Rating:
4.4
House Of Lords - Precious Metal
21 February 2014


01. Battle
02. I'm Breakin' Free
03. Epic
04. Live Every Day (Like Its The Last)
05. Permission To Die
06. Precious Metal
07. Swimmin' With The Sharks
08. Raw
09. Enemy Mine
10. Action
11. Turn Back The Tide
12. You Might Just Save My Life


House Of Lords never really made it out of the '80s. While we all wish that we could say the same of certain bands, House Of Lords are not so much experiencing a perennial case of the glory days as spinning their wheels in a creative wasteland.

In days gone by, House Of Lords hosted members of Quiet Riot, Whitesnake, and Dokken, which should indicate the kind of circles HOL ran in; while these musicians have moved on (and, indeed, the rest of popular music), their influences clearly have not. I do need to confess that I wasn't alive in the '80s, but those ludicrous keyboards that announce the arrival of "Battle" put me in mind of moon boots, Rocky IV, and that one rap song that featured Freddy Krueger. I haven't heard in quite a long time a band that so convincingly reproduced the recyclable, utterly bland tripe that passed for hard rock/heavy metal in hedonistic halls of the Sunset Strip.

On past albums, this refusal to move on usually manifested itself as flavorless sing-alongs with generic riffs and just the right amount of earnestness to make each song uncomfortable. No matter how hard they try, however, this approach still sounds as manufactured, toothless, and uncompelling as ever. Precious Metal isn't all that different, aside from a few instances of sickening keyboards. More obnoxious and atrocious than they have been in a long time, these keyboards simper and drain everything of flavor, like some kind of giant, pathetic vacuum that sucks up dignity. The keyboards make everything so much worse - ironic, as the band was founded by keyboardist Gregg Giuffria. For examples, see "Battle," "Epic," "Enemy Mine," and "Action." Actually, don't listen to "Enemy Mine" at all.

Bland. Just bland. Like the color beige, white rice, a bowdlerized Anal Cunt album, or Egg from Arrested Development. No amount of shredding, harmonies, or disingenuous balladry can save it. It's soft, uninspired, ancient pop music that does about as much for me as the real House of Lords.

Performance: 7
Songwriting: 4
Originality: 5
Production: 6


Band profile: House Of Lords
Album: Precious Metal


 



Written on 30.07.2014 by
ScreamingSteelUS
I'm only in this for the money, fame, glory, power, and personal satisfaction.

In my spare time, I fight dragon-pig-C.H.U.D.s in space.

I feel obligated to use up all of my allotted space, so... nah, I'm out of stuff to say.
More reviews by ScreamingSteelUS ››



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Boxcar Willy - 30.07.2014 at 07:59  
The cover looks like she's giving C3PO a handjob.
deadone - 30.07.2014 at 08:53  
Quote:
or Egg from Arrested Development.


Very well written review. This bit got me as I loved Arrested Development but had completely forgotten about Egg!

So this album certainly isn't Gob doing the chicken!
ScreamingSteelUS - 30.07.2014 at 09:07  
Written by deadone on 30.07.2014 at 08:53

Quote:
or Egg from Arrested Development.


Very well written review. This bit got me as I loved Arrested Development but had completely forgotten about Egg!

So this album certainly isn't Gob doing the chicken!

I think this sums up the listening experience pretty well.
Zaphod - 30.07.2014 at 13:21  
Written by Boxcar Willy on 30.07.2014 at 07:59

The cover looks like she's giving C3PO a handjob.

Was gonna say something similar.
Marcel Hubregtse - 30.07.2014 at 14:46  
Wow, House Of Lords still around? Their Eighties albums were quite stellar. Haven't heard this one yet, but I am fearing the worst since this sort of music doesn't age well at all.
Troy Killjoy - 30.07.2014 at 18:23  
More like written by ScreamingSassyUS.

Or SassySteel. Take your pick.

Deserving score based on one song I heard. Which is likely all I will ever hear from this album.
ScreamingSteelUS - 31.07.2014 at 06:17  
Written by Troy Killjoy on 30.07.2014 at 18:23

More like written by ScreamingSassyUS.

Or SassySteel. Take your pick.

I'll take SassySteel.
Timelord - 02.08.2014 at 02:25  
I would much rather watch a reality show starring:Jon Lord(RIP),Traci Lords,Jack Lord and members of Lordi than listen to HOL. Good Ole Gene Simmons changed the name of the band from Giuffria to House of Lords. Giuffria were fairly successful having "Call To The Heart" reach #15 on billboard's hot 100 and "Lonely In Love" which peaked at #57. True to form once Gene and his oh so wonderful musical abilities gets a hold of a band(Keel+Wendy-O-Williams) it spells doom. As generic sounding as they are,changing the name after a having a song go to #15 is probably not the best thing to do. On the other hand if your into music that offers pretty much nothing but the urge to play something else then this band may be for you.

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