This album was apparently so fucking bad it killed Lou Reed. I knew straight from the cover art that this would suck ass through a straw... when you reveal lazy faux minimalistic artwork like that, it's obvious that you're going to release some weapon's grade shit. Come on Metallica, what happened to the days of Metal Up Your Ass?

Nice try Lou Red and Metallic but definitely not what we expected we wanted a little more metallica thrush but always seeks reinvention and is not the first time that disappointed us

Written by Ryan Zane on 21.01.2014 at 23:44

Nice try Lou Red and Metallic but definitely not what we expected we wanted a little more metallica thrush but always seeks reinvention and is not the first time that disappointed us

5.2

Hah! I just entered the 700th vote.

The lyrics here are laughably, horrendously, stupendously bad. Worst lyrics I've heard heard without a single doubt. Musically it's really bad as well. Btw, listened to the whole album because I felt like giving it a fair chance. Talk about wasting nearly 78 minutes. I'll never listen to this again.

Love you Lulu!

Written by deadone on 22.03.2014 at 01:52

I am the table!

Written by deadone on 22.03.2014 at 02:40
So beautiful.

addictive!

Not nearly the train-wreck people make this out to be. It's hardly anything special, but it's a decent album.

Written by Lethrokai on 03.04.2014 at 15:18

Not nearly the train-wreck people make this out to be. It's hardly anything special, but it's a decent album.

It's even worse than the train wreck people make it out to be. Truly one of the very worst, if not the worst, albums ever recorded by a big name band.

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 15:22
Truly one of the very worst, if not the worst, albums ever recorded by a big name band.

Or any band for that matter.

Written by Troy Killjoy on 03.04.2014 at 15:23

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 15:22
Truly one of the very worst, if not the worst, albums ever recorded by a big name band.

Or any band for that matter.

Not really since I would say most of Striborg's and Gallhammer's releases are maybe even worse.

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 15:24
Not really since I would say most of Striborg's and Gallhammer's releases are maybe even worse.

But they're practically novelty bands, almost like they're bad on purpose. This was apparently supposed to be good, according to... well according to Metallica and Lou Reed. And I think Rolling Stone? (Probably one of the most pretentious reviews I've read for something so objectively harmful to human ears.)

Written by Troy Killjoy on 03.04.2014 at 15:29

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 15:24
Not really since I would say most of Striborg's and Gallhammer's releases are maybe even worse.

But they're practically novelty bands, almost like they're bad on purpose. This was apparently supposed to be good, according to... well according to Metallica and Lou Reed. And I think Rolling Stone? (Probably one of the most pretentious reviews I've read for something so objectively harmful to human ears.)

Btw Lou Reed himself has recorded stuff on a par with Lulu before, just can't remember what it was called. But it was just as crap and super pretentious.

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 16:04
Btw Lou Reed himself has recorded stuff on a par with Lulu before, just can't remember what it was called. But it was just as crap and super pretentious.

You're probably thinking of Metal Machine Music.

I think that's the one. What a truly horrendous slab of shit that was.

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 15:24

Not really since I would say most of Striborg's and Gallhammer's releases are maybe even worse.

You really don't like Gallhammer do you?

Written by Karlabos on 03.04.2014 at 16:27

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 15:24

Not really since I would say most of Striborg's and Gallhammer's releases are maybe even worse.

You really don't like Gallhammer do you?

I am genuinely baffled by the fact that there are people out there that actually like that horrendous marketing trick.

At least Metal Machine Music was influential and somewhat pioneering, if not that great by today's noise standards. The Venom of noise, perhaps.

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 16:34

I am genuinely baffled by the fact that there are people out there that actually like that horrendous marketing trick.

Marketing? Just because they are g00rlZ?
Metallica is a marketing trick =P

Written by Marcel Hubregtse on 03.04.2014 at 15:22

Written by Lethrokai on 03.04.2014 at 15:18

Not nearly the train-wreck people make this out to be. It's hardly anything special, but it's a decent album.

It's even worse than the train wreck people make it out to be. Truly one of the very worst, if not the worst, albums ever recorded by a big name band.

Eh, that's just your opinion, I guess. I just don't get so much of the hate this thing gets. Lou Reed is an eccentric guy, and has released worse than this. His vocals here are weak, but I don't feel it affects much seeing as a lot of it is spoken word.

Also, I actually quite liked Metallica's backing to the music. Especially in songs like Pumping Blood, where they really work well at raising the tension, creating a great dissonant build-up that I didn't really think Metallica had in them. Heck, I even think that this album may have been one of the only times I've ever enjoyed Lars' drumwork. He's still doing the basic stuff people expect from him, but at least he's being a bit more creative here.

To be honest, I've always found it quite weird that I like this. I can't stand a lot of Lou Reed's stuff (you were raising a damn good point with Metal Machine Music; that was bullshit), and I ain't exactly one to call myself a "fan" of Metallica either. Most of their stuff is just "alright", and this album to me is no different. (Heck, I actually prefer a lot of their backing riffs to this album over quite a good amount of their discography.) But this album just isn't that bad for me.

Agree with most of Lethrokai's post. I'd pick this over dozens of other metal albums, and even if bad it's still the most enjoyable and daring thing Metallica has done in a loooong time.

I think it suffered too much from the internet syndrome, where people were already calling it the worst thing ever before hearing it and all the memes/stupidities that rapidly took over the attention, instead of the music. The immense hype did not help either.

In the end it's just Metallica fooling around with their instruments and a scared old man speaking non sense over a microphone (or lyrics supposed to be very metaphorical), so not necessarily "da worst thing eva ! He iz a table lulzyy w00t !!1!!11" . Some of the instrumental parts are enjoyable but overall it's too long and not consistent enough, and something just plain bad.

Written by Guest on 03.04.2014 at 16:38

At least Metal Machine Music was influential and somewhat pioneering, if not that great by today's noise standards. The Venom of noise, perhaps.

Lou Reed was a fabulous and incredibly influential musician, it's just a shame that this is what he'll be remembered for by many...

The only thing Metallica can hide butt for this piece of crap is they did for Lou Reed. It was few months back Lars came on Reddit and went one on one with fans' gruesome questions(nearly half of them was about "Dude, what the hell was Lulu?). He painly said "Metallica was plannin' to do something DIFFERENT and that's where Lou knocked our door. So 5 HEAVYWEIGHT sat on and decided to record new album and that's where LULU came upon".

Well, whatever the fuck it is, at last it came from Metallica studio.

Written by Alex F on 03.04.2014 at 17:23

Lou Reed was a fabulous and incredibly influential musician, it's just a shame that this is what he'll be remembered for by many...

His Transformer album and work with Nico was pretty stellar stuff.

Written by Alex F on 03.04.2014 at 17:23

Lou Reed was a fabulous and incredibly influential musician, it's just a shame that this is what he'll be remembered for by many...

I really doubt that, tbh. It may be that way for a lot of metalheads who don't even know what his work is, but almost everyone who actually knows his work will remember him for The Velvet Underground & Nico album.

Written by Lethrokai on 03.04.2014 at 17:59

I really doubt that, tbh. It may be that way for a lot of metalheads who don't even know what his work is, but almost everyone who actually knows his work will remember him for The Velvet Underground & Nico album.

Thing is a collaboration with Metallica doesn't expose you to metalheads only, being one of the most mainstream rock bands. And your average metalhead doesn't give a fuck about "the banana album" anyway, hence the numerous hate comments when he died

Written by Unhealer on 03.04.2014 at 18:34

Written by Lethrokai on 03.04.2014 at 17:59

I really doubt that, tbh. It may be that way for a lot of metalheads who don't even know what his work is, but almost everyone who actually knows his work will remember him for The Velvet Underground & Nico album.

Thing is a collaboration with Metallica doesn't expose you to metalheads only, being one of the most mainstream rock bands. And your average metalhead doesn't give a fuck about "the banana album" anyway, hence the numerous hate comments when he died

Eh, trivial matters... In the end, it's his remembrance among the fans that matters.

I'm genuinely disappointed that Hetfield is not listed as "the table" in the line-up.

Not bad.

Written by FatihBatur on 06.09.2014 at 18:59
Not bad.

DOES NOT COMPUTE