Goodbye, Fairwell and Amen!


Written by: Dane Train
Published: 01.04.2012


My Fellow Metal Stormers,

For almost the past decade Metal Storm has been my on-line home.

My community of like minded folks.

My refuge from the mundane.

My Metal Site.

It was a place where I was comfortable discussing which Dream Theater live acoustic cover album from 1997 was the best or why, in my opinion, Slayer only actually made one album and kept putting different titles on it. This was a place where despite our differences in political, social, religious, spiritual, and other such topics were celebrated, not discouraged. It was wonderful that this was a site where folks found it interesting that I fronted a Psychedelic Stoner Doom Metal band who played ancient Church hymns and chants.

But alas, the resent "decision" to make Metal Storm "funny" has gone too far for me. The old timers will remember when Disco Storm first happened, and it was brilliant. Every year, the folks who run this joint strive hard to make April the first a day of silliness and gags, reminding us all that we can't ever take Metal too seriously. I personally thought that last year's stunt was the best yet. I was all excited for this year's April's fool until I saw it...

Metal Storm has crossed the line! I can tolerated a lot of the ridiculousness that permeates this place, but when we begin adding in pornography that is too much. I understand that Metal music has a long standing history with sexual escapades and I am fine with that as long as I am only hearing about it. When I log on to check info on The Sword signing to a new label I have no desire to see a photo of underage midget's anally fisting in a Dora The Explorer shaped kiddy pool of peanut butter and canned tuna fish!

WHAT IS WRONG HERE! I know exactly what is wrong! Metal Storm is being run by a bunch of Godless heathens who are all going to burn in HELL! The constant abuse I have taken here on this site for my faith I thought made me a better personal than all of you. Well I was right. You are all sick, sad, pathetic and inane human beings. Folks like Marcel are a waste of a birth!

I pray that all of you will face the wrath of God soon. I will rejoice the day you all are stricken with boils and flesh rotten. I will dance with joy when your lives fall apart and all you know nothing but misery and disparage for this rude and disgusting behavior you've shown here today!

What is the worst part is that you think this is funny. Shame! Shame! SHAME! SHAME ON YOU ALL!!!

It goes with out saying, but for those of you who are too dumb to rationalize this, I am leaving! You're nothing but a bunch of shallow, retarded, liberal DEMOCRATES! I don't need you any more! Go! Listen to your satanic music. Play your evil Dungeons & Dragons! Fornicated and die from AIDS!

Look at your porn but just know that when you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation. When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil.

I am not ready to give this great nation over to one-world government extremists...radical, disease-carrying homosexuals...or anti-family lesbian feminists...or hate-mongering atheists who despise our religious beliefs...or the ACLU who would deny us our free speech rights...or anti-American U.N. Globalists!

If personal safety means discrimination, then I'm all for it!

With Love,
Dane



 



Written on 01.04.2012 by Dane hails from Asheville, NC which is Beer City, USA. When he is not drinking various craft and micro brews, Dane fronts the Stoner Doom Metal band, The Quick. He also has a massive collection of Hellboy comic books.


Comments page 2 / 2

Comments: 57   Visited by: 445 users
02.04.2012 - 11:08
SymphonyImpaled
I was around last year but must have missed the gag... What was it?
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02.04.2012 - 11:13
Darth Satanious
Post Destroyer
I can't believe this day finally happend. Please tell that there is no such thing as Post-April F. Day and that this Helmlock/Dane Trane guy has finally done something good with his life and has made MS a better place.

Like always and like a lot of Christians (not all of them) he tries to act high and mighty, but if his god would exist, what wout It say about this so called Christian wishing his neighbore such things. The stench of hypocrisy is overwhelming, but at least now we have the promise of the departure of other unpleasant odors.

If his Heaven would exist, he would not enter, he would be denied access and would come to us here who, while listening to some good ol' Slayer would ask him gently:"Weren't you leaving?"

And you little Dane, I know that you will read this while logged out, pretendng inside your charade... reflect upon what I have said and put those neurons to come up with an excuse to infect this place again. I you are as predictable as I remember you will return with an apology.

Shit, it has been ages since the last time I infused thia place with my blaaphemous presence and shit I didn't get to see the AF page. Is there some place I could watch screencaps or something?

Also, did Marcel go? What happened? Is there an age limit in this website? lol
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Christless
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02.04.2012 - 14:09
raul m
After reading this I'm very tempted to defile your photos with pornography using MS paint.
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02.04.2012 - 14:19
DrunkenFuck
Thrasher!
Fucking christians Good riddance! Now go play on the highway you cunt.
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THRASH!!!
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02.04.2012 - 16:34
Iron Nostarion
Maiden Whore
Written by Guest on 01.04.2012 at 19:44

Looks like the Dane Train...
*Sunglasses*
...ran off the track.
YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!


TOO MUCH FUCKING AWESOMENESS.

And yeah, not sure if this post is trolling or actual shit. xD
----
To their tombs the people are immured,
There is their gold, treasure and wealth,
The only condition is to ignore them,
Those who feed on corruption and weave death
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02.04.2012 - 18:09
Jiri
I never encountered any MS April Fool's shit. Whatevs...
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02.04.2012 - 18:28
Fredd
Account deleted
Obviously he's trolling, the way his rant progresses.
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02.04.2012 - 21:09
K†ulu
Seeker of Truth
Well, the fact that Dane is trolling is actually obvious from the title...
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Savor what you feel and what you see
Things that may not seem important now
But may be tomorrow

R.I.P. Chuck Schuldiner

Satan was a Backstreet Boy
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02.04.2012 - 21:51
Dangerboner
:D
Should've been him admitting that he's an Atheist instead LOL
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02.04.2012 - 21:54
The Shape 1973
I've got me a midget and some peanut butter, where can I get a Dora The Explorer shaped kiddy pool from. Ebay are sold out.
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02.04.2012 - 22:22
Bad English
Masterchief
BTW why Jeff left MS?
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Life is to short for LOVE, there is many great things to do online !!!

Stormtroopers of Death - ''Speak English or Die''

I better die, because I never will learn speek english, so I choose dieing
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03.04.2012 - 00:54
PowerThrash
People need to calm down and stop freaking out this is an obvious April fools troll, and if not then I will eat my shoe.
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03.04.2012 - 03:44
-DC-002-
Mastercommander
Interesting....
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Coldgrits
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03.04.2012 - 06:35
Igeldude
Quote:
when you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation.


Why, is he going to do that for us?
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03.04.2012 - 08:37
AngelofDeth
Cyborg Raptor
"Metal music has a long standing history with sexual escapades and I am fine with that as long as long as im only hearing about it."

so you rather hear about it than do it??

...your kinkyer than us all then
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pewpew.. gotcha
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03.04.2012 - 22:42
Troy Killjoy
perfunctionist
Written by Igeldude on 03.04.2012 at 06:35
Why, is he going to do that for us?

Awesome response.
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Prettier than BloodTears.
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03.04.2012 - 23:38
Mattybu
Lol, pretty funny if it's real and fairly well done if it's jokesies. The "no rights for homosexuals" would probably be what baited it out the most if it is a joke. Funny either way though
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03.04.2012 - 23:38
Mr. Doctor
Skandino
Quote:
Written by Igeldude on 03.04.2012 at 06:35

when you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation.


Why, is he going to do that for us?


The thread. You won it
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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04.04.2012 - 19:01
RottingDeathHead
kingnothing_92@yahoo.com
It was funny
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04.04.2012 - 19:33
JohnDoe
Account deleted
Too much hate and spite for someone who says he believes in God.
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04.04.2012 - 23:26
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Written by Guest on 04.04.2012 at 19:33

Too much hate and spite for someone who says he believes in God.


When did he post it?

No, the date on top is wrong hahahaha
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Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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05.04.2012 - 01:17
Valentin B
Iconoclast
The most obvious sign he is just joking with this post is that his usual perfect spelling is absolutely atrocious here :p
----
Sing me a song, you're a singer
Do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil.
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05.04.2012 - 01:52
Marcel Hubregtse
Grumpy Old Fuck
Written by Valentin B on 05.04.2012 at 01:17

The most obvious sign he is just joking with this post is that his usual perfect spelling is absolutely atrocious here :p


He usually misspells quite a lot of words. There's nothing out of the ordinary here in that sense.
----
Member of the true crusade against European Flower Metal

Yesterday is dead and gone, tomorrow is out of sight
Dawn Crosby (r.i.p.)
05.04.1963 - 15.12.1996

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05.04.2012 - 05:19
Vermoorden
This is hilarious and sad at the same time.
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05.04.2012 - 05:50
JohnDoe
Account deleted
So this article is a joke? I did not get that.
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05.04.2012 - 13:23
Mr. Doctor
Skandino
Written by Guest on 05.04.2012 at 05:50

So this article is a joke? I did not get that.


You missed the april fools day then.
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Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29
Like you could kiss my ass
Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
Rod, let me love you.
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05.04.2012 - 17:43
JohnDoe
Account deleted
Written by Mr. Doctor on 05.04.2012 at 13:23

Written by Guest on 05.04.2012 at 05:50

So this article is a joke? I did not get that.


You missed the april fools day then.


I did? He tricked me indeed then.
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