off the shitty albums that comes out on a daily basis.I know inteligence is not synonym of great albums but it never hurts
ruffio - 03.07.2010 at 15:01  
I'm quite positive this band is a joke and them asking for a review is simply a troll. Have you seen their myspace? At the risk of bringing up the Dethklok blacklist debate, they may be a parody band, but their music is God Tier in comparison to this garbage. Eternal September is like a april fools joke that went too far.
Troy Killjoy - 03.07.2010 at 15:39  
Written by ruffio on 03.07.2010 at 15:01

I'm quite positive this band is a joke and them asking for a review is simply a troll. Have you seen their myspace? At the risk of bringing up the Dethklok blacklist debate, they may be a parody band, but their music is God Tier in comparison to this garbage. Eternal September is like a april fools joke that went too far.

Their vocalist was actually very pleased with my review, saying he commends me for not just giving up on it because I didn't like the music. Joke band or not, the band was serious about the album - they sent it out to several "true metal" webzines expecting negative results, but at the same time they understand that even bad publicity is better than no publicity. They have about 500 fans on their Facebook page that all like their music, some members even buying merch from the band.

Worst-case-scenario I would delete the profile if any Staff members requested it of me.
frankeli - 06.07.2010 at 10:24  
Just can't understand how grown up people can discuss so much about an album like this. This is goo humor and fun and nothing else. ... are you grown ups???
Troy Killjoy - 06.07.2010 at 15:31  
Written by Guest on 06.07.2010 at 10:24

Just can't understand how grown up people can discuss so much about an album like this. This is goo humor and fun and nothing else. ... are you grown ups???

I can understand, grown up or not: people like talking about albums that receive severe ratings by an official reviewer. It's good humor in your opinion, but to me (and apparently to most other members here) this comes across as a boring, tasteless attempt at making metal fun.

As for whether or not we are grown-ups... Maybe one day when you run your own website you can eradicate all conversation by forcing your users to abide by the laws of "being a grown-up". During my time here, however, I've come to know review comments and forum topics as ways to increase conversation - the beauty of which is most present when someone like yourself disagrees with the overall "atmosphere" of the dialog, making way for more conversation through the art of argument.
Roro - 06.07.2010 at 17:41  
Hey isnt that the same day the world may end ? i guess it will if i listened to this album
Sulac - 06.07.2010 at 19:37  
Ha! This looks ridiculously lame.
My friend was blasting one of the Just Dance's the other day...
frankeli - 07.07.2010 at 02:48  
Written by Troy Killjoy on 06.07.2010 at 15:31

Written by Guest on 06.07.2010 at 10:24

Just can't understand how grown up people can discuss so much about an album like this. This is goo humor and fun and nothing else. ... are you grown ups???

I can understand, grown up or not: people like talking about albums that receive severe ratings by an official reviewer. It's good humor in your opinion, but to me (and apparently to most other members here) this comes across as a boring, tasteless attempt at making metal fun.

As for whether or not we are grown-ups... Maybe one day when you run your own website you can eradicate all conversation by forcing your users to abide by the laws of "being a grown-up". During my time here, however, I've come to know review comments and forum topics as ways to increase conversation - the beauty of which is most present when someone like yourself disagrees with the overall "atmosphere" of the dialog, making way for more conversation through the art of argument.



You got a point. Nicely said
INÆRIS - 09.07.2010 at 19:26  
This is the worst ever. You can't do anything to pop music to make it more appealing or sound better. They're just terrible songs. Taking this record seriously is like worshipping a piece of cheese: you just don't do it.
Ernis - 22.07.2010 at 00:46  
Oh Lord... Lady Gaga's version is a lot better than this one... And speaking of covers, there are better metal renditions of pop music out there...

"Piece Of Me" cover, in fact, is rather suitable...
The Night Wisher - 24.07.2010 at 01:10  
I don't know the band neither what do they play, but from reading the setlist I can say that's 100% crap.
Wishmaster - 31.08.2010 at 23:32  
Ok? Pop metal?
Troy Killjoy - 31.08.2010 at 23:38  
Written by Guest on 31.08.2010 at 23:32

Ok? Pop metal?

No lies.
vezzy - 31.08.2010 at 23:42  
Pop metal has existed for some time. You know, European power/flower metal.

Haven't listened to this. And I won't!
Wishmaster - 01.09.2010 at 13:46  
Ironic, I thought pop and metal are contradicting? Wow.
vezzy - 01.09.2010 at 13:48  
Written by Guest on 01.09.2010 at 13:46

Ironic, I thought Pop and metal are contradicting? Wow.


Like I said, they aren't.

Also glam metal power ballads count.
Wishmaster - 01.09.2010 at 13:53  
Glam metal is an exception.
vezzy - 01.09.2010 at 13:56  
As is Lost Horizon and all that cheesy European power schlock in general.
Wishmaster - 04.09.2010 at 05:47  
Not all the European power schlock are cheesy. Some are and some are not.
Zombie - 12.09.2010 at 20:04  
So, the world WILL really end on 12/12/2012 when this album is released ... damn the mayans !!
BoxCar Willy - 09.01.2012 at 02:10  
Oh... dear... god...


so what did the band have to say about your review?
Troy Killjoy - 09.01.2012 at 03:13  
Written by BoxCar Willy on 09.01.2012 at 02:10
so what did the band have to say about your review?

On their Facebook page, they said they appreciated the fact that I actually spent time listening to it and writing about it instead of just being a bitch because I didn't like what I was hearing. They commended my professionalism and said they weren't expecting a good review anyway, but they thanked me for my time.

Made me feel slightly less annoyed with this... but not really.
BoxCar Willy - 09.01.2012 at 03:15  
Written by Troy Killjoy on 09.01.2012 at 03:13

Written by BoxCar Willy on 09.01.2012 at 02:10
so what did the band have to say about your review?

On their Facebook page, they said they appreciated the fact that I actually spent time listening to it and writing about it instead of just being a bitch because I didn't like what I was hearing. They commended my professionalism and said they weren't expecting a good review anyway, but they thanked me for my time.

Made me feel slightly less annoyed with this... but not really.

lol, I thought they might have flipped out and called you names
Sync - 06.06.2012 at 04:03  
Hmm interesting, I think when it comes to 'Metallized' Pop covers I'll stick to Ten Masked Men. Their 'You Spin Me Right Round' cover is just awesome!

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