The 5.98/10 List - Readable Reviews Re-Revisited


So this is intended to be the place for the most

amusing
interesting
moving
innovative*
controversial
enthusiastic
courageous
extraordinary
hilarious


reviews in the history of Metal Storm.

Suggestions for particularly entertaining reviews are more than welcome.
And please note that occasionally, the comment section may be the most enjoyable part of a review...

So what is your favorite review on Metal Storm? And why?

Thanks to all past, present and future reviewers on Metal Storm for all the fun!

Created by: Starvynth | 31.12.2019



1. Opeth - Blackwater Park
2003 - Rupophobic - 10
2. Fear Factory - Archetype
2004 - jupitreas - 9.0*
3. Hypocrisy - The Arrival
2004 - Deadsoulman - 9.0*
4. Totally Fucking Gay - With Friends Like These Who Needs Enemas?
2005 - Herzebeth - 3.0
5. Lust Of Decay - Purity Through Dismemberment
2006 - Herzebeth - 3.0
6. Forsaken - After The Fall
2009 - Marcel Hubregtse - 9.2
7. My Dying Bride - For Lies I Sire
2009 - jupitreas - N/A
8. Enslaved - Axioma Ethica Odini
2010 - ponderer - 2.9
9. Rotting Christ - Aealo
2010 - Thryce - 9.0
10. Anthrax - Worship Music
2011 - BitterCOld - 6.6*
11. Deathday 666 - I
2011 - BitterCOld - 2.0
12. Deathday 666 - I
2011 - Troy Killjoy - 10
13. Metallica - Lulu [Collaboration]
2011 - Daniell - 2.0
14. Morbid Angel - Illud Divinum Insanus
2011 - jupitreas, Troy Killjoy, DerRozzengarten, Baz Anderson, BitterCOld, Darkside Momo, Mr. Doctor, Daniell, Richard, Thryce - N/A
15. Burzum - Umskiptar
2012 - Troy Killjoy - 3.0
16. Otep - Hydra
2013 - Dane Train - 2.5
17. Kayo Dot - Coffins On Io
2014 - Introspekrieg - N/A*
18. Liturgy - The Ark Work
2015 - ScreamingSteelUS - 2.0
19. Babymetal - Metal Resistance
2016 - ScreamingSteelUS - 9.0
20. Funeralium - Of Throes And Blight
2017 - BitterCOld - 8.7
21. Wintersun - The Forest Seasons
2017 - ScreamingSteelUS - 6.7
22. Body Void - I Live Inside A Burning House
2018 - LuciferOfGayness - N/A
23. Crematory - Oblivion
2018 - nikarg - N/A
24. Opeth - Blackwater Park
2018 - ScreamingSteelUS - 2.0
25. Peosphoros - Pink Metal
2018 - Apothecary - 9.0
26. Voidsphere - To Await / To Expect
2018 - RaduP - N/A
27. Cloud Rat - Do Not Let Me Off The Cliff
2019 - Ilham - 8.8
28. Emperor - Anthems To The Welkin At Dusk
2019 - Maasai Mara - 2.0
29. Manowar - The Final Battle I
2019 - RaduP - 10
30. Possessed - Revelations Of Oblivion
2019 - nikarg - N/A
31. Thy Art Is Murder - Human Target
2019 - Ilham - 8.0



Disclaimer: All top lists are unofficial and do not represent the point of view of the MS Staff.
[ More lists by Starvynth ]



Comments

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Comments: 24   Visited by: 52 users
09.01.2020 - 11:01
JoHn DoE
Awesome picture (read'em all), I giggled
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09.01.2020 - 11:31
nikarg
Old Nick
Man, what a great idea! And the picture is awesome.

So, off the top of my head I'd add the reviews of Of Throes And Blight, Aealo, The Final Battle I, To Await / To Expect, and literally every review by Ilham.

My favourite of all time would be Kevin's for Blackwater Park. Mikasa Ackermann rules.
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09.01.2020 - 12:33
Cynic Metalhead
Atrocious Virgin
Nothing can ever beat this beauty - ponderer's review of Axioma Ethica Odini. It's a relic.

I don't know how did you miss this?
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09.01.2020 - 12:47
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 12:33

Nothing can ever beat this beauty - ponderer's review of Axioma Ethica Odini. It's a relic.

I don't know how did you miss this?

#7
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09.01.2020 - 13:08
Cynic Metalhead
Atrocious Virgin
Written by nikarg on 09.01.2020 at 12:47

Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 12:33

Nothing can ever beat this beauty - ponderer's review of Axioma Ethica Odini. It's a relic.

I don't know how did you miss this?

#7


Yes, I know.

Why not #1?
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09.01.2020 - 13:28
JoHn DoE
Deadsoulman's review of Hypocrisy - The Arrival. Funny and unique I dare say.
http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=506
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09.01.2020 - 16:17
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 13:08

Yes, I know.
Why not #1?

I suppose because he has them listed by date.
I do agree with you though on how hilarious this review is, as well as the comment thread.
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09.01.2020 - 21:13
Starvynth
i c deaf people
Written by JoHn DoE on 09.01.2020 at 11:01

Awesome picture (read'em all), I giggled

Thanks!
But the sad truth is that some poor and talentless sucker with Microsoft Paint had to copy/paste it pixel by pixel just to waste a complete Sunday evening on something any random kid could have done better in less than five minutes.

Written by JoHn DoE on 09.01.2020 at 13:28

Deadsoulman's review of Hypocrisy - The Arrival. Funny and unique I dare say.
http://www.metalstorm.net/pub/review.php?review_id=506

Yeah, that one's simply brilliant.

"This message is flawless. I think it is now time to let the people know about ET intelligence.
People cannot headbang and make war at the same time... They bring us peace my friend..."


Thanks a lot, it has already been added.
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09.01.2020 - 21:24
Starvynth
i c deaf people
Written by Cynic Metalhead on 09.01.2020 at 13:08

Why not #1?

What nikarg said.

Besides, ponderer's review is only involuntary comedy whereas this is pure and genuine art.
I've never purchased Worship Music but I would have paid to read the review. And I'm not even kidding.
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09.01.2020 - 21:33
RaduP
CertifiedHipster
I don't even know why I keep reviewing knowing I'll never be as funny as SSUS, Ilham or BCO
----
Sometimes you need a little wishful thinking just to keep on living.
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09.01.2020 - 21:54
Starvynth
i c deaf people
Written by RaduP on 09.01.2020 at 21:33

I don't even know why I keep reviewing knowing I'll never be as funny as SSUS, Ilham or BCO

I guess know it's because you love music and want to share your thoughts with kindred spirits and to support artists who deserve it. Now that's the finest goal a reviewer can achieve if you ask me.

You know, "funny" does not necessarily equal "good" - right?
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09.01.2020 - 22:03
RaduP
CertifiedHipster
Written by Starvynth on 09.01.2020 at 21:54


I guess know it's because you love music and want to share your thoughts with kindred spirits and to support artists who deserve it. Now that's the finest goal a reviewer can achieve if you ask me.

You know, "funny" does not necessarily equal "good" - right?

Indeed and thanks a lot.

I guess I want people to get more from reading my review than "album good".
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Sometimes you need a little wishful thinking just to keep on living.
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10.01.2020 - 00:29
Starvynth
i c deaf people
Written by nikarg on 09.01.2020 at 11:31

So, off the top of my head I'd add the reviews of Of Throes And Blight, Aealo, The Final Battle I, To Await / To Expect, and literally every review by Ilham.

Great suggestions!
Thanks a lot, I will add all of them.

Thryce' review for Aealo is pure gold, I knew but had totally forgotten about that one.
Unfortunately, I've also forgotten that flattering photographs of Tankard's Gerre just don't exist...

Yeah, I agree.
A good review is like Steve Harris offering you a damp handshake and a signed copy of The Number Of The Beast 'cos you're Maiden's biggest fan.
But Ilham's reviews are like Lauren Harris offering you friendship with benefits because she's your biggest fan.
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10.01.2020 - 13:21
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by Starvynth on 09.01.2020 at 21:24

Besides, ponderer's review is only involuntary comedy whereas this is pure and genuine art.
I've never purchased Worship Music but I would have paid to read the review. And I'm not even kidding.

I've purchased Worship Music but I would have paid more for the review.

On another note, thank you for including my Possessed review, but now that Crematory have a new song out, I just remembered that this is my best work.
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10.01.2020 - 17:03
tominator
At best deranged
I'm going to keep an eye on this list, because I really like this idea.

Looks like I've got some reading to do. I look forward to doing that and disagreeing with every single one of the reviewer's opinions and telling them why they are wrong (jk).
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10.01.2020 - 23:18
Starvynth
i c deaf people
Written by nikarg on 10.01.2020 at 13:21

...Crematory have a new song out...

"If white socks with sandals could turn into music, it would sound like this."
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19.01.2020 - 01:06
Starvynth
i c deaf people
Written by tominator on 10.01.2020 at 17:03

I'm going to keep an eye on this list, because I really like this idea.

Looks like I've got some reading to do. I look forward to doing that and disagreeing with every single one of the reviewer's opinions and telling them why they are wrong (jk).

Thanks! Your small project sounds like fun, just go ahead.
For starters, I'd suggest to begin your journey with an easy task.
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19.01.2020 - 03:34
tominator
At best deranged
Written by Starvynth on 19.01.2020 at 01:06

an easy task.


I should have known that this was going to happen...

I mean that album is clearly a masterpiece. Most people just can't comprehend the sheer genius of that record.
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19.01.2020 - 04:07
Starvynth
i c deaf people
Written by tominator on 19.01.2020 at 03:34

I should have known that this was going to happen...

I can't believe you've actually done this.
Well done, but in order to prevent bloody riots, you are now officially released from any further obligations of this kind.
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19.01.2020 - 20:34
tominator
At best deranged
Written by Starvynth on 19.01.2020 at 04:07

you are now officially released from any further obligations of this kind.


Pfew... Glad to hear that. I honestly think I would lose my sanity if I had to do that on a regular basis.
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19.01.2020 - 21:23
RaduP
CertifiedHipster
I really hope that Deathday 666 album will get a reissue eventually. The original is so hard to come across.
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Sometimes you need a little wishful thinking just to keep on living.
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19.01.2020 - 22:07
nikarg
Old Nick
Written by RaduP on 19.01.2020 at 21:23

I really hope that Deathday 666 album will get a reissue eventually. The original is so hard to come across.

Have you ever listened to it? Is it possible to stream it anywhere?
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20.01.2020 - 05:57
RaduP
CertifiedHipster
Written by nikarg on 19.01.2020 at 22:07

Have you ever listened to it? Is it possible to stream it anywhere?

I used to have a copy on my hard drive before it crashed. I cant seem to find a new one anymore. Bummer.
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Sometimes you need a little wishful thinking just to keep on living.
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Today - 01:14
nikarg
Old Nick
So, Troy Killjoy, is there a chance to find Deathday 666 anywhere for streaming/downloading?

On another note, here's another one for your list, Starvynth. I want to try what that guy smoked before writing the review.
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