- Umskiptar review
| Band: | Burzum |
| Album: | Umskiptar |
| Style: | Black metal |
| Release date: | May 2012 |
01. Blóðstokkinn
02. Jóln
03. Alfadanz
04. Hit Helga Tré
05. Æra
06. Heiðr
07. Valgaldr
08. Galgviðr
09. Surtr Sunnan
10. Gullaldr
11. Níðhöggr
Imagine this: During a weekend away from home, you decided to hit up as many fast food restaurants as humanly possible. But not just the major chains. You also make stops at all the small franchised take-out places that put the Triple Whopper to shame. You keep consuming and consuming until your stomach feels like it's been filled with bricks... This is a sure-fire sign that you need to take a shit. A big one. But you remember the last time you took a shit after a long weekend out... it was fucking unpleasant. And this time it's going to be much, much worse.
That's an analogy, in case you were wondering. Varg Vikernes, GENIUS MASTERMIND OF GLORIOUS BLACK METAL PROJECT Burzum, has been releasing - for lack of a better term - quite a stream of shit since his release from prison. Belus, Fallen, and now Umskiptar. Somewhere in there exists a compilation of re-recorded shit, too. Probably the result of too many trips to the little take-out chains. This shit is much different than before, however. This time around we're exposed to something far more shitty. Umskiptar marks a major departure from any of the shit Varg's been involved with before... although that doesn't necessarily mean it's not shitty as well. In fact, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it right now. This album is the worst of a bad bunch. Shit.
Having essentially moved away completely from the dark, atmospheric black metal of yore, Varg is now seemingly interested in "paying homage" to the likes of Bathory and early Enslaved by playing some stripped down version of what people back in the day called viking metal. The problem is the complete lack of anything going on. This album takes simplicity and meandering to an entirely different level. Rather than beautifully composed epic melodious black metal anthems, encouraging atmospheric tales of fantasy and historical wars, or even the traditional grim and frostbitten stylings of the second wave (of which Burzum was a significant part), Varg presents the world with his least imaginative work to date - even taking Dauði Baldrs into consideration.
I've heard more variation on a "sleep music" CD.
Picture an aging man dressed in some cheesy medieval battle costume chanting a Norse poem in his native tongue around a campfire to the same uninspired snail-paced riff that leads absolutely nowhere, beginning with the same folk-inspired "melody" as it ends with. Did I mention that all of these elements are buried deep in this weakening fuzzy production? Now picture this old man chanting to his one-dimensional folk-driven atmospheric music. Now do yourself a favor and don't bother ever making that mental image a reality.
Rating breakdown
| Performance: | 3 |
| Songwriting: | 2 |
| Originality: | 4 |
| Production: | 4 |
 | Written on 11.05.2012 by I'm total pro; that's what I'm here for. |
Rating:
8.2
8.2
|
Rating: 8.2 |
Another year passes, another Burzum album is released. Since Varg Vikernes, the most controversial Norwegian figure, has been released on probation from jail, he managed to put a new album every year and 2012, the year when the Mayan "apocalypse" is supposed to take place, is no exception. I do not know what Varg has been doing in jail. For 11 years he hasn't released a new record and in 2010 we get Belus and one year later Fallen. What can we say about Umskiptar? A new direction? Maybe, but not quite. Is it good or not? Depends on the individual. Since this is my own review I have to admit that when I listened to it first, I wasn't impressed but after a couple of auditions, I get that even Varg tries to take a step towards innovation. Read more ›› |
Comments page 2 / 6
| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306  |
Written by EdguyAsFuck on 11.05.2012 at 20:36 I'll admit straight up I'm in no way a talented enough writer to bullshit my way through a proper review of this music without making random references and off-handed jokes. Gimme something more than a single riff and a slew of weak clean vocal attempts and I'll give you 300+ words directly related to the music. Otherwise... toilet humor.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18277  |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 11.05.2012 at 20:40 That's what I thought too. When an album is so bad, it's not like you need a very detailed review for that. Because everyone should know why this sucks. Just look at Daniel's review for Lulu.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| BudDa Elite Posts: 887  |
Haha. This is fantastic. Fantastic review. Mainly coz of two reasons. 1. I have never cared much for Burzum or Varg for that matter... Written by Alakazam on 11.05.2012 at 20:29 2. Yeah, that too..
---- Freeze! Step away from the hubris.
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by BudDa on 11.05.2012 at 21:05  Glad you liked it.PS...  (credit the wife)
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18277 |
 Written by Troy Killjoy on 11.05.2012 at 21:09 Oh man tell her I give her this many* high fives! * = Picture me opening and closing my fists several times so my fingers show a large number of high fives
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8988  |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 11.05.2012 at 21:09 your wifey's quite the photoshopper 
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| InnerSelf proofread free Posts: 2641  |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 11.05.2012 at 20:23 Fuckin typos  . And btw those songs only excited me once, I don't feel like listening to them again. Written by Troy Killjoy on 11.05.2012 at 21:09 Where is the FB share button >_<
---- He who is not bold enough to be stared at from across the abyss is not bold enough to stare into it himself.
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| Clintagräm Shrinebuilder Posts: 5772  |
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If this was released in 1993, it'd be hailed as a classic. Today, it's shit. Fair enough. Nostalgia makes things seem better than they actually are/were. If he changes his style he's a sellout or its a shitty experiment, therefore stick to your roots. If he sticks to his roots, he's being unoriginal and putting out rehashed garbage, therefore he should change it up. He was never a singer/songwriter and his music was never that great, just good. I honestly don't see much difference here. It sounds like average Burzum to me. Admittedly, I've only heard two songs, but they sound like Belus and Fallen in that they are similar but less interesting than his earlier releases. I liked the review though, even though I was eating my lunch and had to think of shit the whole time. Good analogy.
---- The force will be with you, always.
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8988 |
Written by Clintagräm on 11.05.2012 at 22:01  I kinda want to listen to this, just to see if it's actually as bad as the piece of shit I put out.
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| TrollandDie Posts: 274  |
Out of curiosity what did you think of Burzum before his imprisonment? Did you think he was a strong act or is this the ''fall from grace'' we should've been expecting? Oh and this review is the best piece of English I've seen in a while. Studying now and up to my eyes in pretencious poets and irrelevant Shakesperean plays.
---- Hello, my name is Mr......Snrub and I think it would be a capital idea to invest the money back in the nuclear plant.
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18277 |
Written by Clintagräm on 11.05.2012 at 22:01 Yeah, I definitely do not agree with this. Specially the nostalgia part. I would (and I'm 100% sure same appplies for Troy) would hate this regardless of who did it... and when. This being a classic back in 1993 is only an empty theory... Because you can do that with so many albums and therefore is quite pointless.
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by TrollandDie on 11.05.2012 at 23:02 Everything I believe about Varg is kind of irrelevant since all of my knowledge of him comes after the fact. I wasn't aware of him as a musician until about 2006, although my opinion on his pre-prison music is that it's some of the best atmospheric black metal ever released. The two prison albums revealed he had run out of ideas, so I guess you could say looking through his discography you could definitely expect some sort of downfall. That, and it had been so long between official releases there was no way he could live up to the hype in the first place. That being said, looking at the music objectively, the quality is still nowhere near where it was in years past in terms of atmosphere and composition. It could even be argued his vocals have decreased in quality as well, although we don't hear much from him in terms of extreme vocals anymore... His cleans certainly aren't anything to admire. Also, people say I'm the James Joyce of my generation.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 11.05.2012 at 23:08 Agreed. It's not like 1993 went without its share of piss-poor releases.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| thefallenalchmst Posts: 47 |
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| Clintagräm Shrinebuilder Posts: 5772 |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 11.05.2012 at 23:08 I'll agree with that. I guess my point is that Burzum was never that good. Of course people are going to compare this with his pre-prison output and what I'm saying is I see a lot of people who think Burzum's early 90s work was somehow the glory days. I guess maybe because Black Metal wasn't as overdone as it is today? Regardless, for me Burzum was always a hit-and-miss and therefore the "not-so-good" music he puts out today seems like more of the same, just a little more tired and less inspired perhaps.
---- The force will be with you, always.
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18277 |
Written by Clintagräm on 12.05.2012 at 00:58 Well, that goes down to just personal tastes. There's a fat chance that if you never really cared for Burzum before, your opinion won't be particularly different now. 
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Clintagräm Shrinebuilder Posts: 5772 |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 01:20 Indeed. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Det Som Engang Var and Hvis Lyset Tar Oss, I really do. I guess since Burzum was always just good to me, rather than great, I can't subjectively tell a huge difference between the earlier vs. later albums. They all sound have that muddled, tremolo, screeching vocals, poor drumming vibe - kind of like if you put your cat + a toaster in the dryer (not that I would know if that a Burzum album actually sounded similar...)
---- The force will be with you, always.
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18277 |
Written by Clintagräm on 12.05.2012 at 01:41 Well, I think it's very easy to point out differences and I don't believe I'm saying that just because I enjoy the classic period of their discography. Mainly the vocals turned up very different (I'm not talking about the clean vocals), the production is just unnecessary noisy and loud (See Fallen) and most songs end up being an awful riff over and over again... This was something Varg could pull if in his older albums like Filosofem, not in his later stuff though. The sound in general is very different tbh...
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Kenos Account deleted |
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| Clintagräm Shrinebuilder Posts: 5772 |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 01:46 I respect your opinion, sir! Please have a wonderful day!
---- The force will be with you, always.
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18277 |
Written by Clintagräm on 12.05.2012 at 02:00 But.... It's night here 
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Clintagräm Shrinebuilder Posts: 5772 |
Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 02:01 *wonderful night
---- The force will be with you, always.
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| BlueMobius Account deleted |
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| pisymbol Posts: 193  |
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| X-Ray Rod Skandino Staff Posts: 18277 |
Written by Guest on 12.05.2012 at 02:18 Hopefully your sense of masochistic curiosity isn't as developed as mine and you will never listen to it
---- Written by BloodTears on 19.08.2011 at 18:29 Written by Milena on 20.06.2012 at 10:49
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by pisymbol on 12.05.2012 at 02:21 I figured I would do that for some readers, dammit. It's not my fault if you cut off your ears though.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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| Boxcar Willy yr a kook Posts: 8988 |
Written by Troy Killjoy on 12.05.2012 at 02:23 Like I said, I kinda want hear just to see how it compares to my turd.
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| BlueMobius Account deleted |
BlueMobius
Account deleted Written by X-Ray Rod on 12.05.2012 at 02:21 Then let the torture begin.
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| Otravia Posts: 22  |
Hey, Taco Bell, slow down. Just cause you have a bad stomach doesn't mean the last thing you ate was crap. Maybe you can't tell what was good from what was bad anymore because you've indulged in way too much tasteless stuff. You could show some respect, a lot of what you're saying is uncalled for; oh and you should remember that it's always a matter of taste, the fact that you were unable to digest the more recent releases doesn't mean that the artist has lost his creativity. Btw, Bellus and especially Fallen are exquisite, in my ears at least. Before or after prison, that's quite irrelevant when it comes to music. Look at yourself, taking time to review something you dislike, rather than something you could really say interesting things about. I don't even give a flying shit whether the album is good or not, but your attitude towards it...it stinks just as much as shit does, after indigestion. Too old, too fucking cold, sugar. (please don't take it personally, i have nothing against you, just thought you could use a heads up on the fact that you are making a fool of yourself with such a "review", but hey, what can i say, it's a free world, or at least we are taught to believe so) Take care now.
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| Troy Killjoy perfunctionist Staff Posts: 21306 |
Written by Otravia on 12.05.2012 at 03:08 I review albums I want to review, and whether or not people think I'm making a fool of myself is irrelevant to me. Actually you're the first person to bring that up here - everyone else seems to have enjoyed the review, even those who disagreed.
---- "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
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