‘It’s the emptiness that’s left, it is like a despair, destroying this world’

This is hell
This pain
It’s everywhere
In everything
It’s too much
And I can’t bare it any longer

A sickness
Riving inside of my head
Becoming more desperate
I’ve tried it all and nothing has availed
Gun to my forehead, very last option

I can’t take it

I need relief

‘I, um, made a T shaped incision right here on my forehead, a horizontal and then a vertical. And I had a shield over my brow here so that there wasn’t any blood dripping in my eyes to obscure my vision. Ok, so I, I pulled the flaps of skin back and inserted a fairly sharp pointed bit to get a pilot hole started in the skull bone. I used the, uh, method of a, uh, electrical powered flexible shaft drill. I went ahead through the first layer of bone into the spongy inner bone.’

I need to get through to the other side
So much blood has been spilled going
Deeper towards a solution
Such a tiny hole, piece of bone for peace of mind
Right through my skull, my last hope

‘I, uh, went ahead drilling and as, um, I was using the blunt drill, then the drilling got rather slow and the very bottom of the drill there broke through the bone and I could feel it start to give way. I withdrew the drill, the newly restored pulsation blasted that blood that accumulated up there into a spout coming out of my forehand and then I heard gurgling in my skull as the new equilibrium of brain blood volume and brain water adjusted itself.’

Drain me of impurities
Equalize my being
Resolve this crucible
Achieve balance within
Sustain my sanity
Dissolve the malady
Enlighten me
Make it all go away
All go away

We’ve marred your face
Set your ocean ablaze
We’ve torn through your skies
Bathed in acid rain

We’re liars, cheaters, stealers, killers

A reign of ruin
We’ve come to grief
Beyond a shadow of doubt
The source has always been greed

Colonized by thieves
Subsidized with blood
Ignorant beliefs
That you belong to us
For hope of salvation
You must be returned
To the rightful keepers
Or extinction has been welcomed

This is our choice
We can chose something else

It’s not your fault
What happened wasn’t right
Be accepting of your path
You don’t have to feel this way anymore

Now you can heal
Trust me, it’s safe
Even if you feel there is no hope
Just keep holding on

Let the good one win
Let the good in
Let the good one win

‘It’s like the dead killing the dead’

You take me down
Blow by blow
I’m nothing, no one

How I beloved my crown of thorns

Begetter; of my blood
Harbinger of my fear

An impressive cruelty
violent insecurities
toxic masculinity
Become the wrathful deity

Your virulent disposition
My formative castigation

I’ll kill you and your voice inside my head

Seething scorn cauterized the wounds that never bled. Now septic, soon necrotic the excision can begin. No longer the lambasted. You’ll never put your hands on me again

You sunk the skies at my feet
Bonds break down, a curse realized
Our gilded mirrors no longer reflect
I found a home upon the pyre
A fire still burns but I am smothered
Praying with outstretched palms
Past defleshed, future interred
I am the interloper
With the marks of the forlorn
A silent acquiescence

Dawn breaks despite my will
Light finds its resolve
A refraction of loss
Solitude is a prism

I will cast no shadow
No more peril, no more pain
Flay your discernment
Enshrine my hurt

Still unabsolved
Passed contrition
Botched coup de grace
I give you the garrote
Redemption is an empty well

‘Love has never been a popular movement. And no one’s ever wanted really to be free. The world together, really it is held together by the love and the passion of very few people. Otherwise of course you can despair. Walk down the street of any city, any afternoon and look around you. What you got to remember is what you’re looking at is also you. Everyone you’re looking at is also you. You could be that person, you could be that monster, you could be that cop. And you have to decide in yourself not to be.’